ON BEING A PASTOR’S WIFE

Dr. Emerson Falls

Recently, I was asked, “Are the wives of Pastors called to be a pastor’s wife?” There is no doubt that the position that we call “pastor” is a special calling from the Lord. What about the wife?

Genesis 2: 24 says that a man will leave his father and mother and will bond with his wife, and they will become one flesh. A man and a woman complete each other. Together, they are one. This is true no matter what they are called to do. I believe that a call to pastoral ministry is something both partners should surrender to do, even though only one will be officially ordained. Speaking personally, I could not have done the things I have done in ministry, without the support of my wife. We accepted the call to ministry together.

This brings me to the real point of this article. Pastor’s wives are the unsung heroes of ministry. The pastor and his work is very visible. Much of the work of a pastor’s wife is behind the scenes. The lack of visibility does not mean lack of importance. Wives labor alongside the pastor, yet much of what they do is overlooked or never seen.

Here are some things church members should know about their pastor’s wife:

  1. Her first responsibility is to be a wife (and mother). And the same could be said of the pastor. Our first responsibility is to our family. 1 Timothy 3: 4 says that the pastor must first take care of his family, or else how can he take care of the church. Churches should encourage the pastor and his family to have regular periods of family time. And pastors, don’t get so caught up in ministry that you neglect your wife and children.
  1. She is uniquely gifted. Not all pastor’s wives are alike. God gives spiritual gifts to everyone in the church in order to serve the body. This includes the pastor’s wife. She may have the gift of hospitality and enjoy serving others. She may be gifted to work with children, or not. She may be gifted to lead a women’s Bible study. There are many other ways she could be gifted. The church should never expect a pastor’s wife to minister in an area that God has not gifted her to serve. This means don’t have unrealistic expectations of what the pastor’s wife is supposed to do. And pastor, don’t give extra jobs to your wife because it needs to be done and no one else will do it. Let find and use her giftedness. She will be fulfilled and you will be blessed.
  1. She desires friendships like everyone else. Being a pastor’s wife can be a lonely experience. People don’t mind approaching the pastor’s wife when they have a problem. But for some reason, they don’t always invite her to just hang out. Perhaps they are uncomfortable or they think she will not enjoy their company. She would like nothing more than to laugh and play with people who are her friends. Pastor, she needs time with you, but she also needs a “girl’s night out” once in a while. You could baby sit if necessary. I’m sure the kids will survive.
  1. She doesn’t enjoy financial struggles. Small churches cannot afford to pay the pastor a big salary. Because God has called, the pastor and his wife are willing to make sacrifices to serve the church. In some cases, the pastor’s wife has to do without some nicer things that other’s in the church may possess. It is especially difficult when she sees her children also having to dowithout some things. I know churches sometimes give gifts to the pastor on special occasions. Why couldn’t a church give a special gift to the pastor’s wife so that she could enjoy something nice? Above all, take good care of your pastor and family!

The pastor and his wife are not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Don’t expect them to be perfect just because they have been called to serve the church. I believe the Lord would be pleased if the church also served the pastor, and the pastor’s wife. Remember, she is the unsung hero in the church. Why not sing her praises once in a while?