PARENTS HELPING PARENTS
QUOTES FROM PARENT MEMBERS
Amy, Woburn
"I felt totally inadequate as a mother. I kept trying to convince myself that I could work things out on my own, but eventually I couldn't lie to myself anymore. It took a lot of courage to go to that first meeting. I was so ashamed. But when I got there, it was amazing to discover a place where parents could talk about their worst secrets without being judged. I never knew that if you had a problem you could talk about it and get help and understanding instead of criticism. PHP taught me that."
Ellen, Wilmington
"Parenting is absolutely the hardest job I've ever had. When I came to PHP, I didn't want people to tell me what to do; I wanted them to listen to me and help me figure out what I should do. We would cry together, laugh together, be angry together and admit our mistakes together without any fear of criticism. And if it's really difficult, I know I can call someone in the group and get support and understanding. I can reach for the telephone instead of reaching for my kids. People are there for each other. It's a family."
Wanda, Northampton
"I was new at being a mom, and I was really feeling inadequate, especially at bedtimes. I wasn't the Betty Crocker mom I'd always read about. I thought I was supposed to instantly adore this little creature. I adored him at two in the afternoon, but by eleven at night, I decided he was running my life. In PHP, other parents told me to get serious, to set a limit - no excuses. Now, we have a routine every night. And every week when we get together in our PHP group, it's like having your own cheering squad.
Nancy, Fall River
"Finally, I feel safe. Now I know I can call somebody to talk to who knows the way I feel because they feel the same way. The group is something I'm part of. It makes me feel good that I can help others. And I know now, as long as my kids believe I love them enough to keep trying to learn new parenting skills while I get the help I need in coming to terms with my own childhood, I am not a failure as a parent."
Ellen, Boston
"PHP has been wonderful. It gives me a peaceful outlet to talk about feelings, that my feelings aren't abnormal and don't make me a monster. I've learned so much about myself and why I do some of the things I do. I've learned a lot about why I'm angry. And I've also learned different ways of coping. I've learned to recognize when I'm becoming that angry and then to take steps to stop the cycle before it gets to the point where I want to slam them against the wall; I don't have to control that feeling as much because I don't get that far."
Lee, Quincy
"It seemed like God had singled me out for all the worst things in the world. What helped at first was just being able to go and cry and have someone put an arm around me and say they understood - understood that I loved my children but that I just didn't know what to do. In PHP, we learn how to cope with the situations that trigger our anger, and redirect the anger away from our kids."
Karen, Fitchburg
"I had a son that was so violent, and I was at my wits' end. He was breaking holes in the walls. He was trashing my home, assaulting myself, assaulting my daughter. I was to the point that I started throwing things. Not at him, but I threw a radio across the room, and I realized that I needed help. I didn't know how to show my children consequences in a healthy way. When I joined PHP, the biggest thing that I learned is that I'm the adult. These are my children. I'm the one that has to be in control, and then they respond. They feel safe. Kids need limits."
Mary, Salem
"I always thought I wouldn't make the same mistakes my parents did, but when you come from an abusive background, you spend all your time repeating them. I felt like a pressure cooker, with no place to let the steam out. But then PHP became a safety valve. At PHP we give each other suggestions on ways to deal with things. Our discussion might be about 10 different ways to get your kid to go to bed. One of the best things about PHP is that I get a chance to give support to others - it makes me feel good to be able to help."