MARIO (driver)RICHARD (Christian)
POLICEMAN (a country bumpkin, small town type)
PROPS: chair, steering wheel, notepad, pen, jail prop (cardboard cutout from two panels of a refrigerator box)
DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE
(Opening Scene: Driver is seated at center-stage, holding a steering wheel. Since the driver is drunk, every MARIO line should be delivered with slurred speech.)
SOUND EFFECT: Police Siren (15-20 seconds)
(POLICEMAN ENTERS by sauntering up to the DRIVER)
POLICEMAN: Well, well, well! I supposed you’re wondering why I pulled you over, mister.
MARIO: Yes, I am. I wasn’t speeding, was I?
POLICEMAN: No, you weren’t speeding. As a matter of fact you were going under the speed limit. The reason why I stopped you is because you were bobbing and weaving all over the road even more than a boxer in a fight. And I should know because I just saw a boxing match last weekend and I think the referees got the decision wrong. Did you see that fight, too?
MARIO: Yes I did, officer. I agree; the refs definitely ripped that guy off. He should have won the fight fair and square.
POLICEMAN: Yeah. But you’re not a boxer and this is not a boxing ring. It’s a county road. And you shouldn’t be driving all over the road nearly hitting every dog and cat in the neighborhood! Tell me the truth, mister: have you had a few drinks tonight, or maybe more than a few?
MARIO: Why, no, officer! I’ve only had a couple of drinks. I always drink in moderation.
POLICEMAN: Is that so?
MARIO: Yes, officer.
POLICEMAN: Then I guess you won’t mind taking a couple sobriety tests for me, just to prove that you’re sober?
MARIO: Of course I will.
POLICEMAN: Okay. But you have to be out of the car to take these tests.
MARIO: (disappointed) Oh. All right.
(MARIO slowly gets up and stands unsteadily on his feet)
POLICEMAN: (observing) Wow, you can barely stand on your own two feet!
(POLICEMAN adjusts his position so that he is standing almost shoulder to shoulder with the MARIO beside him)
POLICEMAN: Now the first test is the index finger to the nose test. Extend your right hand all the way out to the right and then slowly bring your index finger in and touch the tip of your nose.
(POLICEMAN demonstrates the test and then observes MARIO, who does the test the same way, except instead of touching his nose, he touches the POLICEMAN’S nose)
POLICEMAN: (takes off his cap and smacks MARIO with it) I said touch YOUR nose, not MY nose! (opening his notebook, POLICEMAN makes a note) That’s a fail!
MARIO: Oh! Come on!
POLICEMAN: Now let’s do the straight line walk. Turn to your right and take about ten steps along that white line you see on the road down there.
(MARIO walks slowly and unsteadily while POLICEMAN makes notes in his notepad)
POLICEMAN: Well, your feet did touch the line.
MARIO: I told you I’m not drunk!
POLICEMAN: As I was saying; your feet did touch the line . . . three times. That means the other seven times your feet did not touch the line. That’s another fail! Now do the same test backward toward me.
(MARIO attempts to do this, but he is so unsteady that he quits after only about two steps)
MARIO: (turning to policeman) Oh, come on! Not even a sober person can do that one right!
POLICEMAN: Oh, yeah?
MARIO: Yeah!
POLICEMAN: Well watch me. All you have to do is put one foot behind the other just like this . . .
(POLICEMAN attempts to walk backward, but trips over his own feet and falls down. Embarrassed, POLICEMAN quickly gets back up and dusts himself off, looking both ways to see if anyone else was watching. MARIO tries not to laugh too much.)
POLICEMAN: (noticing Mario) Oh, a wise guy, huh? You thought that was funny, didn’t you.
MARIO: (still smiling) Why, no, officer.
POLICEMAN: Let me remind you that you are the one taking the sobriety test and I am the one giving the sobriety test. And I say you failed! Now come with me.
MARIO: Oh, come on, officer!
POLICEMAN: Let’s go.
(MARIO gives himself up as POLICEMAN puts his hands behind his back by taking one wrist at a time. They BOTH EXIT.)
POLICEMAN: (while exiting with Mario) We’re going to take a little ride in my squad car. We’re going to the county jail. Ever been to jail before?
(Scene Two: Jail prop is in place at center-stage. MARIO is standing directly behind it to show the audience that he is in jail. His speech is not slurred since he is now sober.)
(RICHARD ENTERS and stands beside Mario)
MARIO: Hey, Richard; what took you so long?
RICHARD: I got here as fast as I could, Mario. This is like the third time I’ve had to bail you out of jail. When are you going to learn, Mario?
MARIO: I know; I know. I’ll try to do better in the future.
RICHARD: What’s it going to be next time? Am I going to be burying you? Look, Mario; Linda loves you; the kids need you. What’s it going to take for you to change?
MARIO: I, I don’t know, Richard. But that’s easy for you to say because you don’t have my problems!
RICHARD: You’re right, Mario; I don’t have your problems. But I have had many of my own. Believe it or not, I have fought this same battle before, Mario, and I lost! I lost everything. I lost my wife, my family, my job . . . I even lost my driver’s license. Do you know how hard it is to get a job without a driver’s license?
MARIO: I didn’t know, Richard. I had no idea. How did you change?
RICHARD: I needed a miracle, Mario. And that’s exactly what I received when I asked Jesus to take control of my life. Ever since I made that decision God has blessed me by giving me everything back again, including my family, my driver’s license, and even a better job than the one I lost. God will do that for you too, Mario. All you need to do is give Jesus a chance.
MARIO: Okay, Richard. I’m tired of ruining my life. I’m ready to call out to God. What do I need to do?
RICHARD: Just pray with me, Mario.
(THEY bow their heads)
THE END