NORTHERN NEW ENGLAND DISTRICT A/G MEN'S RETREAT
May 19-20, 2000
"Tools for Manhood"
Lake Ossipee Conference Center
Ossipee Lake Rd. Freedom, NH
THE USE OR ABUSE OF AUTHORITY
Dennis Marquardt
TEXTS:Gen. 2:15-19; I Tim. 2:12-14; Eph. 5:21-33; selected passages in Ruth, Esther, I Tim., I Cor., Galatians, and the Gospels.
INTRO:Our culture and society has so redefined the roles of men and women that many Christian men today lack understanding of the function and operation of their own roles as Christian men.
Men and women are not the same - neither is one superior to the other. It is important however as men that we understand the function of our God given call as men, especially in light of God's call for men to exercise "authority" in the home and in society.
Typically there are two extremes of Biblical teaching on Men as "head" of their wife, or as men who are called to exercise authority:
(1.That his decisions are final and binding on all in the house, that the wife is simply to submit to her own husband with unquestioned obedience.
(2.That his headship is gone in the new covenant of "no male nor female"
Both of these are wrong, God has given to men the role of authority … but this must be understood properly or it will have negative impact on his marriage, family, and even his job and friendships.
PROP. SENT: God created two kinds of power: "Authority" and "Influence" … one resides in the male, the other in the female … one is NOT greater than the other, but is different, they must work together to create purpose.
I. GOD'S PLAN Gen. 2:15-19
A.Power
1.Adam became symbol of AUTHORITY.
2.Eve became symbol of INFLUENCE.
3.These are 2 kinds of POWER … equal but different.
B.Adam Gen. 2:15-19
1.God gave "authority" to Adam.
a.Adam was at first alone.
b.God gives him authority to name all creatures (including Eve)
c.God gives Adam authority to work the garden
d.God spoke directly to Adam concerning the special trees, Adam was given God's instructions directly, Eve received them later through Adam.
e.Even Eve's designation as "helper" indicates Adam's place as the authority figure.
f.His physical size as larger indicated God's placement of authority on Adam.
g.Adam was made as the first human, head of race … made directly by God from the dust of the ground.
2.It is important to remember that "authority" is a form of power … and real "power is simply the ability to achieve purpose" (Dr. Richard Dobbins)
3.The power of authority invested in Adam was not to make him superior to Eve, it was to give Adam a unique form of power equal but different from Eve's power.
C.Eve Gen. 2:15-19; I Tim. 2:14
1.God gave Eve the power of INFLUENCE.
a."Influence" can be just as powerful (and sometimes greater than) as "Authority"
b.Eve exercised strong "influence" over her husband, even bending Adam's authority … I Tim. 2:14 clearly indicates that Adam was NOT deceived, it was Eve … she was influenced to go against God's authority, and then used her influence to have Adam disobey willfully.
c.Eve's smaller physical size required a different kind of power than authority, hers was influence.
d.Eve's creation from a rib of Adams demonstrates her "connection" to him … thus relationship oriented.
2.While "authority" flows from "top to bottom" or in a hierarchical way, "influence" flows horizontally or in a relational way.
a.This is why men derive self esteem from what they do while women derive self esteem by how their relationships are.
b.This is also why men and women have such conflicts in marriage because they don't understand this difference and how important those differences are in ministering to one another as husband and wife.
(1.A man can be happy if his work goes well even if relationships aren't always smooth.
(2.A woman can be happy if work isn't going well as long as her relationships are healthy and loving.
(3.We are wired differently and use "power" differently!
3.Our differences are not meant to divide us as husband and wife but to make us stronger as a unit than we can be as single units.
4.A good marriage results in the proper understanding and exercise of the roles of "authority" and "influence"
II. GREAT POWER I Tim. 2:12-14
A.Differences I Tim. 2:12-14
1. Authority - resides in a POSITION - diminishes by delegation, the more you delegate the less of it you have.
a.Adam being first gave him the position of authority.
b.Paul used this argument to assert Adam's authority in I Tim. 2:13.
2.Influence - resides in a PERSON - increases by giving it away, the more you give away, the more you have.
3.While different, both of these types of power are mighty -- in some ways influence is greater than authority, and in other ways vice versa.
B.Dynamics
1."A man who won't allow his wife to influence his family decisions provokes her to rebel against his authority." (Dr. Richard Dobbins - Building Families That Last)
2."A woman who rebels against her husband's authority provokes her children to be rebels; thus, the entire power structure of the family collapses." (Dr. Richard Dobbins - Building Families That Last)
3.In general, men will be attracted to positions of power, women to people of power they can influence.
a.Hence why men try to climb the power structures that give them authority…
b.Hence why women are attracted to men who have power and authority - gives them a place to use their influence.
III. GREAT PARTNERSHIPS Eph. 5:21-33
A.Examples (assorted texts)
1.Adam & Eve Gen. 1-3
a.Both Adam and Eve were given the command to "rule the Earth" Gen. 1:28
b.God intended their partnership to have power, with his authority and her influence they would be a powerful partnership.
c.Children need to experience both authority and influence to grow up healthy.
2.Ruth & Boaz Ruth 1-4
a.Boaz was a man of authority, which he used to help others.
b.Ruth's influence was strong - together they were a great team!
c.Ruth uses her influence on Boaz, and he used his authority and it became a great love story of a healthy marriage in a time when women had little equality with men.
3.Ahasuerus & Esther Book of Esther
a.Queen Vashti bucked the king's authority … her union and partnership with him ended!
b.Queen Esther used her power of influence with the king and he fell even more deeply in love with her, and she was able to move his authority to save Israel.
c.Vashti tried being the King's equal by exercising an equal authority and it backfired, but when Esther utilized her skills of influence the king was attracted to her as a partner and willing to use his authority to please her.
4.Abraham & Sarah Gen. 15-22
a.Abraham was a man of authority, Sarah demonstrated on several occasions her powers of influence with her husband.
b.Their relationship showed a partnership of power with both using their particular forms of power well with each other.
5.Herodias & Herod (negative example of the same working principle) Matt. 14:3-12 Mark 6:14-29
a.Herodias used her influence on Herod to have John the Baptist imprisoned.
b.Herodias' daughter Salome (Josephus says this was her name) danced before Herod, and Herodias influenced her daughter to ask Herod for the head of John the Baptist … Herod was distraught about this but went along with it because of the powerful influence both these gals wielded over him.
B.Functions Eph. 5:21-33
1.Authority is used to establish order and discipline through the prism of love - unselfish.
a.This is precisely Paul's point in his description on how men are to "love their wives as Christ loves the Church." Eph. 5:25 Godly authority practiced by the husband will establish order in a home if done as Christ loves the Church.
b.No woman will have problems of submission to a man who would love her and her children as Christ loved the Church … this kind of practiced authority seeks to protect, build up, create godly order, and is selfless.
c.This is precisely the kind of authority Jesus exercised, totally unselfish and other directed. This is the kind of "authority" Christian men are to exercise in their marriages and their homes.
d.The concept of this kind of authority is that it controls self, not others!
e.By the way, Paul also describes in Galatians that one aspect of the fruit of the Spirit is "self control"
f.Any man that uses his authority to control his wife does not understand Biblical authority, in fact, this kind of abusive authority is evil! Satan got Eve to believe that God's authority was controlling her and so to rebel against God by disobedience … that she could be free and equal with God. Satan's use of authority is controlling others to do his own will, so the expression of such authority that seeks to control others is actually the foundation of evil!
(1.Heavy handed or dominating Christian men who use Eph. 5:24 to get their wives to submit to their authority can actually be playing in evil schemes!
(2.Christ modeled how authority is to work in a marriage by the way He loved the Church … He gave Himself for it, never demanded but always kept Himself disciplined.
2.Influence is used to facilitate reconciliation and negotiation, also through the prism of love.
a.Wife is suppose to submit to husband's authority, but by using her power of influence in the relationship to make their purpose together workable.
b.Her natural desire will be toward her husband to influence his use of authority so they can work together.
c.This is a true partnership at work, in this sense they are both submitting to one another (see Eph. 5:21 which precedes the entire instructions given to the husband and wife)
d.It is interesting to note that Paul writes only 3 verses to the wife but writes 9 verses to the husband on proper use of their respective powers. This would seem to indicate that the greater problem resided with the husbands who were not loving their wives as Christ loved the Church rather than the wives failure to submit to their own husbands!
(1.As side notes: Notice Paul is not making an argument here that women are to submit to men, but that wives are to submit to THEIR OWN HUSBAND. Eph. 5:24
(2.Even the passage about women keeping silent in the Church adds, "they should ask their OWN husbands at home…" (I Cor. 14:34-35)
(3.the point of this was quite practical, Christian women for the first time were allowed to participate in the services, but they were uneducated at that point in time, so rather than disrupt the service continually by their many questions Paul says that they "should ask their own husbands at home" so the services can be without disruption - notice that this comes right after Paul's comment in I Cor. 14:33, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace" and just preceding Paul telling the Church, "everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way." (I Cor. 14:40) It was not a planned theology that women should remain silent in Church FOREVER, but during this time when women had a lot of catch-up work in education, here their own husbands could help them!
e.The wife's use of influence with her husband is not a tool of manipulation, but an act of loving submission. Just as he can abuse his use of authority, a wife can abuse her powers of influence.
f.Like the Church submits to Christ, she is to submit to her own husband … an act of loving willingness.
C.Understanding
1."Authority" makes men PERFORMANCE oriented.
2."Influence" makes women PEOPLE oriented.
3.This difference creates interesting gaps between men and women:
a.A man whose job is going well might not be so upset if relationships aren't working as well, but a woman whose relationships are going poorly might not do well at work.
b.This is why a man might come home from a good day at work and want to just relax, but the wife immediately wants to connect with him relationship wise … sets the stage for interesting things!
4.As men we must understand the proper use of authority and to appreciate our wife's need to exercise her powers of influence.
a.healthy authority mixed with healthy influence creates a powerful union and a marriage that has strong purpose to it.
b.Either unhealthy authority or unhealthy influence can destroy a marriage, and create an environment where there is a purposeless marriage.
5.Even in the teen years these dynamics are beginning to flex their muscles with boys and girls:
a.Teen age boys begin to exercise their OWN authority and thus battle against their father's authority … but often keep a fairly good relationship with their moms.
b.Teen age girls will often get into a struggle with their mothers but learn to exercise influence over their dads, usually maintaining a pretty good relationship with their fathers while competing with their mothers for the role of influencing.
c.Teens learn best on how authority and influence work when they see good models of them in their own parents.
d.*Example: The prodigal son story - the father did not use his authority to control the rebellious son, he used his authority to control HIMSELF - the father did not give up his authority, rather he strengthened it so that when his son realized his own error he came back to his father and submitted to his father's authority again. The prodigal son's father did not come after him to force his return, but he exercise his authority on his son's return to restore him.
(1.Like God who has all authority and power … yet allows mankind to choose his own way.
(2.This freedom of choice by man does not diminish God's authority or power, rather it hurts the rebellious who fail to understand it and submit to it.
6.It is important that we understand the proper functions of AUTHORITY and INFLUENCE in our marriages and in our homes, and even in their expression in our relationships of work and society.
CONCLUSION: How well would you rate your use and understanding of authority as a man?
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