Mother Goose News© 1 By: Juliet Weigand
MOTHER GOOSE NEWS
CAST
Mother Goose – MGN Executive Producer
Bo Peep
Cinderella – MGN’s ‘Live with Cindy’
Peter Piper
Jack Be Nimble
Boy (who cried Wolf)
Wolf (Big Bad)
Make-up
Agent
Announcer – MGN studios
Jim McCloud – MGN anchor
Cathy Lee Sunshine – MGN anchor
Boy Blue – MGN anchor ‘On location’
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
Mother Hubbard
Mr. Bakers Man
Wee Willie Winkie
Old Woman (who lives in a shoe)
Jack Sprat
Mary Quite Contrary
Mrs. Hood (Red’s mother)
Farmer’s Wife
Cow (who jumped over the moon)
Old King Cole (merry old sole)
Fiddler’s Three (3 fiddlers)
Judges (set scenes)
MOTHER GOOSE: Bo Peep? Bo Peep, Where are you?
BO PEEP: (Peeking through curtain): Here I am.
MOTHER GOOSE: Don’t forget your staff.
BO PEEP: Yes Mother Goose. (exits)
MOTHER GOOSE: Cinderella? Where is Cinderella?
CINDERELLA: I’m sorry, Mother Goose I can’t find my glass slipper?
MOTHER GOOSE: Again! Ohh…check with Lucy Locket’s
friend Kitty Fisher… she can help you find it. And don’t dally you’re hosting ‘Live with Cindy’ at 10 o’clock.
CINDRELLA: Yes Mother Goose! (exits)
MOTHER GOOSE: Peter Piper?
PETER PIPER: One peck of pickled peppers!
MOTHER GOOSE: Peter, how many peppers are you going to pick?
PETER PIPER: Just a peck.
MOTHER GOOSE: Well get picking… I need those peppers pronto.
(Peter exits) Where’s Jack?
JACK NIMBLE: (Jogging in) I’m Jack.
MOTHER GOOSE: Great. I need you and your wife to check in with
makeup. We’ve got to get you two ready for the cook-off spot.
JACK NIMBLE: Cook-off?
MOTHER GOOSE: Yes… Mr. & Mrs. Jack Sprat … are judging the
‘Great Mother Goose Cook-off.’
JACK: Wait a minute. You have the wrong Jack. I’m Jack be Nimble.
MOTHER GOOSE: Oh my! What are you doing here… you
should be warming up for the ‘Mother Goose Olympics.’ Aren’t you entered in the high jump event!
JACK: Yes!
MOTHER GOOSE: Well run QUICK… and don’t forget your
candlestick!
JACK: I won’t. (exits)
MOTHER GOOSE: (calling off stage) BOY!
BOY: Yes mam!
MOTHER GOOSE: Are you the boy who cried Wolf?
BOY: Yes mam, that’s me.
MOTHER GOOSE: Well, Call Wolf over here for me will you.
BOY: (YELLS!) WOLF… WOLF!
WOLF: Hey there – Big, Bad, Wolf at your service.
MOTHER GOOSE: Hold it Wolf… Your make-up is terrible!
WOLF: It is?
MOTHER GOOSE: Yes! The shadows are all wrong you look
much too happy.
WOLF: Happy? I don’t feel happy.
MOTHER GOOSE: I think we can fix it. (YELLS) MAKE-UP!
MAKE-UP: Make-up coming! (Runs in holding oversized
powder puff and flaps it in Wolf’s face and runs out.)
MOTHER GOOSE: That’s better. Now, tell me who’s your
agent – we don’t seem to have it on file.
WOLF: My agent? What do you mean?
MOTHER GOOSE: You know, the person who negotiates
your salary, benefits, vacation…
WOLF: I don’t have an agent and I’ve never been on vacation.
AGENT: No vacation? Well, kid, what you need is an agent –
that’s me! I’ll handle you for 40% of the gross, plus expenses. We’ll start with demanding one thousand per show. Then we’ll do commercials – let me see you teeth. (Looks in Wolf’s mouth) Why in no time at all, I’ll have you right where you belong – Hollywood!
WOLF: Wow me a star!
AGENT: Let me see your profile. Hmm… A little make-up
would help. Make-up!
MAKE-UP: Make-up coming! (Enters, slaps Wolf with puff.
Wolf coughs. Make-up exits)
AGENT: Good! Now remember, stay away from girls in red
riding hoods, and don’t call me, I’ll call you. (exits.)
WOLF: How about that. Soon the pigs won’t have the Big Bad
Wolf to kick around anymore.
MOTHER GOOSE: O.K., enough! Come on Wolf, you aren’t
a star yet. Let’s get going.
WOLF: All right, all right.
MOTHER GOOSE: Places, everyone, places! (Everyone
scurries to their places… make-up puts last touches on
announcer) In 4…. 3…. 2…1. You’re on the air!
ANNOUNCER: Live, from New Pork City! Yes ladies and
Gentlemen, Ham Box Office presents… another exciting edition of MGN, Mother Goose News. Take it away Jim.
JIM: Hello sports fans! This is your TV Action Sports Reporter,
Jim McCloud
CATHY LEE: I’m Cathy Lee Sunshine –
BOY BLUE: And I’m Boy Blue -
JIM: Coming to you live from Fairy Tale Land!
CATHY LEE: We’re here today to bring you action coverage of the
Mother Goose Olympics, via the MGN Satellite!
(Sound of cheering offstage)
JIM: Just listen to that crowd roar! Yes, it’s going to be an exciting
day here! In just a few minutes, the games will begin, but first let’s check back with the station.
ANNOUNCER: Do you feel slighted, unappreciated, overworked? Want
to make a big splash on the social scene? Well here’s our super
reporter Cinderella to show you how dreams really can come true.
CINDY: Hello and welcome to another edition of ‘Live with Cindy.’ I’m
here today with my first guest Snow White…
So, tell me Snow what seems to be troubling you?
SNOW: Cindy, I really need your advice! It’s the dwarves again.
You know I really love the little guys, but lately they’ve been coming over every night and staying till after midnight. My prince and I need some quality time together.
CINDY: I understand. Let’s get those dwarves back to the diamond
mine. Put those boys back to work where they belong and they’ll be so tired they won’t have the energy to hang out at your place.
SNOW: Thanks. I owe you one.
CINDY: My next guest is having some martial problems. Sleeping
Beauty, so nice of you to join us today. Tell me Ms. Beauty… how I can help.
BEAUTY: Well, as you know, my honey hacked his way
through a thorn forest to get to my castle, but now I can’t
even get him to mow the lawn. I’m a working mom, and
he needs to do his share!
CINDY: Leave it to me. How long has it been since you two
held a ball?
BEAUTY: Oh, ages! It’s so much work.
CINDY: Tell you what. You set a date, but you tell your prince
to handle all the details. Bet you anything he’ll get the
palace in ship shape before the first guest arrives.
BEAUTY: Thanks Cindy! You’re the best!
CINDY: Our last guest is Old Mother Hubbard.
HUBBARD: Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
CINDY: My goodness, Old Mother Hubbard, what can the
matter be?
HUBBARD: Oh Cindy, I’m entered in the Mother Goose Cook
Off… I went home to get started on my famous black
bird pie, but when I got there (sniffs), the cupboard was
bare. (Sobs loudly)
CINDY: Not to worry… Mother Hubbard. Send Georgie
Porgie to market. To market… boy can he run, then all
your shopping will surely be done. (Hubbard nods and
exits) Well that’s all we have time for today folks… until
next time… may you all live happily ever after.
BOY BLUE: Thank you Cindy. Boy Blue here, reporting to you
live from fairy tale land with a late breaking story… it
seems that there is some rather distressing news from
England… My fair ladies… and gentlemen, it seems that
London bridge is falling down. That’s right folks
London bridge is falling down. Wow… I just hope no
one is hurt. We’ll check back in a moment, but now…
a word from our sponsor.
WOLF: Wolf here for Wolfie’s Pork Pit… best pork in town.
Come on down and get yourself a barbecued piggy on a bun, and we’ve got a special this week on Grandma’s cookies… so come on down and buy you some…cuz I’ll huff.. and I’ll puff… and I really will… blow you away with my tasty pork pit pastries.
BOY BLUE: Welcome back… and let’s take you LIVE to the
Opening ceremonies of the Mother Goose Olympics.
CATHY LEE: Here we are back in Fairy tale land, where today
all your favorite Mother Goose characters will be competing for the coveted Mother Goose Gold Medals!
JIM: And here comes our royal dignitary Old King Cole, for the
opening ceremonies.
CATHY LEE: Old King Cole! What a merry old soul.
JIM: A merry old soul is he, Cathy.
(King sits and Jim announces each event as it happens)
He called for his pipe… He called for his bowl…
CATHY LEE: And he called for his fiddlers three!
(Fiddlers pantomime playing fiddles)
JIM: The fiddlers are playing the national anthem.
CATHY LEE: What an exciting moment!
JIM: Yes! And the Mother Goose Olympics are about to begin!
But first let’s check back with another hot topic. Back to you Blue.
BOY BLUE: Thanks Jim. This week marks the 100th anniversary of the
annual “Great Mother Goose Cook-off.” And this year the first prize winner will receive a Rub-a-Dub-Dub cruise. Best of luck to all our participants. Here’s one of them now. Hot Cross Bunns Bakery owner… the Bakers Man. Mr. Man can you tell us what you do to make your cakes so good.
BAKERS MAN: Well… my recipe is a secret, but I will tell you, I
pat it… I prick it… and then I put it in the oven at 300 degrees for about 45 minutes.
BOY BLUE: Sounds delicious. Well best of luck to you Baker. And
I think it’s finally time for our first Olympic event… the 5,000 meter dash. Let’s check back with Cathy for an update… Cathy.
CATHY LEE: Thanks Blue. I’m here with famous Mother Goose
Land long-distance runner, Wee Willie Winkie.
WILLIE: Hi there, everyone!
JIM: Two years ago Willie set an Olympic record when he ran
through the town, upstairs, downstairs, in his nightgown.
CATHY LEE: But in our last Olympics, Jim, Willie’s record
was beaten by Tom the piper’s son.
JIM: (reciting) Tom, Tom, the piper’s son
Stole a pig and away he run.
CATHY LEE: Yes, Tom was quick, but Willie’s been training
all year for this event, and he has a good chance of
beating Tom’s record. I see he’s wearing his lucky night
shirt.
WILLIE: Yes, and for your information this is a regulation
nightshirt, approved by the Mother Goose Olympics
board.
CATHY LEE: His sneakers meet Mother Goose requirements
too Jim.
JIM: They certainly do. Those sneakers were made especially
for Willie by his mother, the little old woman who lived in a shoe. At one time she had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
CATHY LEE: She finally got a job as a shoemaker. She now
owns her own company and has recently brought out a
entire line of athletic footwear.
(Judge enters holding a starting gun)
OLD WOMAN: (proudly) That’s my boy!
JIM: Cathy Lee, here comes the judge.(Willie gets on his mark.)
CATHY LEE: Willie’s on the mark! (Judge fires gun)
JIM: And there he goes! (Willie runs offstage through the
audience and out of the auditorium)
CATHY LEE: He’ll be gone for a while, Jim, so let’s move on
to our next event: the high jump. (Jack Be Nimble enters with candles.)
JIM: Here comes Jack Be Nimble! Good to see you Jack. Tell
our audience about your event.
(Holds microphone up to Jack.)
JACK: I’d be happy to Jim. (To audience) I’m a candle-jumper,
and today I’ll be trying to top all candle jumping records.
CATHY LEE: According to our computer, the record is 17.999
inches.
JACK: That’s right Cathy Lee. That record is currently held by
my little dog.
Leg over leg,
As the dog went to Dover;
When he came to a stile,
Hop! He went over.
JIM: Let’s hope you HOP right over today, Jack!
I see you have a few candles with you.
JACK: Right, Jim. This one is 18 inches. Here we have a 24-incher.
And this third is a full three feet long!
(Judge enters, takes candles.)
JIM: O.K., sports fans, you’ve heard it straight from the champ,
Jack Be Nimble. Now it’s time for the event you’ve all been waiting for!
CATHY LEE: All I can say is…
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack… jump over the candle stick!
JACK: Thanks, Cathy Lee. I’ll try the biggest one first.
(Judge sets up candle.)
JIM: Good luck, Jack! (Jack gets on his mark.)
CATHY LEE: There he goes! (Jack runs towards the candle.) He’s
running, running, running! (Jack tries to jump the candle, but
knocks it over.)
JIM: Too bad. He didn’t make it at three feet.
JACK (Breathlessly): I’ll try the 24-incher. (Judge sets up candle.)
CATHY LEE: Jack is going to try the 24-inch candle now. And it’s a
veritable giant! (Jack runs towards candle.)
JIM: And there he goes! (Jack jumps over candle.) He’s up – and over!
CATHY LEE: He made it!
JIM: It’s a new candle-jumping world’s record!
(Jack waves his arms to his fans and exits with judge.)
CATHY LEE: Simply amazing! Now let’s check back with Boy
Blue at the station -- Blue.
BOY BLUE: Thanks Cathy. And we’re back at the ‘Great
Mother Goose Cook Off.’ with our guest judge Jack
Sprat. Tell us Mr. Sprat how would you compare this
years entries from years past?
JACK SPRAT: Well it’s hard to say, every year is such a treat,
but we have some real winners in the bunch.
BOY BLUE: Oh boy, Yes! Let’s take a look at some of our
contestants. Here we have Mr. Baker Man’s beautiful cakes, Mr. Wolf has brought his barbecued pork ribs, and here is Miss. Mary Quite Contrary and her mulberry bush jam.
MARY: Straight from the garden!
BOY BLUE: Now, Mary…Mary Quite Contrary, tell us…
how does your garden grow?
MARY: Wouldn’t you like to know! Sorry Blue, that’s top
secret!
BOY BLUE: Of course. We also have mother Hood’s famous
cookies, Peter’s pickled pepper preserves, and the Farmer’s wife has brought a delicious pot of three blind mice stew. Looks like you’re going to have a tough time finding one winner in this bunch!
JACK SPRAT: Don’t I know it… but I’m just glad to see that
everyone’s spirits are high after the scandal last year, when that Knave had to be taken away.
BOY BLUE: Goodness me yes!
The Queen of heart’s stolen tarts…
JACK SPRAT: That was a sad summer day! (Boy runs in with
a paper that says ‘Late breaking announcement’)
BOY BLUE: Oh my… I’ve just gotten word that we have a last
minute entry in the cook-off… it seems that Mother Hubbard has brought in a dainty dish of….
Black Bird Pie! The King’s favorite…
JACK SPRAT: Wow, this should really stir things up!
Well I’d better be off then!
BOY BLUE: But stay tuned as we hear a word from our
sponsor.
OLD WOMAN: Old woman here with my famous athletic
footwear, we’re having a super close out sale!
We’ve got so many sneakers we don’t know what to do… so come on down a buy a few… dozen! Just do it!
BOY BLUE: Welcome back… now let’s check in with the
‘Mother Goose Olympics’ … Jim.
JIM: This certainly is an exciting day Blue!
Don’t you agree, Cathy Lee?
CATHY LEE: I certainly do! The suspense here is unbelievable!
JIM: Looks like the judges are checking some of the equipment.
CATHY LEE: Right, Jim. The Mother Goose Olympics
Commission has tightened its safety codes,
after what happened to Humpty Dumpty.
JIM: In case you don’t remember sports fans –
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
CATHY LEE: (shaking head) That was terrible Jim.
Humpty was such a good egg!
JIM: (seriously) I know it really cracks me up.
CATHY LEE: Next Jim we’re going to meet our first animal contestant. (Cow enters.) Another entry in the high jump event.
JIM: It’s the famous Cow who jumped over the moon!
CATHY LEE: What’s the Cow going to try today Jim?
JIM: Let’s ask. (They walk over to Cow.) Cow, can you tell our
audience what you plan to jump over today?
COW : (Proudly) Moo moo moo-oo! Moo moo moo-oo!
CATHY LEE (Astonished!): You don’t say!
COW (Firmly): Moo moo moo!
JIM: I don’t believe it, Cathy Lee. (To audience.) Sport’s fans, Cow is
going to jump over the planet Jupiter!
CATHY LEE: Jumping Jupiter! That’s never been done before.
COW (Proudly): Moo-oo!