MYTHS ABOUT BATTERING
There are many myths about bettering that cause us to react in ways that discourage friends, co-workers, and family members from confiding in us. The following are some of them. Many of these myths stem from our desire to believe we will be safer if we can identify the characteristics of battered women and of batterers. The reality is that battering can happen to anyone.
Myth 1: She must be doing something to provoke him.
A victim of battering is never to be blamed for another person’s choice to use violence against her. Problems exist in any relationships, but the use of violence to resolve them is never acceptable.
Myth 2: If it’s so bad, why doesn’t she leave?
For most of us, a decision to end a relationship is not easy. A battered woman’s emotional ties to her partner may be strong because she hopes that the violence will end. She may be financially dependent and will likely face economic hardship if she leaves. Many friends, co-workers, and family members will offer to help her leave, but they do not offer financial resources to sustain her while she carves out a new life. The most common reason why she doesnot leave is because her partner had used violence to stop her in the past. Most women who are murdered by their partners are murdered after deciding to leave or after leaving. It is the most dangerous time for a battered woman.
Myth 3: He/She must be sick to do such a thing.
Battering is a learned behavior, not a mental illness. A batterer’s experiences as a child and the messages he/she gets from society, tell him/her that violence is an easy way to get power and control over his/her partner’s behavior. People who batter choose this behavior. Viewing them as “sick” erroneously implies they are out of control and excuses them from taking responsibility for the choice they have made to use violence.
Myth 4: I think he/she has a drinking problem. He/She only does this when he/she is drinking.
Alcohol or drug use may intensify violent behavior, but they do not cause battering. People who batter typically make excuses for their violence by claiming a loss of control due to alcohol or drug use or because of extreme stress. Battering does not happen because of a loss of control. It is a behavior used to exert control.
Myth 5: How can she still care for someone who abuses her?
Many people who batter are not always abusive. He/She may actually show remorse for his/her violence and promise he/she will never do it again. Your friend, co-worker, or family member understandably hopes for such changes. Their relationship probably involves good times as well as bad times.
Myth 6: If she wanted my help, she would ask for it.
You may believe that if your friend, co-worker, or family member wants your help, she will ask for it. That may not be so. She may not feel comfortable or safe confiding in you because she does not know if you will understand her situation. Talk to her about battering in a general way. Tell her that you are concerned about women who are abused and that you do not blame them for the violence.
FACTS ABOUT BATTERING
Twenty-six women and four children were murdered in Minnesota in 2005 as the result of domestic violence or child abuse.
Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women 2005 Femicide Report
In fiscal year 2005, 36,550 women and children were served by community advocacy programs for battered women.
Office of Justice Programs, Minnesota Department of Public Safety
Over 80 percent of victims of domestic violence in Minnesota did not report the incidents to law enforcement.
2002 Minnesota Crime Survey
12,376 Orders for Protection were filed in Minnesota in 2004.
MinnesotaState Court Administrator's Office
Domestic violence victims account for over 25 percent of all violent crime victims [in Minnesota].
Minnesota Planning
On average [in the United States], more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 1999, 1, 642 murders were attributed to intimates; 74 percent of the murder victims (1,218 total) were women.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report, Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim
During the six months following an episode of domestic violence, 32% of battered women are victimized again.
Bureau of Justice Statistics: Preventing Domestic Violence Against Women
Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.
The Commonwealth Fund
Fathers who batter mothers are two times as likely to seek sole custody of their children. 40 to 60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children.
Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence in the Family
Each year, an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence by family members against their mothers or female caretakers.
Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence in the Family
90 - 95% of domestic violence victims are women.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Intimates
Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Jeanne E. Hathaway, MD, MPH, “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality,” Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, No. 5, 2001
Women of all races are about equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate.
Bureau of Justice Statistics, Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey