Moon S Day, January 9: Revising Your Essay

Tyr’s Day, September 3: Revising GHSWT Practice Essays

EQ: By what processes can essay grades be raised?

·  Welcome! Gather Syllabus, Revision Plan, pen/pencil, paper, wits!

·  GHSWT Practice #1 General Observations

o  Overall Grades

o  Use of Quotations

o  Topic Problems

o  Thesis Problems

o  Grammar Problems

·  GHSWT Practice #1 Returned, Remediated

o  Fill out Revision Plan

o  Do Circled Work

o  Revise Essay

ELACC12W2: Write informative/explanatory texts to examine and convey complex ideas

ELACC12W3: Write narratives

ELACC12W4: Produce clear and coherent writing

ELACC12W5: Develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising, editing, rewriting

ELACC12W6: Use technology to produce, publish, and update writing

ELACC12W10: Write routinely

ELACC12L1: Demonstrate standard English grammar and usage in speaking and writing.

ELACC12L2: Use standard English capitalization, punctuation, spelling in writing.

ELACC12L3: Demonstrate understanding of how language functions in different contexts,.

ELACC12L4: Determine or clarify the meaning of unknown words and phrases

ELACC12L5: Demonstrate understanding of figurative language, word relationships, nuances

ELACC12L6: Acquire and use general academic and domain-specific words and phrases

Today you will:

o Evaluate my evaluation;

o Plan a remediation;

o Do assigned exercises/writing;

o Start revising!

Your job today is to begin to fix your essay.

You have nothing else to do,

and you have to do that to get credit –

credit for the day’s work, and

credit beyond what your essay grade is now.

So rewrite entirely.

Don’t just correct errors;

make your essay better.

Pay particular attention to content and cogency.

Tonight I will enter GHSWT and Daily grades.

If you do the exercises I ask,

I enter a 5 point Daily Grade,

and the GHSWT grade you currently have,

and I will grade your rewritten essay thoroughly after you submit it.

If you do not do the work, I enter a 0 for Daily Grade.

No electronics. No excuses. Get better.

Revising Your Essay

Essays submitted complete and on time are eligible for revision – and I expect you to revise.

Writing is a process involving writing, rewriting, editing, rewriting, then submitting to an editor or audience for feedback, then writing again, and finally deciding not to write any more. This is what “real” writers (pros and collegians) do. One never “finishes” a paper – one abandons it.

Check your email at the account you used to send me your original. If I have emailed back, open attachment in Word on a “real” computer, the click “Download Original Document”. You will see comments in the margins of your essay, and a marked Evaluation Rubric at the end of the essay. If you have followed these steps and see no comments, let me know.

·  NOTE: your essay will NOT have a number grade calculated on the Rubric because you still must go through the process outlined below.

Next, use the Evaluation Rubric to complete a Revision Plan. Each section of the Rubric scores an essay for a particular component, and details what was done well and not well. The Revision Plan exactly corresponds to the Rubric. Fill in each component’s score at the left; to the right, make notes about how what I marked. At the bottom of the Rubric are “Penalty Points for Convention Errors” – numbers in blanks by abbreviations (explained on pages 20-21 of Syllabus). Use this to complete the “Conventions” section of the Revision Plan.

Next, complete Convention Error Worksheets. You must do this for each error committed more than twice; you may do this for all errors. Completing Worksheets will teach you how to correct (and, in the future, detect and avoid) errors, and will earn half credit for those errors.

Next, turn in BOTH Revision Plan AND Convention Error Worksheets. Doing this makes the essay eligible for revision (earning a brand new grade); also, these are worth a daily grade.

Next, revise your essay. Make improvements to Cogency and Content according to the suggestions I have made in the margins, and fix Format and Convention errors.

Next, email your revised essay just as you did original. This needs to be a clean document without my margin comments or new errors. There is no fixed “due date” for Revisions; take your time and do it completely, and send when you are done. Your Revision will be graded, and a new grade entered, within a week of my receiving it. Do not need to send original or Rubric.

If you choose not to revise, you will receive the grade I give you based on the marked Rubric, and must not complain. Again, I will not have figured this grade for you; by now you should be able to add up the Component scores, add Bonus points, and subtract Penalty points.

“Life has no easy answers, but sometimes we must publish anyway,” wrote John Leo, summing up your situation nicely. Writing can be challenging and frustrating, even to professionals, but I can help you so long as you are trying. The most important thing is to submit the work seriously and on time; this will allow you to revise, and to pass all assignments, no matter your challenges.

Revision Plan: GHSWT Practice Essay #1

Use scores and comments on your graded essay and rubric to plan your revision.

Name ______Essay’s Grade ______

Major Convention Errors: Symbols, Symptoms, Fixes

Some convention errors are minor, but those listed here confuse or distract a reader, and hurt an essay’s effectiveness and grade. As you ready for revision, look for these in your marked paper.

1.  NS indicate Nonstandard English – slang, direct address (“you”), abbreviations, “hisself,” “he don’t,” chattiness – all this and more is discussed on page 13 of this Syllabus.

2.  SP means Spelling Error, especially names of books, characters, places. LOOK IT UP!

3.  WW indicates a Wording problem or a Wrong Word – you’ve phrased something awkwardly, or you’ve used “their” for “there” or “too” for “to,” or something like that.

4.  CAP indicates a Capitalization Error. By now you should know this stuff – proofread!

5.  TP indicates an error in Title Punctuation.

·  Underline or italicize stand-alone works (books, films, magazines, CDs); don’t do both.

·  Titles of shorter works (songs, poems, essays, stories, articles) go “in quotation marks.”

·  Exceptions: many sacred works (The Bible, The Koran) take no such punctuation.

6.  TS indicates Tense Shift. Use past tense to discuss a historical event. Use present tense to describe action within a work of literature. Be consistent, or your reader gets dizzy.

·  BAD: Beowulf is composed 1400 years ago, then a monk wrote it down. As the story unfolded, Beowulf kills monsters and saved his people, then died and is buried.

·  GOOD: Beowulf was composed 1400 years ago, then a monk wrote it down. As the story unfolds, Beowulf kills monsters and saves his people, then dies and is buried.

7.  FR indicates a Fragment, a pseudo-“sentence” that cannot stand alone; it lacks a subject or verb, or is subordinated somehow. Fix by adding words, or combining with other sentences.

·  BAD: Aaron despises Belinda. Because she bench presses more than he does.

·  GOOD: Aaron despises Belinda because she is bench presses more than he does.

8.  RO indicates a Runon, two or more sentences improperly joined or incompletely separated. Just inserting a comma makes a Comma Splice! Use conjuction or semicolon, or a period.

·  BAD: Jaron beat the computer at chess the computer won at tennis. (Runon)

·  BAD: Jaron beat the computer at chess, the computer won at tennis. (Comma Splice)

·  GOOD: Jaron beat the computer at chess, but the computer won at tennis. (conjunction)

·  GOOD: Jaron beat the computer at chess; the computer won at tennis. (semicolon)

·  GOOD: Jaron beat the computer at chess. The computer won at tennis. (separation)

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Major Convention Errors (continued)

9.  REF indicates a problem with Pronoun Reference. If one must reread your paper to figure out what “he” or “it” or another pronoun means, your writing is confusing; be clear.

·  BAD: With Claudius and Hamlet, he kills him as he sleeps. (Who sleeps? Who dies?)

·  GOOD: Claudius kills the sleeping Hamlet as soon as they are alone.

10.  PA indicates Pronoun-Antecedent Disagreement. Some constructions SEEM plural but are not. Constructions like “a person,” “each student,” variations on “one” and “body” (anyone/anybody, everyone/everybody, no one/nobody, someone/somebody) are singular, and need singular pronouns, just as plurals need plurals. Mixing these up creates the error.

·  BAD: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on how they should live. (mixup) NOTE – you KNEW “everyone” was singular because you used singular verb“is”!

·  GOOD: Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion on how s/he should live. (all singular)

·  GOOD: Individuals are entitled to their own opinions about how to live. (all plural)

You can use Ctrl+F to detect this error: type in those plural pronouns (they, them, their, themselves) and then check to be sure that they refer only to plural antecedents like “people.”

11.  SV indicates Subject-Verb Disagreement. Again, singular nouns need singular verbs; plurals need plurals. Problems arise with inverted or interrupted constructions like these:

·  BAD: There is many reasons people fail. Beowulf, like other folks, fail sometimes.

·  GOOD: There are many reasons people fail. Beowulf, like other folks, fails sometimes.

12.  PUN indicates Punctuation error. Most common are comma or apostrophe errors.

·  Use commas if reading reveals a pause or shift of emphasis, often after an adverbial phrase or clause: “In other words, he is grumpy.” Learn to listen for this.

·  Apostrophes go in contractions and possessives.

o  EXCEPTION: “It’s wise to keep a gun in its holster.”

·  Apostrophes are placed AFTER “s” in plural possessives, but are NOT used to indicate plurals themselves: “The girls’ locker room is for girls only.”

Again, this is not about grammatical fussiness. Certain minor errors – split infinitives, for instance – may be marked on your paper, and will call for correction; but they will not be penalized in your grade. But the errors listed here can cause confusion for a reader, and so hurt your essay, and so hurt your grade. Learn to avoid them!

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Convention Error Worksheet

Standard Academic English: The “Impersonal You”

“You” is a fine word for personal writing, intimate writing, fiction, poetry; but in academic writing the word “you” should be avoided. Using “you” assumes an intimacy a reader that can get in the way of your analytical and persuasive mission. It is like an unwanted hug. Don’t use it in any form: “your,” “you’ve,” or the “understood” you.

EXAMPLE: Instead of writing, “A book lets you understand something new,” try:

·  A book makes its reader learn something new.

·  A book makes people learn something new.

·  A book teaches new things.

There are 15 nonstandard usages of “you” below, including one “understood” you. Correct and/or rewrite as you see fit.

You have to be careful when you do research on your computer. Some of the webpages you find are unreliable; you don’t know whether you are reading the work of an expert or of somebody you would never want to trust. Also, you have to be aware that much of what you read is opinion, not fact. When you do find a good internet source, make sure you write down the URL next to the information you have found. If you follow these rules, you should stay out of internet trouble.

Convention Error Worksheet: Apostrophes

The following ALWAYS need apostrophes:

·  Contractions – doesn’t, don’t, can’t

·  Possessives – Billy’s coat, my father’s house, The Lord’s Prayer

o  Special case: the possessive form of “its” has no apostrophe

The following NEVER need apostrophes:

·  Plurals – two boys (not two boy’s)

·  Singular present tense verbs – The winner gets (not get’s) to the Super Bowl.

There are 20 apostrophe errors below. Some words have apostrophes that should not; some have no apostrophe but should. Correct as you see fit.

Billys mother get’s very upset when his friend’s come over and make a big mess. So whenever they do that, she take’s her husbands old trucks tailgate and put’s it front of the closet where all the snack’s are. Its funny to watch the boy’s try to lift it’s fifty pound’s of solid steel weight without making embarrassing sound’s. My mothers method’s of solving problem’s are not so subtle. She like’s to get two belt’s and hit my heads soft spot’s with them. This always make’s me sad.

Convention Error Worksheet: Fragments

A sentence must contain a subject and a predicate, and must stand alone as an idea. A group of words doing less is a fragment. Usually a fragment happens when a writer uses a phrase or clause as if it were a sentence:

Matthew always falls to weeping. At weddings, funerals and graduations. (phrase fragment)

Aaron despises Belinda. Because she bench presses more than he does. (clause fragment)

You may decide simply to make the fragment a complete sentence:

Matthew always falls to weeping. He does this at weddings, funerals and graduations.

Aaron despises Belinda. This is because she is bench presses more than he does.

Usually, though, it is best to attach the fragment to the sentence where it logically belongs:

Matthew always falls to weeping at weddings, funerals and graduations.

Aaron despises Belinda because she is bench presses more than he does.