Original sentences and suggested revisions to achieve conciseness and directness.

  1. There are an estimated 300,000 cases of sport-related brain injuries in the US per year. However, surprisingly little is known about the lasting effects of concussions years after the patients have stated they are free of systems.

An estimated 3000,000 cases of sport-related brain insures occur in the US every year. However, knowledge of the lasting effects of concussions has not progressed

  1. Some of the more severe cases will take a few weeks for full recovery, but there are seldom reports of permanent damage. This can be attributed mainly to the difficulty in assessing inconspicuous problems in brain function.

Severe cases take weeks for full recovery but seldom lead to reports of permanent damage. Lack of reports may stem from a patient’s difficulty in assessing inconspicuous problems in brain function.

  1. The main focus of t his paper will be to study possible long-term effects.

This paper will focus on the long-term effects.

  1. I feel Tourette’s syndrome is an important topic to research because of how misunderstood it often is.

Tourette’s syndrome needs research because many people misunderstand the condition.

  1. For example, many people do not know that there are several varieties of the disorder, or that there are many different says the disorder can manifest itself.

For example,[many people do not know that] several varieties of Tourett’s exist, and [that] the disorder can manifest itself in many ways.

  1. The focus of this project is Celiac Disease.

This project focuses on Celiac Disease.

  1. The purpose of this proposed study is twofold.

This proposed study has two purposes.

  1. As the majority of society in the US continues to grow older, the prevalence of osteoporosis is also growing, especially among women.

As the US society ages, osteoporosis increases, especially among women.

  1. Down syndrome is a chromosomal disorder that results in numerous birth defects and health problems.

Down syndrome, a chromosomal disorder, causes numerous birth defects and health problems.

  1. Most cases of Down syndrome are not inherited, but are due instead to a chromosomal abnormality in which a child has three copies of Chromosome 21 rather than two.

Most people with Down syndrome do not inherit it but have a chromosomal abnormality: They have three copies of Chromosome 21 rather than two.

  1. It is important for parents of children with Down syndrome to understand their child’s special needs and to be knowledgeable about the health problems that might arise.

Children with Down syndrome must understand their child’s special need and know the health problems that may arise.

  1. The stronger focus of my research paper will be on the prevention of skin cancer.

My research paper will focus on prevention of skin cancer.

  1. Not only will this include preventive techniques, but also studies on why people use preventive techniques vs. why people avoid preventive techniques, and how tomaintain or alter these behaviors.

This paper will discuss preventive techniques, studies that explore why people use/avoid preventive techniques, and studies that suggest how to maintain/alter these behaviors.

  1. Unfortunately, there are many reasons why people don’t avoid UV exposure, such as having a job that must be performed outdoors, being involved in outdoor sports, and society’s association with beauty and tanning.

Unfortunately, many reasons explain why people don’t avoid UV exposure: having outdoor jobs, enjoying outdoor sports, and associating beauty and tanning.

  1. The report will give a basic overview of what an aneurism is, what the symptoms are, who is at risk, and how they are detected.

The report will overview aneurisms, describe symptoms, explain those at risk, and describe detection.

  1. It will also research the current medications and procedures for treating a person suffering from a migraine.

It will determine current medications for treatments for migraine sufferers.

  1. The justification for this research is that there is not enough information available to the average migraine sufferer.

The average migraine sufferer lacks sufficient information.

  1. Parkinson’s disease is a disorder of the centralnervous system. It causes loss of control of muscle movement and gets worse over time.

Parkinson’s disease, a disorder of the central nervous system, causes loss of muscle movement and worsens over time.

  1. Although there is no single test to definitely diagnose Parkinson’s disease, about 50,000 Americans are diagnosed with it each year.

Although no single test definitely diagnoses Parkinson’s disease, about 50,000 Americans receive this diagnosis each year.