Good morning. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. First things first. Happy Mother’s Day. A day where children everywhere panic that they’ve disappointed their Mother.
Or as it was known in my house growing up, Tuesday.
My name is Max Mutchnick, Class of ’87 but I prefer to be called ‘The Max’ – In Los Angeles, I’m known as dangerously handsome television writer. In Boston, I’m just an over-priced cafeteria on the second floor of a dormitory. I guess it keeps me real.
I am so thrilled to be here today. Receiving a Doctorate of Humane Letters in this company is truly awesome. I don’t think I can adequately express the meaning and significance that this degree will have for me and my family. This week my mother will finally be able to sit down at the beauty parlor and tell Susie Schmertz that her son is also a nice Jewish doctor. Ooh, I forgot to ask: Do I get a prescription pad with this doctorate? Another thing that will make my mother very happy.
Enough about my family. There’s more to come on my same-sex almost legal husband and our twin daughters born via gestational surrogacy in a section of the speech I call:
“Gaybies and Shmarriage – A gay man can have it ALL-ISH in 2013.”
I want to acknowledge Emerson’s Board of Trustees and our esteemed Chairman, Jeff Greenhawt. Thank you for having me here today. I have proudly served on the Board at Emerson for 8 years.
But the reason I’m up here today is because of Emerson’s President, Lee Pelton. What an exemplary leader you have been for this college. Particularly this year… particularly in the minutes and days following the horrific incident that took place in our front yard on Patriots Day. I was in my office on the Warner Bros lot in Los Angeles when I was told there had been at bombing on Boylston Street. My first thought was for my family and Emerson. My nephew is an Emersonian. When I reached Mason he told me that he was alright but some students had been injured and President Pelton was at the hospital with them.
It’s Lee’s caring nature and quick response to take action that tells us everything we need to know: simply put, the man has impeccable character. As a trustee of this college, as a member of the community and as a representative of these parents this morning. We’re glad you were the guy in charge on April 15th. Keep Calm and Pelt On.
Okay, thank yous out of the way. Now onto what all Emersonians really care about: themselves. You guys have been very patient. I’ve talked about other stuff for almost three pages. It’s time to dive into a big pool of you. But again, I have to express more thanks. It’s not just President Pelton and the remarkable faculty at Emerson that get all the credit for handling the events surrounding the Marathon… it’s you too. It’s the kick ass class of 2013.
As a student body you rallied immediately. Moments after the blast you kicked into high gear. You took to the streets armed with cameras and journalistic know how. In the days following: you were online, checking in with one another, donating blood, and in true Emerson fashion you found a way to use communication and marketing to raise money for the victims. I don’t know if the parents in this room know that it was Emerson students who were the first to create the widely successful Boston Strong T-shirts? As of this week, the Emerson Strong campaign has raised over 800,000 dollars. What vision. Emerson students used a skill set they most likely learned at this college to help start the healing process in this city. It’s so uniquely Emerson.
Boston Strong. It’s a powerful phrase. The idea that the citizens of this city are infused with a unique strength that comes from a shared sense of a special place. It got me thinking… The students at this school were able to create Boston Strong because they are Emerson Strong.
You are Emerson Strong. I’m talking to all of you. Whether you’re leaving today with a degree in film or theatre arts or journalism or communication disorders… Every single one of you is Emerson Strong. Now I don’t know if the school does this to us? Or we show up this way? It doesn’t really matter because we always find each other. It’s this thing that we have.
I initially found Emerson because my guidance counselor in High School, Mr. Karlin called me into his office and said, “Mutchnick, I want you to take a look at this college in the middle of the city of Boston” I asked him why it would be so good for me. He told me that the students at Emerson march to the beat of a different drummer. I always thought that was just code for “its okay to be gay at Emerson.” But really it was code for something else. I belonged at Emerson because I am Emerson Strong. It’s our… it’s your magic ingredient. Your special sauce.
I’ve been in Boston a lot this year and I’ve been lucky to meet and talk with many of you. So hear this: you are the best of the best. You are the best of the best. It gets scary after graduation so you must always come back to this simple truth: you’re good at what you do.
Boston Strong. Emerson Strong.
Today I think it’s my job to help all of you never forget about your -- special sauce.
So how do you hold on to everything you’ve cultivated for the last four years…
Friends of mine have an eight-year-old son and just recentlygave birth to a little girl. When the mother asked her son days before she was to give birth if HE was excited to meet his new sister he said, “yes” – but he had a condition. He insisted that the only way he would welcome his baby sister into his life was if he got to meet her alone. He didn’t want anyone else in the room. His parents struggled with this request but ultimately decided that it would be okay. They had a baby monitor in the nursery so they could listen in and if anything went wrong, they would sweep into the room. So the first night the baby girl was in the house and comfortably coo-ing in her crib it was time to meet her big brother. The parents opened the door to the nursery and let their eight-year-old son into the room. When the door closed, mom and dad rushed into the kitchen to listenin from the baby monitor. They heard their son cross the room. The crib creeked as he pushed his face between the slates. For a moment or two he listened to the sounds of his infant sister and then whispered a simple question to this newborn child, “Tell me about G-d because I’m forgetting?”
Now I love that story. And I don’t care if you believe in G-d or not. You can pray to a giant peach for all I care. That story has always touched me because I think it’s about not forgetting who we really are. WE are the eight-year-old child and GOD is our identity. It’s our character. And character, ladies and gentlemen, is all you really have.
When we are born, we are perfectly untouched and pure – no pretense. Completely authentic.
You don’t have what I call the “what will they think of me?” syndrome.
But here you are now. More than 20 years later. Draped in all this knowledge. You have belief systems, and relationships and a cultural identity. So how can you remain authentic while you’re busy trying to be a brand? First and foremost stop trying to a brand. Ketchup is a brand. Preparation H is a brand. Don’t aspire to be a brand. It really gets in the way of being a person.
How do WE make sure we don’t forget who we are on the way to who we want to be?
We tell the truth.
One of the best parts of coming out for me was that by telling the truth I no longer had to remember anything. There’s a lot of detail work in lying. Once I stopped, I was free. Life gets so much easier when you’re living your truth. I was physically uncomfortable the entire time I was in the closet. Listen to this: for an entire year of my adolescence I would go to bed at nighttime with popsicle sticks taped to my wrists because I was petrified that if I had limp wrists at school it would give me away. For some reason I had no problem with the satin baseball hat and rainbow suspenders. But the wrists would be a dead giveaway.
I started telling the truth in Boston.
I really feel like I became the man I am today at this school because it was here that I no longer felt judged.
My shrink reminds me every week that the practice of being human does not require criticism or judgment. That includes self- inflicted criticism and judgment.
In many ways that’s the worst of them all, right? When you walk out of here today, I urge you to keep that in mind. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Trust that you have the answers. What was worse than when you were in class and the professor asked a question you knew you had the answer to, but you didn’t raise your hand because you didn’t trust yourself. So some chump two rows over answers the question and he gets the all the glory. Be loud and proud about what you know. If you’re not careful, allowing others to speak for you can become a reflex.
In the New Testament -- my least favorite Testament -- in the sermon from the Mount it is said, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house… let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works!”
I wish that was a Nicki Minaj quote, but it’s Jesus Christ. And it makes my point about letting your light shine much better than – “Boom, badoom boom badaba!”
Will and Grace only came to me, and my writing partner, David Kohan because we weren’t hiding our light under a basket. We were going to tell that story before anyone else did. We would never have been able to write 200 episodes of that television show if we worried about perception and judgment. It was only when we let go of that fear and told the truth that the stories we wanted to share were able to come forth. Not trusting yourself clogs up your pipes. You can’t even ask good questions if you’re not you. Or write good speeches…
In preparing for today, I felt an enormous responsibility to connect with all of you. I so badly wanted to get it right. I studied all these different Commencement Speeches on line. Tom Hanks at Yale, Oprah at Spelman, Steve Jobs at Stanford. They gave great speeches. I wanted to be them, but every time I sat down to write this great speech nothing would happen. It was only when I stopped trying to be an Oscar winning black talk show host who created the iPhone and started being a Jewish gay sitcom writer who created twin daughters that authenticity gave way to creativity and words issued forth.
And you know, being authentic doesn’t mean you have to stay the same… Transformation is key. When I got to Emerson my name was Jason Mutchnick, when I left my name was Max Mutchnick and as of this morning I am officially Dr. The Max. You are about to be catapulted into “real life.” Embracing transformation will ultimately help you through the inevitable hard times.
And there will be hard times. Despite all of this great preparation and education, life will get its hooks in you along the way. Demands, goals, student loans, responsibilities can be daunting...even for the luckiest of us -- no one goes untouched. We were reminded on Marathon Monday that our normal can change in an instant.
That is why it is critical to roll with the punches and not limit yourself to one way of thinking or being. You don’t lose your identity because you walk in someone else’s shoes. You just develop compassion. So be kind. Not everyone has your special ingredient. Remember that empathy is the first step in making a positive connection. You’ve seen what harnessing your talents and compassion can do for your community and for your city. Now, as you embark on post-grad life…you must use all these qualities to make the world a better place.
There’s a Hebrew phrase: “Tikk-oon Oh-lam.” It means to heal the world. A small act of kindness can snowball and maybe even start a revolution.
Emerson Strong got us Boston Strong.
Now, I’m running out of time and there are still so many other things I to discuss, but I can’t fit them into the body of this speech –
So, in no particular order the following are the other very important things I want you to know.
--Red Vines are better than Twizzlers.
--Vote.
--(310) 659-5101. That’s Dr. Tatoff’s office number. It’s a tattoo removal place. You’ll want to get your tattoos removed. Nicole Richie and I have learned this the hard way.
--Take care of your shit. You can only have the freedom to be authentic when you’ve paid your bills.
--Buy a clean WHITE shirt. Wearing a clean white to an interview doesn’t make you inauthentic. It makes you hirable. Which helps you take care of your shit.
--Don’t wear cheap shoes. Just in general don’t be cheap. But especially when it comes to footwear. Am I right, Debbie Allen? She knows.
--Reality TV is junk food. Make no mistake about it. You’ll get fat if you watch that stuff. American Idol and Fashion Queens are the exceptions.
-- Mashed cauliflower is a great low caloric alternative to mashed potatoes.
-- Make your bed. Every. Day.
--Love is not a pie. You get more than six slices. Give it away freely, my friends.
--Your body IS a pie. Do NOT give slices of it away freely.
--When you have the chance to meet a famous person, it is often very disappointing. Remember this if you become a famous person.
-- If you’re in a fight with anyone in your immediate family, make up with them even if it’s NOT your fault.
Two more and probably the most crucial
-- It’s more important to interested than interesting. I repeat, it’s more important to be interested than interesting.
--And finally, listen carefully… Don’t sleep with people in Business Class. Only coach and first class. The confident and the grateful tend to be better lovers.
Okay. That’s it. As I take a final moment of reflection, I can’t help but look at your faces. You are beautiful. I feel so proud and grateful to know that you are about to charge into the your life with a world-class education that will allow you to leave your mark in amazing and important ways. My husband, -- who is here this morning -- and I want to thank you in advance for making this world a better place for our daughters.
And finally, I want you to never forget. It was you who lovingly helped this city with Boston Strong, because you are Emerson Strong so now it’s time to Graduate Strong.
This IS your time. There’s room for you wherever you may go. YOU get to write your history. Make it count. Let your light shine for all of us to see. Tikkoon Oh-lam.
Good Luck, I love you, G-d Bless You.
1
As of 12/8/18 at 4:21 PM