New Trends in Serving Children of Incarcerated Parents

and

Their Relative Caregivers

July 14, 2011

Dee Ann Newell

Arkansas Voices for Children

Melinda_Perez_Porter / Hello Everyone! Thank you all so much for joining us for our web chat on serving
relative caregiver families of incarcerated parents! A very special "thank you" to your
fellow RAPP, Dee Ann Newell who will facilitate the chat! Please feel free to ask
questions, post comments and share how you serve caregiver families with
incarcerated parents. Thanks so much Dee Ann, let's get started!
Dee Ann / I am so happy to be with my fellow RAPP members to talk about the support we can
give to their caregivers. Children of incarcerated parents are among the most at-risk
grouping of children in that they carry the greatest number of risk factors among the
at-risk population. And their protective factors primarily include the support and
engagement of their caregivers, and their communities, but the latter is not always
the case. Children of Incarcerated Parents are also quite complex in their issues,
and varied due to the enormous differences in the way policies of correction, judiciary,
child welfare, schools, you name it, respond to these children. Caregivers often
receive the child into their care with an abruptness, not always, but an arrest is not
usually anticipated by most. The children who witness the arrest are usually quite
traumatized and their reactions are most commonly fearful and anxious about their
parent's whereabouts and well-being.
Nikki_Byrd / This is Nikki from KARE. These things are true. We had our children do a comic book
talking openly about their feelings and experience.
Cara_Kenien / There seem to be so many complex circumstances and situations that Children of
Incarcerated Parents and their caregivers face.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / How great is that, Nikki, especially since the report distributed by Dee Ann says it’s
important for children to talk about their feelings.
Cara_Kenien / And I am sure a comic book was a wonderful tool for facilitating the tough
conversations around feelings.
Madelyn_Gordon / I assume there may be curriculums available?? Are there any that work with caregivers
and youth independently and then bring them together?? The comic book mentioned –
did you have a version of one to begin with?
Nikki_Byrd / No we didn't have a version we made it up from scratch. We also used the children's
drawings as illustrations in out "Behind Bars.”
Cara_Kenien / Wow, both the book and drawings sound incredibly creative.
Nikki_Byrd / Thank you, we are proud of both.
Dee Ann / If you look at the handout you will see the FAQs of the children, collected around the
country. These give you an insight into the degree of anxiety and alarm the children
are feeling at arrest. We have a clear research base now to say that children who
witness the arrest of any family member suffer from subclinical to clinical Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder. Caregivers will need to pay attention to their child's
reactivity, regressive behavior, and high anxiety. The complexity makes the care of the
children a real challenge. There are many tools and ways to help open the door to
more expressiveness for the children. Critically, the kids need to hear directly from
the caregiver that they may talk and express their feelings which may vary from anger,
to true grief and mourning, to withdrawal and to blaming the caregiver. The
non-judgmental response of the caregiver is very important.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Dee Ann, should RAPPs help caregiver families with the help of mental health
professionals? I’m thinking collaborations with the mental health community can be
very important. Nikki, were there any mental health services offered to your group?
Seems like a good idea, if there are no in-house mental health services, to collaborate
with a community mental health program to address the needs of both caregivers
and children with an incarcerated parent.
Nikki_Byrd / We are using art therapy with our children and some of the children are enrolled in
community mental health systems.
elittle / What commonalities, if any, did you find between these children and those suffering
bereavement as in a Building Bridges type format?
Dee Ann / The relationship issues, bound with issues of trust and worthiness, continue with the
Children of Incarcerated Parents throughout the parental loss. It is a different loss than
losing your parent to death or illness. No one comes by to comfort you, and their
isolation is often self-imposed and profound. Caregivers must be watchful for signs
of depression. Maintaining relationships with their parent, where appropriate, is
important for the children’s sake.
Cara_Kenien / I really like the metaphor you used in the handout - Feelings are like visitors to your
house. They don't move in if you greet them, know they are there, but sometimes if
you do not greet them, they set up housekeeping and are hard to budge from the
house. Do you have others that you have found helpful? It seems that this type of
guidance would be really helpful and soothing for children.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / I did see the report refer to maintaining "healthy" relationships through visitation,
writing and phone calls. How does a caregiver ensure that the relationship is "healthy?"
Dee Ann / I appreciate that statement. Because this population has gone for so long without
training of social workers, therapists and other mental health folks, I do think caregivers
play a mightier role in the realm of helping the children express their variant feelings.
Many therapists, unfamiliar with this population of children, may well advise to keep the
parents out of their lives. This is not an across the board healthy response, especially
if the parent is coming home to the child. Children worry their parent doesn't love
them, or they are to blame--so much is happening in their thinking and feeling world.
There are many books to help the Children of Incarcerated Parents feel less isolated.
We need our caregivers to be reading these books, my favorite being Visiting Day,
beautiful, but others as well.
elittle / When a visit is unhealthy but the incarcerated parent applies guilt, is it wise to make
the child see the parent? This is common in divorce situations.
Nikki_Byrd / It depends on what the relationship was with the parent before prison. Was the child
a victim of the crime, and other factors like these. Caregivers should always set rules
before the visit is set up. Sometimes parents can be self centered, and don't think
about the best interest of the children.
Dee Ann / The determination of what is healthy has much to do with the child's interest, alarm
and expression of wanting to be in touch. We all know there are some parents with
whom it would be unhealthy for the child to visit or see, but in my 20+ years of
experience, that is mostly those parents who have harmed the children. Caregivers
need to monitor the visits, the phone calls, and the letters, but to disallow, without
good cause, can create more harm.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / I know that some prisons and jails offer programs where families can visit by video
conferencing and there are a lot of jails, at least, that allow inmates to tape record
books for their children. Seems like Facilitators can find out if these services are
available where they live and provide that information as a resource for the families
of incarcerated parents.
elittle / A chart, scale, guide or standard would be good for caregiver's who are new to this.
Dee Ann / No child should be required to visit their parent if they do not wish, but beware of
pushing them into divided loyalties where they feel they must tell their caregivers
they do not want to go for fear of the caregiver's anger.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Are professional mental health services recommended to address these questions
Dee Ann? Is there a best practice for it?
Cara_Kenien / Also, as a caregiver, how does one know exactly how much information to share with
the child or children?
Nikki_Byrd / You answer their questions age appropriately. All children understand time out. Their
parent broke a rule and their parent has a time out.
Cara_Kenien / Nikki, thank you. That's such a great way to frame things.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Nikki, it would be interesting to see your comic book, if you can share it, and any
other materials you use with these special families.
elittle / I would think that while it is better for a child not to 'hear about it on the streets,'
information, particularly violent or sexual content, should be presented carefully,
if at all by the caregiver.
Dee Ann / My hope is that caregivers will work with the incarcerated parent to form an
agreement, even if there is mistrust on each side, about what would be in the
best interest of the child. And every child is different. We do co-parenting agreements,
whereby the parent and caregiver work out what seems healthy for contact. Best
practices for mental health workers aren’t abundant yet, due to the lack of training
about the children of incarcerated parents in grad schools, so caregivers should talk
with mental health folks, listening for the more judgmental attitude that may push the
child away from therapy. These children love their parents, knowing they have done
wrong. Children of Incarcerated Parents often feel that they are responsible, that they
could have done something--that means the communications need to be honest and
clear-the child has no role in what happened, it is not a sign about what their own future
holds, it does not mean they will be following in such footsteps, and people can do
bad things without being bad people. For young children, that is what we recommend,
to say your mom/dad is in grownup timeout.
Nikki_Byrd / Our comic book is available online. Go to Arizona Family Members Behind Bars and you
can get a link
(
elittle / Thank you, Nikki.
Dee Ann / I do want to mention the roles of shame and stigma in the
lives of these children. We define shame as the awful feeling that you should not
"be” and that has serious implications. Dealing with shame and stigma, they aren’t
necessarily evoked from outside, but come from within the child. The remedy for
shame is the truth--as we mentioned.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / What practical tips do you have, Dee Ann, for RAPPs working or thinking about
working with these families? Many may already be doing so and not know it.
It seems the children, especially, need special attention.
Dee Ann / Many states have books for their families and children including Montana and PA.
The best way to find them is go to This website has a directory of
programs and some of their products.
Nikki_Byrd / We have a support group for the parents, the teens and the children. They are run
simultaneously. The families begin having dinner together. Yep, Montana's products
are great.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / One of our RAPPs in Illinois works with two prisons nearby to bring the children to the
prison to see the parents. The prison staff is very sensitive to the needs of the children
and provides them with a game room and lunch and a good overall experience.
Another works with prisons during inmate orientation to let the inmates know that RAPP
is available in the community to provide supportive services to the caregivers and
children. The RAPP in Illinois has a RAPP support group for the caregivers, in the
prison, while the children visit with their parents.
Cara_Kenien / It's so great to know that these services are really taking shape. The support groups
sound really effective...especially having them run at the same time.
elittle / Great idea!
Dee Ann / Yes, these children do need a special approach. Primarily, they need non-judgmental
caregivers and professionals who truly listen and are trustworthy. Consistency is of
utmost importance. We ask our caregivers to create routines, including rituals, that
help soothe the child. Many of the children we serve have letters and objects of their
parents that help them sleep or feel connected, much like the well-known transitional
objects. We do lots of work with caregivers, babies and parents, using smell and
voice. These things, as with the recordings of the books, can be done for the
newborns to help keep familiarity.
Nikki_Byrd / We have found that visiting the parent helps calm children, as they see their parent
is all right. Of course this depends on the child’s emotional state.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / It struck me, reading the report you sent us, Dee Ann, that recommendations
included links to services for the families through things like kinship navigator
programs, public service announcements and newspaper articles about available
services, respite, support groups and counseling, things that RAPPs already provide.
Dee Ann / Indeed, these are such valuable programs and tools. Public awareness is what got
us this far, as ten years ago the research was very limited, and practice and policies
were almost non-existent. Now we have bountiful research surfacing and we are
learning that our interventions need to be as varied as are the children. Many of our
Children of Incarcerated Parents truly need intensive mental health
services, as their cumulative trauma histories are quite severe. Depression and
anxiety at sub clinical levels can be addressed with art therapy. A group in SF
does music therapy. Healing circles of peers who are coping with their parent's
loss to prison are proving quite valuable. The community needs to have a stake
in these children and many states have developed a set of policy initiatives that have
resulted in policy improvements, coordination of services, and lessened the trauma.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / One of the things mentioned in the report is that it is sometimes expensive to visit the
prisons so alternatives like letter writing, video conferencing and phone calls are
good ways of maintaining the connection with the parent/child.
Nikki_Byrd / When visitation isn't possible, these things are better than nothing. Our program has,
as an integral part, a visitation component. We transport the families to the prison in
a van.
Cara_Kenien / Plus, Melinda, it's so valuable to be able to support various ways to engage with
the parent - that seems crucial in terms of keeping/supporting the connection between
the child and parent.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Nikki, do you have a special arrangement with the prison as well like the Illinois RAPP?
Nikki_Byrd / I have developed a good relationship with our Department Of Corrections and they
assist me when they can.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Yes, lessening the trauma was repeated in the report. It was good to see different
organizations come together to do better to lessen the trauma for children.
Dee Ann / The link to the reentry policy that I sent demonstrates the federal effort to propose
policy improvements, including policies affecting the caregivers of the Children of
Incarcerated Parents. Caregivers need economic support, housing support--as we
hear about at the RAPP conference, i.e., legacy housing. Many states have
pursued guardianship subsidies, not the ones in fostering connections with child
welfare, but a specific reimbursement for the caregiver.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Dee Ann, the report mentioned another great reason for intergenerational housing –
not only do kids do better with families instead of in foster care, but many older
caregivers live in senior housing, where children are not allowed.
elittle / Including letter writing could be soothing as it would give a similar communication
bond like the one that children of deployed parents face. Also, most children are
accustomed to journaling as a requirement in school.
Melinda_Perez_Porter / Elizabeth, that's a good point about letter writing and, since the report says that a
connection with the child also helps the parent's reentry and recidivism rates, letter
writing can be done safely right Dee Ann?
Dee Ann / I have seen letter-writing become a beautiful tool, especially for the parents writing
to the children, as it is a lasting way to share your unconditional love. We must teach
the parents some of the letter writing elements that work, such as not trying to
discipline from prison in a letter-and caregivers do not need to ask the parents to do
this as they have no authority over the children while inside. It is the chance to
communicate pure loving to the child-making no promises. Parents inside often make
these big deal promises when they have no way to ensure that they are kept. Most of
the time the parents do not know when they are coming home.