Normal Human Beings 5/18/2019 1
NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS
Writer: Hayden Morphy
Draft: #3
Date: 10/11/06
1: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL PARKING GARAGE – DAY
DAN, 17, is an average high school junior. He’s walking up the stairs in the parking garage towards his car. Along the way, he meets up with CASEY, 17, also a high school junior. Casey is very much like Dan, except that he acts a little more irrationally and without really thinking very much.
DAN
(Jokingly) What do you want?
CASEY
I want a lot of things. You don’t happen to know Jessica Simpson by any chance do you?
DAN
(Not Amused) No, I can’t say that I do.
CASEY
Well then that’s one more thing I can’t have. What do you say we have a little fun? (Smirks)
DAN
(Smirks back) Now that, my friend, I can give with great pleasure.
Dan and Casey continue to walk to Dan’s car.
2: INT. DAN’S CAR – MINUTES LATER
Dan and Casey are inside of Dan’s 4-door sedan. Dan drives while Casey sits next to him in the passenger’s seat.
DAN
(To Casey) Let me ask you something.
(pause)
Why do we do this?
CASEY
(To Dan) I’ve got a better question. Can you think of anything better to do after school than inflicting pain on unsuspecting people who are too busy with themselves to notice what’s going on right in front of their own face?
Pause. Dan is clearly thinking about a truthful answer that he can think of.
DAN
... We could join a club...?
Casey laughs hysterically
CASEY
Yeah and what, play with light sabers?
Pause while Dan thinks about this. He concludes that what they’re about to do is definitely more fun than playing with light sabers
DAN
Point made.
3: TITLE SEQUENCE
4: EXT. UNKNOWN (HIDDEN) HIDING SPOT - MIDDAY
Dan and Casey pull off to the side of the road at a specific point. They have obviously been here many times before. Dan stops the car. As they get out of the car:
CASEY
Good huntin’.
DAN
Roger that.
Both kids walk to a spot with a perfect view of what’s across the street. We still don’t know exactly what they’re doing here.
DAN
Bogey. 2 o’clock.
This is when our question is answered. They’re aiming at people walking down the sidewalk across the street from them. All of a sudden, the two boys whip out pistols. They have orange coloring on the end, so it’s only airsoft. Both boys pull their triggers. Both miss.
DAN
(Angry sigh) Ah, cock-a-doodle-doo.
Casey gives Dan an odd stare as they both keep their guns as they were. Camera is set behind them so the audience can see what they’re aiming at, but it’s somewhat of a blur.
CASEY
What did you just say?
Dan fires again and looks at Casey, who is looking back at him, and without really seeing what he hit or if he even hit anything.
DAN
(Thinking he’s being very normal in his choice of words) Cock-a-doodle-doo.
The boys continue to stare at each other throughout the conversation, not realizing that in the distance a HOMELESS MAN has been hit and knocked out by one of the pellets.
CASEY
(Very confused look, like he’s communicating with a 2-year-old.) You do realize that normal human beings don’t speak like that right?
DAN
It may not be the way that normal people speak but I will defend to the death their right to say it.
CASEY
That’s not the quote.
DAN
Don’t make me point this deadly weapon at you.
CASEY
First of all, that would be an airsoft gun; the maximum pain that it can inflict would be like a bee sting for 10 minutes. Second of all, has either of us even hit anything yet?
The boys look at the area where they’ve been aiming. They see the homeless guy. They recognize that they are probably the reason for this. Not a word is said. At the same time, both kids look down either end of where the body lies. Nobody in sight. Still silent, and at the same time, they glance at each other and bolt for the body.
5: EXT. STANDING OVER THE BODY – CONTINUOUS
CASEY
You think he’s dead?
Dan doesn’t answer.
DAN
What do we do?
Both boys stop for a second to think. Casey grabs the body’s arms.
CASEY
Come on, grab his legs.
DAN
(Gives Casey an extremely troubled look)Pardon? Do you realize what you...? I mean this guy could be... (Nervously laughs) You know that this is entirely your fault right?
CASEY
(Gives Dan a mocking look) (Sarcastically) Yes.
DAN
I hope you know that I hate you.
CASEY
Noted
6: EXT. DAN’S CAR – NOT LONG AFTER
They toss the body into the backseat of the car and get into the car. Again, Dan’s driving and Casey’s in the passenger seat.
7: INT. DAN’S CAR – MINUTES LATER
As the car moves along the road, the boys are still; the body just lies in the backseat. We can see that it’s been this way for a while. Dan breaks the silence, and asks this question despite the fact the he’s the one driving.
DAN
Where are we even going?
CASEY
Your house.
DAN
(Glances at Casey/Questioning)My house?
CASEY
(Repeats himself)Your house.
DAN
(Statement)My house.
CASEY
Your house.
Dan continues to stare forward. Casey turns and gives him an annoyed look. Dan doesn’t look but he sees Casey.
DAN
And would you care to explain as to why we aren’t taking him to your place?
CASEY
Oh sure Danny let me think for a second. (Pretends to think for a second) Oh yeah. My place is an apartment that consists of three people and is about the size of your closet.
(Pause)
Dan acknowledges that Casey’s right.
DAN
Did I mention that I hate you?
CASEY
Did I mention: Noted?
8: EXT. DAN’S DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
They pull into Dan’s driveway and look upon his rather large house. They remain inside the car.
CASEY
Parents home?
DAN
(Checks the time) No, the D.A.’s office doesn’t close ‘till eleven.
CASEY
(Smiles) Perfect.
9: INT. ENTRY OF DAN’S HOUSE – MINUTES LATER
Dan and Casey enter Dan’s house; Casey’s holding the body’s legs and Dan holds the arms.
CASEY
Where should we put him?
DAN
(Thinks and looks around; Motions straight ahead of them)
There. The basement.
They start to move towards the basement.
10: INT. DAN’S BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS
CASEY
You don’t think your parents will know he’s down here?
The camera acknowledges that this room is rarely visited by anybody in the house. From the looks of it, the only time somebody enters this room is right before Christmas, judging from the wrapping paper lying around. There is a lot of dirt and dust, and everything is unorganized.
Dan looks around, analyzing Casey’s question.
DAN
I’m pretty sure my parents don’t even know this room exists.
They cram the body into a corner.
DAN
Are we bad people for doing this?
Casey just glares at him. Just before he leaves to go upstairs, he smacks Dan upside the head. Dan looks to the left of the body and notices some Christmas wrapping paper. He takes it and carefully attempts to conceal the body with it. After, the camera shows the body. It’s hardly hidden, but Dan seems extremely satisfied. He then exits.
Cut to black screen labeled as:
11: INT. DAN’S ROOM – COUPLE NIGHTS LATER, RIGHT BEFORE DINNER
The boys are in Dan’s room on a Saturday night. Casey is over for dinner before Dan’s parents go to some big fancy event for the District Attorney. They both have a solemn attitude.
CASEY
We need to do something, Danny.
DAN
We will.
CASEY
Have you even checked on him?
DAN
(Pauses while he looks at Casey) No, but...
Casey interrupts.
CASEY
What? How could you not check on the body that is lying in your basement?
DAN
(Trying to redeem himself) I covered him up though!
Casey isn’t relieved.
CASEY
Do you even know if he’s still down there?
Dan seems very sure of himself with what he’s about to say.
DAN
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that he is safely hidden in the...
Dan is interrupted by his MOTHER from downstairs.
DAN’S MOM (Off screen)
(Yelling) Boys! Dinner’s ready!
Silence as Casey gives Dan an angry look. Dan responds to his mom.
DAN
(Yelling back to his mom) Coming! (Heads for the door) Come on, let’s go.
Dan and Casey exit the room through the door.
12 INT. DINING ROOM – SECONDS LATER
There’s an awkward silence as all four people (Dan, Casey, and DAN’S PARENTS) quietly eat each own meal. The parents are both reading a copy of “Good Parenting” magazine, not looking up at Dan or Casey. All that can be heard is the clinking and clanking of the utensils hitting the plates.
DAN’S DAD
(Insisting on breaking the silence) So, Casey, how’s your dad doing?
CASEY
Oh, you know, works work with dad.
Just then there is a noise coming from the kitchen. It sounds like a door closing. Dan suddenly realizes what is happening. Before anyone else can, he quickly gets up and heads toward the kitchen.
DAN
(Frantic and nervous) Um... I’m gonna go refill my drink.
Everyone just gives him an odd look.
DAN
(To Casey) Would you like anything?
Dan’s obviously trying to get Casey to go with him to check out what’s going on, but Casey doesn’t realize it.
CASEY
No thanks man I’m good.
Dan clenches his teeth and motions towards the kitchen.
DAN
Maybe you don’t know what we have...?
Casey gets the hint. He knows exactly what this is about.
CASEY
Oh... yeah ok
The boys leave the room together.
13: INT. DAN’S ENTRYWAY – CONTINUOUS
Casey starts rambling off while Dan repeatedly tries to shush him.
CASEY
Are you kidding me? (SHH!) Why did you never check on him? (SHH!) This would have never happened if you had just checked on him! (SHH!) I can’t believe you never checked on him! (SHH!)
This continues until they turn the corner into the kitchen, only to stop abruptly. The camera is behind them, blocking what they’re looking at. Camera shifts to show... the “unconscious” guy making a sandwich at the counter with his back to the kids.
14: INT. DAN’S KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Both boys are frozen, shocked. Suddenly, Casey just starts making a beeline towards the man. He looks like he is in a trance.
DAN
(Whispering) Casey! What are you doing?
Casey remains silent. He grabs a pan from the stove and just as he is about to smash it onto the man’s head, he turns around and grabs something out of a drawer, then turns back around to his sandwich. He never even noticed Casey standing there with a pan raised above his head. Casey looks confused. He looks over at Dan, who just shrugs at him. Casey looks back at the man and after a short pause, whacks him over the head with the pan, and the man falls to the ground.
DAN’S MOM
(Off screen) Is everything alright in there?
DAN
(Yelling back to his mother) Yeah Mom. Casey just tripped over himself.
DAN’S MOM
(Off screen/Not really listening) Ok honey whatever you need.
Dan rolls his eyes.
CASEY
Come on Dan let’s get this guy out of here.
Dan agrees.
DAN
(To his mom) Hey Mom, Casey and I need to pick up some more milk. We’ll be back soon.
DAN’S MOM
(Still not really listening) Ok.
15: INT. DAN’S CAR – SOON THEREAFTER
The boys put the body back into the backseat of Dan’s car. They get into their same seats.
DAN
(To Casey) Alright so now what do we do?
CASEY
Hang on let me think.
A significant amount of time passes. We can see the two boys from the front of the car. Dan is focused intently on his driving. Casey is focused intently on what’s out the window. All of a sudden, the man in the backseat, silently, sits perfectly upright in the middle. Dan checks his rearview mirror.
DAN
Casey.
CASEY
(Looks over at Dan) Huh?
Casey notices that he’s talking about the man in the backseat. He takes the same pan from before and, again, whacks the man in the face. Neither kid has a noticeable reaction. More time passes.
CASEY
I’ve got it.
DAN
What?
Casey just looks at Dan with a grin on his face. Dan’s face goes from confused to satisfied. The viewers don’t know what they’re talking about.
DAN
(Smiling) I see...
16: EXT. RANDOM HOUSE – NOT LONG AFTER
The boys pull up to an average-looking house. The boys drag the body up the front walkway and drop him on the doorstep. They ring the doorbell and proceed to bolt for their car. They hide behind the car as they wait for an answer.
CASEY
(Smirking) This is what happens when you steal things that don’t belong to you.
DAN
(Gives Casey a look like: You’re stupid) I’m pretty sure that’s what stealing means.
CASEY
What do you mean?
DAN
Well how can you steal something that belongs to you in the first place?
CASEY
By taking it.
DAN
But it’s already yours, so aren’t you just taking it back?
The door opens. Casey realizes he made a silly little English mistake.
CASEY
Shut up someone’s at the door.
The door opens and there’s a woman standing in the doorway. Dan and Casey give each other a very confused look.
DAN
Um... who’s that???
CASEY
I have no idea.
DAN
Is this not Jonathan’s house?
They both look really nervous.
CASEY
I thought it was.
DAN
Crap.
The boys watch as the lady looks around, and then down at the body. She pokes it. The man quickly and suddenly stands up and startles the woman. They stare at each other for a minute, and the man hastily scrams down the street. The woman looks around for someone one more time, and goes back into her house, and we can hear the door lock. Dan and Casey just look at each other and get in the car.
CUT TO:
17: INT. DAN’S CAR – SOON AFTER
Dan and Casey are in the same exact positions as when they were thinking about what to do with the body earlier that night. The last lines are given in a lightning-fast dialogue.
CASEY
Maybe we should join a club.
DAN
I hear they have a wonderful lightsaber program.
CUT TO BLACK
18: CREDITS