Power in Purity Conference
October 18th, 2007
Phyllis K. Peterson
Setting Personal Boundaries
Greetings to all on this exciting day! I’m going to talk for about 10 minutes and then I’ll present an interactive game called Boundary Sculpting, which is about setting personal boundaries.
Our topics tonight have been how to raise discerning youth and instill a desire for purity in them as they walk closer to their Creator. In this segment of our program I am going to address the fact that we can and need to create an awareness of boundaries in the very young as an avenue for not only prevention of abuse, but also to prepare them for the knowledge they will need regarding boundaries as they mature.
For example, you can teach children that there are three types of touch…gentle touch, hurting touch, and secret touch. You can also teach your 3 through 9 year old child that anywhere they can cross their hands on their body, no one has a right to touch them without their permission. Cross your hands over your face. Cross your hands over your chest. Cross your hands over your private area, and now across your buttocks. I will sing a simple song: This is my private place, this is my private place, this is my private place, One, Two, Three and Four. (See handout and ask the children what they think the boy and the girl are feeling in each of the pictures. Have them color the pictures.)
Now, hold up your hand with all of your fingers outstretched. I want you to choose 5 people who you will tell if someone touches you in your private place so they will make it stop. They must be 5 people who would choose to do good for you and would never hurt you. (See the Handout.) Here is thumbkin. Name a person who you could tell. Would someone in the audience suggest a safe person? Now here’s my pointer finger, middle man, ring finger, and pinky finger. After you have helped them name five people, tell the children you want them to tell these five people and keep on telling until someone listens if someone is touching them in their private place. Don’t stop telling. Promise me you won’t stop telling. These are simple exercises that you would teach your child to help them become aware of boundaries at an early age…because an aware child is a protected child. Pedophiles count on the fact that a child is unaware of personal boundaries. The child must also be taught that there is nothing so terrible that can happen to them that cannot be said out loud to someone they trust.
In the Boundary Sculpting Game, I raise the bar to match the understanding of the youth and adults you want to teach. This game was originally created for women who are served by Domestic Violence Shelters; but it lends itself well to the needs of youth whether male or female. It creates awareness of what is happening subconsciously and physically that may prevent youth from setting boundaries and practicing Power in Purity.
We are both physical beings and spiritual beings. Our spiritual side is that which returns to our Creator when we die. Throughout the millenniums God has revealed laws through His Prophets that will protect us and guide us. They are like boundaries or fences of love. They are a mercy to us and help civilization to advance. One is the law of chastity which keeps us safe. Chaste before marriage and complete faithfulness and fidelity within marriage.
Chastity, faithfulness, discernment, compassion, truthfulness, kindness, purity, and sincerity are all virtues which we will carry with us when we return to our heavenly home. That is one of the purposes of life on earth for our souls.
We all have at least one scar on our bodies. I have one on my knee where I was swimming in a lake with my dog. The dog plunged her paw down to swim and my knee was in the way. It sliced it right open. So I have a scar as a reminder of the incident. If I seek a partner outside of marriage, I would have a deficit of the virtue of faithfulness, a deficit of the virtue of trustworthiness. These would be like scars on my soul.
Now, in order to play the Boundary Sculpting Game, I will need some volunteers whose voices will carry in this room while reading from cards. And I’ll also need two chairs in front about 10 feet apart. A male will sit in one chair and a female will sit in the other chair. There will not be physical contact but they will read off of a series of cards. Other cards will be distributed to volunteer readers throughout the audience.
(To the Facilitator: Prepare by cutting the 14 cards apart and gluing them onto card stock or index cards. Distribute the cards and set up the area…..
The cards will be read in the exact order of #1 through 14. It would be wonderful if each card could generate discussion through the audience, or if the Facilitator could stimulate discussion with questions.
Card #1 will be read by the Facilitator.
Cards #2, 10 and 12 will be read by the person who acts as the Boundary Violator.
Cards #3, 7, 9, 11 and 13 will be read by the person whose boundaries were violated.
(Card 7 will be read ALTERNATELY with the person who reads Card #8.)
Card #4 will be read by someone in the audience.
Card #5 will be read by someone in the audience, preferably a Minister.
Card # 6 will be read by someone in the audience.
Card #8 will be read ALTERNATELY with the person who is reading Card # 7.
Card #14 will be read by the Facilitator. This opens up an opportunity for discussion