Poker in Utopia

Poker in Utopia

By Jon Stark

I never thought I would see the day when I would have to single-handedly represent Australia against thirteen Russians in a poker freeze-out tournament.

I have played poker all my life and have become a real fan of online poker, playing on a regular basis over the past few years. So I was a little annoyed, to say the least, when I learnt that all forms of gambling were illegal in our first port of call. My wife and I had set off on a trip of a lifetime, to travel the world for a couple of years, and this was our first major stop. I won’t name the country, because this article may be seen as an admission of guilt! We were going to use ‘Utopia’ as our Asian base for the first five months of our journey, so it looked as though poker was not going to be a part of the landscape for a while! How wrong I was!

We had been in Utopia for almost a month and I wasn’t really missing the poker. The prospect of time in a Utopian jail did not particularly inspire me. I imagined the Utopian Police tracking web-sites and keeping an eye on everyone. Perhaps living in China at one stage had made me too paranoid! In fact I suddenly seemed to have a lot more time on my hands and was certainly enjoying our new life. I guess I had resigned myself to life without poker for a while, until somebody happened to mention it. It seemed that poker was going on all around us but we were simply oblivious to it. One of the hosts at the place we were staying, was heavily involved in the poker scene and he was quick to explain that there were lots of ways around the ‘no gambling in Utopia’ laws. (Of course it wouldn’t really be Utopia without poker!)

Hans explained that the Government didn’t want to have overt gambling happening all over the place, which may negatively influence the locals. So, of course poker was played, especially on-line, it was just a little more subtle than in most other countries. Hans has been living here for the past eight years. He is well networked, so was very much aware of a lot of the poker options available in the neighbourhood, and how it sat with the locals. He explained that:

• Internet poker is huge among the locals: both residents and tourists alike.
• The Police/Government are clearly not concerned about online poker because accounts are linked to bank accounts, including one government bank, and nothing is ever done about it.
• There is a casino in one resort area run by the Police.
• Another casino in another resort areais run by Russians.
• There is a speedboat called ‘Off Shore Poker,’ which travels 10 kmsoff-shore to link up with a luxury yacht for regular poker games.
• Lots of private games are played for money, but the money is simply exchanged for chips.
• There is a popular online site, based in Finland apparently, where your winnings can be delivered to you in Utopia, by a courier on a motor-bike.

As you can see, poker is alive and well here and there is no shortage of options for the players! So I eased back into my online stuff and told Hans that I would be happy to join in on any of thelocal games, should an opportunity arise!

Hans was true to his word. Three days later, as I was flitting around doing one of my other, less important pursuits, he announced that there would be a poker game that same night, at the very venue I was staying at! I was in!

One minor detail that he failed to mention was that the poker school was made up almost totally of Russians, and most of them didn’t speak English. The game was set for 9:30 in the restaurant area. Around that time the players all started to arrive. The sight and the sound of them was almost enough to make me turn on my heels and go back to my room. Almost! But not having played in a live poker game for many weeks, I decided to stay. It looked almost like a scene from a James Bond movie during the Cold War period. And these were the bad guys! With names like Grigory, Vladimir, Konstantin and about four Alexes, these were mean looking dudes. One was over two metres tall and wasn’t unlike the Russian boxer who took on Rocky Balboa in the Rocky movie. His nose had been rearranged a few times, but he wasn’t lonely there. A few looked like ex-KGB agents with their designer stubble, bulked-up bodies and cold, fearsome looks. A couple of others were more the Y-Generation yuppies, not quite at home in the company of the others. They were accompanied by four stunning young Russian women. It wasn’t quite clear who was with whom initially, although it was clear that almost all of them knew each other and were relaxed in each other’s company.

The buy-in was friendly enough, so I figured it was worth it for the experience alone. It was a freeze-out with prizes only for first and second. The next 15 minutes or so was spent with introductions, setting up the two tables and laying all the ground rules. Almost all of the talk was in Russian, but Texas Holdem poker speaks all languages. So around 10 pm the game began! Sixteen players were stationed at two tables, with eight on each. We had 5000 starting chips and blinds of 50/100, rising every 30 minutes until the final table, when they would rise every 15 minutes. The 16 players consisted of our South African host Hans, his Utopian girlfriend Anna, 11 Russian men, two Russian women and me, the token Australian. There were three male dealers, all supplied by the Russians. The main dealer, a very young, wiry and incredibly polite martial arts expert named Dmitry, was saved exclusively for the final table. With everyone jabbering away in Russian and lots of ‘connected’ people at each table, the thought of collusion certainly crossed my mind.

Hans the host was unlucky to be first out, when his two top pair all-in went down to trips. Things slowed considerably after that, and it was another full hour before the next elimination. Meanwhile, stacks were going up and down and the players were all sussing each other out. I was pretty card-dead in the early stages so I was content to sit back and soak it all in as I worked out all my Russian opponents. It became clear at our table that Grigory was clearly the aggressor, Irina was clever but quite prepared to play on rubbishy starting hands, like J6s or even 8-2 or 7-3. Her brother Vladimir, on my immediate left, was a Russian pilot and played a tight, sensible game similar to my own, quite the opposite of his sister’s. He appeared to be the only one, as far as I could tell, that did not smoke or drink alcohol, or use the special Russian ‘herbal’ cigarettes that came out even before the game started.

The Russians proved to be great consumers. They all happily ordered a range of treats from the establishment. They devoured nibbles, noodles, bananas, burgers and fries to go with their vodka, large beers, fruit shakes, teas, pinacolladas for the ladies, irish coffees and copious numbers of cigarettes! The mood became increasingly more friendly as the night progressed and there was a lot of laughter and camaraderie. I could hear the word ‘Australian’ featuring more and more in their conversations.

The hand of the night for me, came at the third blind level. Vladimir the pilot and I had been steadily increasing our stacks through mainly tight-aggressive play, to about double our starting stacks, but he just had me covered. Igor was Small Blind for 150, I was in the Big Blind with 300 and Vladimir raised immediately under the gun for 900. Knowing his play, I decided I would fold my Q-10 spades unless there was value in the pot. Everybody else folded except the Small Blind, who called. This meant I could pay an extra 600 for a chance at a 2700 chip pot. I decided to call. The flop came AK4, giving me AKQ10 and I was almost certain Vladimir had hit and would bet strongly. When he DIDN’T, I figured he may be foxing on AAKK or even stronger. Igor checked as well which gave me a free turn card. Imagine my delight when the J of spades gave me the nuts straight AND an open-ended straight flush/Royal Flush draw. Vladimir checked again, Igor checked again, so this time I bet 1000. Vladimir flat called and Igor folded. The river card was a low spade which gave me mixed feelings. I had hit the 2nd highest possible flush, but no longer had the nuts! I raised another 1000 and Vladimir had no hesitation going all-in over the top!My only fear of course was if he had the nuts flush. I had everything else covered. I suspected he couldn’t put me on a flush or straight and was backing himself in with either trip aces or trip kings. My poor comrade had AAA and was left with only a few chips! All the usual comments came from his fellow Russians about never slow-playing aces!

At this stage of the tournament I was the clear chip-leader, but a few bad beats later I had lost my commanding lead. I don’t feel I made any mistakes, but I was badly dudded with the best hand on several occasions. My A3s lost to 68 on one occasion, my AJ lost to 88 on another and my J-J lost to A-Q with the typical river Q we all dread in that situation. I could never seem to hit when it mattered, or they seemed to hit in the reverse situation.

The Utopian girl Annadropped out fairly early, while simultaneously playing an on-line tournament on her laptop. The final table was five Russian men, two Russian women and me. They called a 10 minute break before the playing of the final table. Quite a few of the observers and early losers left at this stage, or during the next couple of hours as the final table played out. Our host Hans tried in vain to start up a secondary, or ‘dirty’ table. It had clearly become ‘Russia v Australia’ and ‘Men v Women’ for bragging rights. A hardened soul from the other table named Evgeny was chip-leader coming into the final table, I was 2nd and Grigory the aggressor was 3rd.

Three times in a row, I came up against Irina in all-in situations. It turns out she is a croupier in Russia. If I had beaten her in any one of these hands I would have put her out and become chip-leader again. Instead, I lost all three, twice from in front, chipped her up and went backwards. Hardest to take was when my 77 lost to her 45s-55. The final injustice came at 2:30 am, against Grigory. He bet 3 times the Big Blind on 6-6 and I went all-in over the top on A-Q suited. He snap called and when I didn’t hit I was out, in 5th, shaking my head at the injustice of it all. I think I had lost my final five all-in showdowns on the trot!

So Russia won the 1st battle, winning the first four places. The final Alex was out in 4th and former chip-leader Evgeny was unlucky to take bronze when his AK lost to Grigory’sAJ. So the final battle, man v woman, between Grigory and Irina was still to be played out. Grigory, holding only a third of the chips, maintained his aggressive play, going all-in at every opportunity. Irina kept folding. The final hand was a classic. With a flop of Q-6-4, Irina called Grigory’s all-in with 5-5. Grigory revealed QQ-66 and everybody waited to see if he would become the new chip-leader and uphold Russian manhood. The river card stopped him in his tracks and led to a wild cheer from the remaining spectators, especially the two remaining women! It was a third five, again against the odds, that gave Irina trips and the 70% first prize! She was ecstatic, especially to beat Grigory, the manliest, most arrogant and most charismatic of all the Russian men, who played to match his personality. He had to be content with 30%.

In spite of the late hour, we all spent another 10 or 15 minutes reflecting on a great night. There were hand-shakes all around and commiserations to me, in broken English, for not doing as well as I perhaps deserved. But that’s poker! It was possibly the most enjoyable night of poker I could remember. In poker, as in life, money isn’t everything.