Peer Pressure: A Call to Action
By Stacy Cutler, LCSW
As a parent of a teenager, as someone who grew up in the tri-town area, and as a mental health professional who works with children and adolescents, I'd like to talk with parents about the subject of peer pressure. Parents are a young person's best hope in dealing with peer pressure. How might we work individually and together as a community to support all children?
As parents, we want the best for our children. We want them to be healthy, happy, to reach their potential. We want them to develop respectful, meaningful relationships, and to have and be good friends. We want them to learn healthy ways to manage stress and tough emotions. And we want them to discover and develop their interests, talents, passions. Finally, in the context of this flash drive, Marijuana-Free: Navigating the Teen Years, we want to help them to stay away from all drugs, including marijuana. We want our young people to say yes to their hopes and dreams and say no to drugs.
Peer Pressure
One of the factors in your child's choice whether or not to try marijuana is peer pressure. Studies show that children and adolescents are more susceptible than adults to peer pressure. Developmentally, adolescents have a strong need to develop and maintain relationships with their peers. This is normal and natural but can become a problem when a child's friends or peers are smoking marijuana. It can be difficult as a parent to know how to talk to kids about this and how to help them to stand up to negative peer pressure.
Peers do play a large role in the social and emotional development of children and adolescents. Their influence begins at an early age and increases through the teenage years. It is natural, healthy and important for children to have and rely on friends as they grow and mature. And peers can be positive and supportive. They can help each other develop new skills, or stimulate interest in books, music or extracurricular activities.
However, peers can also have a negative influence. They can encourage each other to skip classes, steal, cheat, use drugs or alcohol, or become involved in other risky behaviors. The majority of teens with substance abuse problems began using drugs or alcohol as a result of peer pressure.
Kids often give in to peer pressure because they want to fit in. They want to be liked and they worry that they may be left out or made fun of if they don't go along with the group. And there may be particular challenges for rural areas and small towns. Because the population is smaller and there may be fewer choices for socializing, peer pressure may play a large role.
You are your child’s greatest and most enduring role model.
So what do we do about peer pressure? As a parent, our relationship with our child serves as a model and framework for all of the other relationships that our child will have. Never underestimate the amount of influence that you have on your child. It is never too early or too late to become the kind of role model that your child needs.
Emotional Health
All of our children and teens need certain things to grow and be healthy. You may know that your child needs to eat balanced meals and get enough exercise, but do you know what they need to be emotionally healthy? Research shows that emotionally healthy teens are less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Folks at the Search Institute in Minneapolis have been studying what young people need to stay strong and healthy. Put a copy of the 40 Developmental Assets on your refrigerator. You’ll notice that you and your family already do naturally many of the things that have been shown to support healthy youth development. A next step is to put the developmental assets to work intentionally for your child’s and family’s well-being.
Youth are exposed to peer pressure to use marijuana at increasingly younger ages.
Know the facts about marijuana and talk to your child about them. Don't wait. Talk to your child before he or she is exposed to peerpressure. Arm them with the information that they need to make a positive choice.
Talk to your child specifically about peer pressure.
Let them know you expect them to stay away from peers who pressure them to do things that seem wrong or dangerous. Teach them how to say "no," and practice how to avoid or get out of situations that feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Develop backup plans to help kids get out of uncomfortable or dangerous situations. For example, let them know you'll always come get them, no questions asked, if they feel worried or unsafe. Encourage them to spend time with other kids who resist peer pressure. It helps to have at least one friend who is also willing to say "no." Let them know that if they have problems with peer pressure they should talk to a grown-up they trust, like a parent, teacher, or school counselor.
Help your child or teen find healthy ways to relax and have fun.
Young people are always looking for ways to have fun. They can also get bored easily. Drugs offer what seems to be a carefree “high” with little or no effort. Help your teen develop an interest in different hobbies, clubs, and activities. Look for healthy ways to reduce boredom and too much free time. Take an active interest in what is important to your teen. Sometimes putting in the extra effort to drive your child to activities or host drug and alcohol free parties or get-togethers can help teens to develop the social connections that they need while limiting their exposure to unhealthy peer pressure.
Kansas City Psychologist Dr. Val Farmer has become a major voice in the area of rural psychology. Read what he has to say about raising a healthy child in a small community:
What is it like to raise a bright, socially popular child in a small community? The rural environment with its fabled closeness and warmth provide an extra level of protection and security to life—to a point. During the teenage years, this smallness and closeness can boomerang.
Parents of high achieving teens are surprised by how many risks their normally sensible children take with alcohol. Rural teens drink, drive drunk and ride with drinking drivers more frequently than their urban counterparts. Despite solid parenting, church participation, family love and traditional values, parents are amazed and aghast by the powerful influence of peer pressure on their child’s behavior.
Pressures parents face.
Parents in small communities have the same kind of social pressure. Why?
- Adult drinking. Recreation for adults frequently centers around drinking or activities where drinking is present. Parental injunctions not to drink come off as hollow and hypocritical in a social environment that is lubricated by alcohol.
- Rural permissiveness. Even when parents aren’t drinkers themselves, the prevailing attitudes like, “Nobody is doing anything wrong,” and, “Alcohol is OK, it is drugs that are bad,” undercut parental authority. When teens see the vast majority of their peers drink, they come to see their parents as the ones being rigid and out of step.
- Lack of consequences. Being caught may not have adequate consequences. School and community law enforcement officials often feel a lack of community support for tough rules. When tough rules are in effect, parents help their teens cover up drinking episodes or fight off the consequences.
- Small town politics. When parents do intercede, pressure builds for other parents to cover up or protect their children rather than be perceived as mean and unsupportive. Likewise, it is easier for school administrators, coaches and police officers to ignore the problem than to be hassled or condemned when they do take a stand. Small town politics can be intimidating to public officials and parents.
When the “in-group” drinks.
The small number of students creates a more intense kind of peer pressure. The entire class might constitute the “in-group.” Rural teens strongly assert that their peers don’t overtly pressure them to drink. What is striking is that most social life centers around drinking. To be a non-drinker in a rural school is to risk not having a social life at all.
In a large school, teens have more choices for finding acceptance in a non-drinking group. In a rural school, one finds the social split between the “partiers” and the “non-partiers.”
The non-partiers aren’t really a group. They don’t get together. The “non-partiers” tend to have stricter parents, be more religious or be more serious about school (brainy). Occasionally, teens from this group may attend parties and not drink or drink only on special occasions - prom or graduation.
If most popular kids drink, they set the trend and put pressure on the rest. “Either you are like us or you are out of it.” The fear of being lonely and socially isolated in a small school is strong. It is hard to go against the grain when part of the task of adolescence is finding approval from peers, refining social skills and asserting one’s independence from parents. Other factors include:
- Mixing of age groups. Rural schools are like one big family. Older students invite younger ones to their parties. Younger siblings are included in their older sibling’s activities. In large schools, junior high students aren’t invited to high school parties. In the rural environment, the recruitment of partiers crosses class lines.
- Young adults and teen drinking. High school graduates who have remained in the community have a vested interest in drinking parties. They do not have enough numbers in their own social group, so they help sponsor the parties and buy the booze.
- Sponsoring parents. Some “enlightened” parents rationalize that the way to teach teens to drink responsibly is to host the party and provide a “supervised” atmosphere.
- The senior year. Drinking accelerates during the senior year in high school. “It’s our senior year. We have to party.” Being a senior gives an additional layer of permission to an already permissive environment.
What can parents do?
Parents who don’t like what is going on feel as isolated as their teens in trying to buck the cultural acceptance of alcohol. Despite that isolation, when parents are willing to take a strong stand and have zero tolerance for teen drinking, this gives teens the out they need to resist the drinking scene. It is OK to blame the parents.
Parents in small rural communities can band together to sponsor alcohol-free activities. They can agree to conform to a single set of guidelines about supporting school and law enforcement consequences for drinking offenses. They also can communicate with each other about activities, curfews and chaperoning.
High achieving teens from quality families prefer and respond positively to alternatives from the teen drinking scene. It’s true. But they won’t do it without their friends. It is too big a risk. When enough parents and community members join together and cooperate, drinking by rural teens will go down. Peer pressure can be used in a positive fashion. All teens need is a choice.
For more information, see the American Academy for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s Facts for Families: Marijuana and Teens