Pick 2 Choices and Create Your Own: 20 Pts
Parodies-
Pick 2 choices and create your own: 20 pts.
OPTION #1: Take a serious drama/subject and find humor by writing a parody based on Dr. Suess.
Green Eggs and Hamlet
I ask to be, or not to be.
That is the question, I ask of me.
This sullied life, it makes me shudder.
My uncle's boffing dear, sweet mother.
Would I, could I take my life?
Could I, should I, end this strife?
Should I jump out of a plane?
Or throw myself before a train?
Should I from a cliff just leap?
Could I put myself to sleep?
Shoot myself, or take some poison?
Maybe try self immoloition?
To shudder off this mortal coil,
I could stab myself with a fencing foil.
Slash my wrists while in the bath?
Would it end my angst and wrath?
To sleep, to dream, now there's the rub.
I could drop a toaster in my tub.
Would all be glad, if I were dead?
Could I perhaps kill them instead?
This line of thought takes consideration -
For I'm the king of procrastination
OPTION #2: Create a text message
Conversation based on 2 characters
Romeo and Juliet
Text Message Version
------Act 1 ------
Login:
Romeo : R u awake? Want 2 chat?
Juliet: O Rom. Where4 art thou?
Romeo: Outside yr window.
Juliet: Stalker!
Romeo: Had 2 come. feelingjiggy.
Juliet: B careful. My family h8 u.
Romeo: Tell me about it. What about u?
Juliet: 'm up for marriage f u are.. Is tht a bit fwd?
Romeo: No. Yes. No. Oh, dsnt mat-r, 2moro @ 9?
Juliet: Luv U xxxx
Romeo: CU then xxxx
------Act 2 ------
Friar: Do u?
Juliet: I do
Romeo: I do
------Act 3 ------
Juliet: Come bck 2 bed. It's the nightingale not the lark.
Romeo: OK
Juliet: !!! I wswrong !!!. It's the lark. U gotta go. Or die.
Romeo: Damn. I shouldn't hv wasted Tybalt & gt banished.
Juliet: When CU again?
Romeo: Soon. Promise. Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu.
Juliet: Miss u big time.
------Act 4 ------
Nurse: Yr mum says u have 2 marry Paris!!
Juliet: No way. Yuk yukyuk. n-e-way, am mard 2 Rom.
------Act 5 ------
Friar: Really? O no. U wl have 2 take potion that makes u look ded.
Juliet: Gr8.
------Act 6 ------
Romeo: J-why r u not returning my texts?
Romeo: RUOK? Am abroad but phone still works.
Romeo: TEXT ME!
Batty: Bad news. J dead. Sorry m8.
------Act 7 ------
Romeo: J-wish u wr able 2 read this...am now poisoning & and climbing
in yr
grave. LUV U Juxxxx
------Act 8 ------
Juliet: R-got yr text! Am alive! Ws faking it! Whr RU? Oh...
Friar: Vry bad situation.
Juliet: Nightmare. LUVU2. Always. Dagger.
Ow!!!
Logout...... !
OPTION #3: IMAGINE IF INSTEAD OF CRYPTIC TEXT STRINGS,YOUR COMPUTER PRODUCED ERROR MESSAGES IN HAIKU...
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
------
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
------
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
------
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
------
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
------
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
------
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
------
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
------
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
------
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
------
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
------
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
------
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
------
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
------
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
------
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
------
Error messages
cannot completely convey.
We now know shared loss.
-- Anonymous Author
OPTION #4: Write an article showcasing a new affliction based on a harmless hobby or habit.
Are You a Literature Abuser?
by Michael McGrorty
LITERATURE ABUSE: AMERICA'S HIDDEN AFFLICTION
Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse (or "readaholism") has risen to crisis levels due to the accessibility of higher education and increased college enrollment since the end of the Second World War. The number of literature abusers is currently at record levels.
CAUSES of PROBLEM READING:
Excessive reading during pregnancy is the major cause of prenatal LA among the children of heavy readers. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, it leaves its tiny victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming and emotional instability.
Most abusers have at least one parent who abused literature, often beginning at an early age and progressing into adulthood. Siblings of abusers are also likely to become literature abusers. Spouses of an abuser may themselves become problem readers.
Other predisposing factors: parents who are English teachers, professors, or heavy fiction readers; parents who do not encourage children to play games, participate in healthy sports, or watch television.
SOCIAL COSTS of LITERARY ABUSE:
Abusers become withdrawn and uninterested in society or normal relationships. They fantasize, daydreaming about "castles in the air," while neglecting work, friends and family. In severe cases "problem readers" develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions, or from carrying heavy book bags.
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSE
How many of these apply to you?
- I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
- I have gone on reading "binges."
- I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
- I sometimes read early in the morning, or before work.
- Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
- I often read alone.
- I have pretended to watch television while secretly reading.
- I keep books or magazines in the bathroom for a "quick nip."
- I have denied or "laughed off" criticism of my reading habit.
- Heavy reading has caused conflicts with my family or spouse.
- I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
- I seldom leave my house without a book or magazine.
- When travelling, I pack a large bag full of books.
- At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
- Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
- I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I finished a novel.
- I become nervous, disoriented or fearful when I must spend more than 15 minutes without reading matter.
- I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
- I have sold books to support my reading "habit."
- I have daydreamed about becoming a rich & famous writer, or "word- pusher."
- I have attempted to check out more library books than is permitted.
- Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
- I have sometimes woken groggy or "hung-over" after a night of heavy reading.
- I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I read.
- I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
- Sometimes I think my fiction reading is out of control.
If you answered 'yes' to five or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser. Affirmative responses to ten or more indicates a serious reading problem --seek help now!. Fifteen or more 'yes' responses indicates a severe or chronic "readaholic" personality; intervention is seldom effective at this stage.
WARNING: "Reading Addiction" has been classified as "behavior with a significant voluntary component," as defined in the Beatty-Eisner Amendment. If you are declared a "known literature abuser," you will become INELIGIBLE for SSA disability payments and/or ADA protections. Your fate is likely to be a life of poverty and despair, drifting from one dead-end job to another, as you wallow shamelessly in the causes of your addiction.
Lesson adapted from work by Michael McGrorty1999