PARABLE OF THE 2015 FIRE
Mr. Bernie Burns was in trouble and he knew it. The fire was downhill a half mile away, coming fast, and the power just went out. Suddenly a 2015 Dodge 4500 4x4 Crew Cab “Brush Truck” with a 400 gallon tank, Waterous 400 PSI pump, and all lights flashing, drove into his yard. The devoted driver jumped out, opened the backdoor and out stepped the Commander of the Clearwater Fire Complex. As this Federali gesticulated he reassured his audience, “Bless you, my children, you have nothing to fear. Everything is under control. We of the Supreme Law have learned to manage fire, and as you can see we have managed to keep your home from burning for100 years. However, we must leave you for the winds are now 10 miles per hour and we have more managing to do.” Had not Bernie been stepping rapidly to extinguish the sparks from the swaying incense burner he would have heard, as they drove out of sight, “Remember, all is well, and all will be well.”
Hardly had the high and the mighty exited his driveway than a 2009 Ford F550 “Quick Attack” Idaho DNR fire truck drove up. Out stepped the chief who quickly saw that the fire was now only ¼ mile away and exclaimed, “Your wood pile is next to your house, your yard is covered with junipers, and the pine trees are too close. There is nothing we can do to save your house. Besides, the winds are now 20 mph and there are others who need our help more.” Down the road they went like a pelican taking flight.
Hardly had the “pelican” rounded the distant bend than the Corvallis, Montana Hot Shot Crew in a 1998 school bus, closely followed by a 1000 gallon tanker roared up to the house. By now the fire was only 600 feet from Burns’ house but the crew clearly had undaunted courage; that is until their cell phone rang. With tears in their eyes they exclaimed, “Our leader says that the winds are now 30 miles per hour and we are ORDERED to return to the barn. We are so sorry, but you are on your own. Do you have anyone who can fight fire?” Without tasting ash the Hot Shot crew was gone, but just in time, for...
As the Hot Shot crew exited the driveway they nearly collided with the Carrot Ridge Volunteer Fire Department in a WWII surplus Dodge Power Wagon with a plastic 250 gallon tote and a Tecumseh 1.5 hp, 40 psi pump on the back. Swerving from the near-collision the Power Wagon left the county road, thundered down Burns’ driveway, plowed up the junipers, barely missed the house, and smacked head-on into the stack of firewood, scattering it down the mountainside. Out jumped six neighbors who quickly drug off the junipers, fell the trees and built and back-fired a fire line into 200 feet of blackness, expending their last drop of water in doing so.
Meanwhile, the wind had picked up to 40 miles per hour, the main fire arrived at the fire break and flaming debris began flying through the air and falling into the unburned grass behind the fire line. Fortunately the boys from Woodland had cleaned the Federali ethanol goo from the carburetor of Bernie’s generator, pulled down the main breaker switch at the electric panel, popped the 220 breaker for the pump, shoved in the generator wires, snapped the breaker back into place, pulled the starter rope twice and the generator and well coughed to life. Grabbing garden hoses everyone put out the spot fires.
In giddy relief, Mr. Bernie grabbed his check book and presented a $9,500 donation to the CRVFD.
“Thank you”, said the Chief, “We’ll put this to good use”.
“What will you do with it?” asked Bernie.
“Fix the brakes and get the transmission out of third gear.”
Chad Erickson 935-2376
ps. Though this story is fictionalized satire, it is 90% historically correct. Hollywood wants to make movie of it.