Play 1: Odysseus and the Cyclops
Brief synopsis of story
Odysseus and his men, returning home from the Trojan War, stopped off at an island inhabited by Cyclops. They ‘set up camp’ in the cave of one of these Cyclops, named Polyphemus. When Polyphemus found them there, he ate two of them and kept the rest prisoner by blocking the entrance with a boulder. During the day, when Polyphemus was out with his sheep, Odysseus and his men prepared a stake from a tree trunk; and in the evening, Odysseus tricked Polyphemus first into believing his name was Nobody and then into drinking enough wine to make him very drunk and sleepy. When Polyphemus was ‘out for the count’, Odysseus and his men drove the burning stake into the Cyclops’only eye, and when the other Cyclops came running to help, they were told “It is Nobody” so they went away. Odysseus and his men escaped from Polyphemus by tying themselves to the undersides of his sheep.
Speakers
Poseidon: God of the Seas, and Father of Polyphemus
Polyphemus (Cyclops)
Cyclops 2
Odysseus
Greek warrior 1
Greek warrior 2
Poseidon: So what’s this I hear about my son being blinded by a mere mortal?
Polyphemus: ‘Tis true, father. A despicable act if ever there was one! (Sneering) And by a so-called hero!
Odysseus: That would be me! Victor of the Trojan War.
Greek warrior 1: Er, not single-handed, I think.
Greek warrior 2: No, there were one or two others of us in that famous Trojan horse.
Polyphemus: In that famous horse? I hope there was no cruelty involved. My dad’s very keen on horses.
Odysseus: And you, on sheep! But that didn’t stop you eating them!
Greek warriors1&2: Or us!
Odysseus: So much for the sacred rules of hospitality!
Poseidon: What’s this, Polyphemus? What have I told you about upsetting your uncle Zeus? He didn’t make up those rules of hospitality for nothing! Besides, having bad table manners is one thing, but eatingyour guests? Please tell me they’re making it up?
Greek warrior 1: ‘Fraid not, Poseidon. Let me tell you a few home truths about this one-eyed monster of yours!
Polyphemus: (interrupting) Now, there’s no need to get personal!
Greek warrior 2: Oh no? Difficult not to when you’ve seen your comrades in arms picked up and bashed against a cave wall before being swallowed in one gulp!
Polyphemus: Not strictly true. I did have a real good chew, first! Lots of bones an’ things. Could get quite crunchy!
Poseidon: Enough! Enough! Did I teach you no social graces when you were growing up? And don’t you remember me saying how much easier fish was to digest? If only I’d kept you with me, in the oceans …
Cyclops 2: What? Charging around with you, on your dolphin-driven chariot?
Poseidon (indignantly): A much ‘greener’ option than driving around in a motor boat, wouldn’t you say?
Cyclops 2: If you want to be ‘green around the gills’! That would be me afterjust 5 minutes at sea! Haven’t you heard, us Cyclops choose to be land-dwellers.
Greek warrior 1: In caves!
Poseidon (sighing): Whatever happened to your training as blacksmiths? My brother
Zeus would be so disappointed if he could see you today!
Polyphemus: And what’s wrong with looking after sheep? Being a shepherd – a noble trade, I’d say!
Odysseus: And one not requiringtoo much brain!
Greek warrior 2 (laughing): Yes, we’ve heard how being a blacksmith was just a little bit tootaxing for you! Did being born with only one eye mean you were only born with half a brain?
Cyclops 2: How rude! Though I guess it was a shame we forgot our old blacksmith skills.
Polyphemus: Even though I would never have driven a red-hot stake into the eye of any creature.
Greek warrior 1: Not even one that was holding you captive, and eating 2 men forbreakfast and supper, every day?
Odysseus: Real convenience food, we were!
Polyphemus: Well, you did make a welcome change from lamb stew!
Poseidon: Enough! Here I am, trying to defend you, Polyphemus, and all you can do is confirm their story! What are you? Stupid,or something?
Odysseus: Er, I’d say ‘Stupid’ summed him up pretty well!
Polyphemus (angrily): There you go again! Pitting your razor sharp wits against my, well, er, slightly blunter wits. That’s just not fair!
Odysseus: And nor was using your superior strength, to keep that boulder wedged across the entrance to your cave, preventing us from leaving!
Cyclops 2: So why didn’t you tell us, brother, what was going on?
Polyphemus: (sarcastically): Er, what bit of ‘Help! I’ve been blinded!’ didn’t you understand?
Poseidon: Yes, you could hear his screaming and hollering right across the oceans!
Cyclops 2: But you said, ‘It’s Nobody’. And then went on to actually repeat ‘Nobody has done this to me’. So we Cyclops naturally thoughtyou were dreaming.
Polyphemus: But it was Nobody who did it to me!
Cyclops 2: So why are you making all the fuss? If Nobody is to blame, then you have no case to argue!
Odysseus: Oh dear! And this is after it’s all been explained! No wonder these Cyclops got a reputation for being a thick lot!
Poseidon: The shame of it!
Greek warrior 2: Old Polyphemus here really wasn’t much of a match for our leader, Odysseus, was he?
Greek warrior 1: Unfortunately for him, not.
Greek warrior 2: But fortunately for us! Or we’d have ended up like those of our mates who didn’t manage to dodge his greedy fingers!
Poseidon: OK, so you were never going to be the smartest breed on earth. But surely you could have put up a bit more of a fight? I mean, how did you let these men actually get up onto your chest, in order to drive that burning stake into your eye?
Cyclops 2: Good question, bruv. You might be a bit slow at times, but surely not quite that dopey?
Greek warrior 1: But that’s just what he was! Dopey!
Greek warrior 2: Through drinking far too much wine.
Poseidon: Oh the ills of alcohol! What was he thinking of?
Odysseus: Not a lot, I suspect, as he tipped back goblet after goblet full of wine!
Poseidon: Son! I am disappointed in you!
Polyphemus: But I’d never tasted wine before! It made such a nice change from goat’s milk! How was I to know the effect it would have?
Odysseus: Poor simple fool! I would say, “as a lamb to the sacrifice”, but that hardly seems fair!
Greek warrior 1: Well, not to his woolly friends, no!
Polyphemus: But I was tricked! Not only did he tell me his name was Nobody, so no-one listened when I called out for help. But he fooled me into thinking he was my friend, by offering me all that wine!
Cyclops 2: And then he goes and stabs you?
Polyphemus: In the eye! Correct! Some friend, huh?
Greek warrior 2: Well, he was hardly going to sit back and wait for all his men to be eaten.
Odysseus: No, even if he did agree to leave me ‘til last!
Poseidon: But how did they escape? Surely you thought to check your sheep before letting them leave the cave, the next morning? Or (in disgust) did you just have too much of a hangover to think of even that?
Polyphemus(indignantly): Hangover? Is that all you think I was suffering from? What about that small matter of a burning stake being driven into my one and only eye?
Poseidon: And after all I warned you about ‘keeping an eye on your enemies’! A simple piece of advice, but clearly not simple enough!
Polyphemus (sarcastically): Well, thanks for the sympathy vote, dad! It means a lot to me!
Odysseus: Maybe you are being a little harsh on him, Poseidon.
Greek warrior 1: It was quite a neat trick of Odysseus, tying his men underneath the sheep. Poor Polyphemus never thought to search there!
Odysseus: Though I thought my time was up when you, Polyphemus, spotted that your favourite sheep was leaving last, instead of her usualfirst.
Polyphemus: Bah! I should have realised!
Odysseus: Baaaa indeed! I still can’t believe you fell for my baaaaa, when you questioned your favourite!
Polyphemus: And to think I thought I was an expert in sheep-speak!
Cyclops 2: How wrong could you be!
Odysseus: But hey! Don’t beat yourself up too much about it! After all, you were up against one of the sharpest minds of all time!
Greek warrior 2 (sarcastically): And who might that be, I wonder! Clever he might have been, our leader, Odysseus. But he sure wasn’t humble!
Greek warrior 1: No. I seem to remember another occasion when a little humility might not have gone amiss.
Greek warrior 2: You’re thinking of that great Trojan Horse, aren’t you?
Greek warrior 1: Correct!
Poseidon: Ah yes. As you mentioned earlier on.Do tell! I have a certain interest in horses, being god of them. So please – tell me about this Trojan one. I don’t believe he’s one of mine!
Odysseus: No, he wouldn’t be. Nothing like your Pegasus!
Poseidon: My beautiful flying horse!
Odysseus: No, this one was built out of wood! No good in the air, but wicked on the ground!
Greek warrior 1: Huge, it was! Big enough to hold an army!
Greek warrior 2: And that’s just what it did! You’d never have been able to tell from the outside – that us armed soldiers were all on the inside; waiting ‘til nightfall to climb out, under cover of darkness, and defeat the Trojans, right within their city and right under their very noses!
Odysseus: What a brainwave! We’d never have got inside the city of Troy without that horse! What inspired leadership!
Greek warrior 1: And what arrogance!
Greek warrior 2: Yes. We respected his bravery and courage as our leader. But was conveniently forgetting it was Athene’s idea such a noble act?
Poseidon: You mean, Athene, goddess of wisdom? And war? My niece?
Cyclops 2: Wait a minute. Too much information!
Polyphemus: Yes. Slow down a little. Who was this Athene?
Poseidon: Only the daughter of the great king of all gods, Zeus, my brother!
Polyphemus (scratching head): I never could keep up with that family!
Odysseus (defensively): So she might have thought up the idea of the Trojan Horse first. But I hope you lads never forget who led you into battle and won!
Greek warrior 1: I don’t suppose there’s any chance we’ll be allowed to forget, do you?
Greek warrior 2: No chance!
Poseidon: Which is why we’re all standing around, chatting today!
Polyphemus: Something tells me this is more than just a social call.
Poseidon: Indeed, son. You have undoubtedly done wrong.
Polyphemus (sighing): I thought we’d covered all that. Do we have to go over it all again?
Cyclops 2: Oh please, not. Us Cyclops might be a little slow …
Odysseus: That’s an understatement!
Cyclops 2: But even I have got the gist of it! Polyphemus, bruv, you sure need to work on your table manners!
Poseidon: And be a little more welcoming to strangers in future!
Polyphemus: Even ones wielding burning hot staves?
Poseidon: Well, if you hadn’t imprisoned them … Anyway. You’re not the one I’m here to discipline, today.
Odysseus (sarcastically): Now, why doesn’t that surprise me?!
Greek warrior 1: Something tells me he’s in for a slight dressing down!
Greek warrior 2: About time he got down from his high horse, if you ask me!
Poseidon: Well nobody did! So like your high and mighty leader here, please take time to listen and do not interrupt me again!
Polyphemus: I’d do as he says, if I were you. That trident he carries around with him, it isn’t just for decoration!
Cyclops 2: No, he can wield a pretty mean thunderbolt or two, or so I’ve heard!
Poseidon: Indeed I can! So silence, whilst I speak! It is you, oh mighty
Odysseus, who needs to pay particular attention! You and your arrogant ways!
Odysseus(gasping): Me?!
Poseidon: Yes, you. Have you heard nothing your men have been saying? Loyal and brave-hearted as they are, nobody respects a big-head!
Odysseus: No I don’t!
Poseidon: Oh very quick, Odysseus! (Sarcastically) You leave the rest of us way behind in your clever word games!
Polyphemus: Pardon? Did I miss something?
Cyclops 2 (whispering): Er, I think this is where we just listen, bruv.
Poseidon: Thank you! Let’s not add to this man’s inflated ego by falling for yet more tricks, on his part.
Odysseus: I wish you would just come out and say what is bothering you,
Poseidon! I realise it can’t be very flattering having a son …..(hesitating) ……quite like this one. But that’s no reason for yourbeing jealous of my superior intellect!
Poseidon: Enough of this! Your big-headedness will be your downfall! I have run out of patience with you. If you will not heed my advice, so be it! You dared to blind my son, here, Polyphemus. Yet you mighthave got away with it.
Greek warrior 1: If he hadn’t opened his big mouth, as we sailed away
Greek warrior 2: And actually shouted out that it was he, Odysseus, who had committed the crime! Stupid or what?!
Poseidon: I’d say … stupid!
Polyphemus: Looks like I’ve got competition, after all!
Cyclops 2: As stupid as us? Never!
Odysseus: I don’t suppose any of us will argue with that!
Poseidon (coughing): As I was saying. You might have got away with it, Odysseus. But due to your boastful ways, I now know who to direct my storms at for the next 10 years. I’m sure your soldiers here will have plenty of time to thank you for letting me know it was you! Enjoy your trip home! I hope you’ve got plenty of sea-sickness pills! I think you might need them!
Polyphemus Plus Cyclops 2: Bon voyage!
Play 3 Tale of 2 Spinners
Brief synopsis of story
Arachne was a very arrogant girl who bragged about her own spinning skills and upset Athene, goddess of spinning. They had a competition, both producing beautiful tapestries; but Arachne remained unrepentant and boastful and would have been strangled by Athene had it not been for the intervention of her mother who succeeded with her pleas for Arachne’s life. Arachne was spared her life but then turned into a spider, to spin away her remaining years.
Speakers
Arachne
Arachne’s mother
Zeus (king of gods)
Spider
Spiderboy
Athene – goddess of wisdom and war (daughter of Zeus)
Zeus: So who’s been getting you so upset, daughter?
Athene: It’s those mortals, again, dad. They just don’t know when to stop!
Spider: And what about you meddling with nature?
Arachne’s mum: Just lookwhat you’ve done to my daughter!
Arachne: Ooh! But who do we have here?
Spiderboy: I hope you’re not looking to me to get you out of this mess? I’ve got a lot more serious things on my hands than sorting out the likes of you!
Athene: Here! Here! She got herself into this mess.
Spider: Let her get out of it herself!
Zeus: Silence! Instead of all this bickering, perhaps someone round here would care to explain to me, what on earth is going on? And what would you, Athene, be doing down there, when you know you should be up here, with the rest of us gods?
Spider: Meddling, as I said!
Arachne’s mum: My daughter wouldn’t be crawling around on 6 legs and catching flies for tea, if it weren’t for her!
Spiderboy: And what’s wrong with that? I advise a little more tact from you, Madam, unless you want to end up like your daughter here.
Spider: Well said! Us spiders are tired of all the bad press we get from you mortals! Being afraid of spiders! Whatever next!
Athene: That’s called ‘arachnophobia’ isn’t it? Now I wonder where that name comes from!
Arachne: That would be me!
Arachne’s mum: The shame! To think I’ll go down in history as having mothered a spider!
Zeus: Well, if you think that’s weird, you want to spend a day or two with us gods! You wouldn’t believe some of the creatures I’ve fathered!
Athene: And let’s not talk about some of the women who’ve mothered them! No wonder Mum was always trying to catch you out!
Spiderboy: Some chance! He was an even faster mover than me!
Arachne’s mum: Men! Never around when you need them! Poor Arachne had nobody but me to look out for her when that beastly goddess of wisdom strung my daughter up by the very thread they’d used for weaving!
Athene: Well, if your precious daughter hadn’t been quite so big-headed in the first place, then there would have been no need for that competition!
Zeus: Competition? What competition? Whoever heard of a god or goddess taking on a mere mortal in a competition? What have you been up to, Athene?
Athene: I was provoked, father! Honest, I was!
Arachne: Just because she overheard me saying I was the greatest weaver in the world! That I could out-weave any goddess any day! That mine was the skill to surpass all skills! That ….
Spider: Yes, yes. I think we get the picture! Thank goodness someone shut her up!