Requests in a Group

Preparation Sheet

Part 1: Clarity on Needs

  1. What’s the strategy (request) that you would like to bring to the group’s attention?
  1. Is this strategy a response to something happening right now that you are not satisfied with? (If not, skip questions 3 & 4)
  1. Write down any judgments you have about what is happening.
  1. What are the feelings you have about what is happening?
  1. What needs are alive in you in this moment? For each need you identify, take a moment to connect with the need before proceeding to another one. You may want to work with the Facets of Self-Connection or Needs: Layers of Self-Connection journals before proceeding.
  1. Pick one of the above needs that you would like to work towards meeting right now. Check to see if the need is related to the original request. If not, and that request is still alive for you, consider which need that request is most connected to and work with that need.

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Part 2: Stretching Beyond Attachment to Outcome

  1. Write down a strategy that could meet this need aside from the original request you made. This could be a request of yourself or others, something that could happen now or later, etc.
  1. Write down another strategy that could also meet this need, same as in question 1.
  1. Write down yet another strategy that could also meet this need, same as in question 1.
  1. How do you feel and what needs are alive in this moment as you consider the above strategies?
  1. Do you now want to bring any of these strategies to the attention of the group (the original or any of the three additional ones you just identified)? What needs do you imagine would be met by bringing a request to the attention of the group at this point? What needs would not be met? Take a moment to connect with the needs before proceeding.
  1. Imagine you are bringing this strategy to the consideration of the group, and that through a group process the decision is made not to proceed with your strategy. Connect with your feelings and needs in this moment. You may want to use the “Working with No” journal to explore your feelings and needs more fully before proceeding.

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Part 3: Formulating the Request

  1. Write down the strategy you now want the group to consider.
  1. What information would you like to get from the group to know if you would be comfortable proceeding with your strategy? Consider the threshold of partnership that you want to achieve: Do you want to proceed only if everyone actively wants to, or are you comfortable with at least some people being willing even though they don’t actively want to? How much stretching are you comfortable to invite others to make to support your needs getting met?
  1. Write down the request you would like to make now.
  1. Assess the doability of your request: How will you know people’s answers? (Show of hands? A different way?) Is there a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your question? Is your threshold clear so people can assess how to respond? If not, revise your request here.
  1. Take a moment to connect with yourself again before proceeding. How are you feeling and what needs are alive in this moment?

With thanks for use to Inbal and Miki Kashtan • • • 510-433-0700

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