Misfortune smiles on the unwary (an extract from The Origins of Grateness – An Autobiografy of Chester Brathewaite) by Pierre Castille
Adults can be unreasonable and ignore the fate of the young and impressionabull. Standing by the bus stop, full of frustration of the foolishness and uncaring nature of man, I was about to console myself with another M & M when all the sweets rolled down the gutter into a drane after the bag slipped from by grasp in a cruel twist of fate.
I mite as well admit it now, for the truth will always out as Sherklock Homes wood say. I had fallen for the old trick of being prayed upon by greedy merchants wot sold sweets to young boys in exchange for their bus fares. I could impress someone by quoting Oscar Wild but I suppose the literary illusion would be wasted. My emotions got the better of me and I cried the tears of the despair and hopelessness of my situashun.
“There, there young Chester” said a familiar voice. It was our next door naybor, “I shall take you home to your mummy.” Luckily, no one was there to hear Sarah use the word mummy. Does she not kno that I am now at secondary school? I have suffered enuff humiliation but there was more to come. I have never been in a police car befor. Did I tell you that Sarah woz a police officer? I knew it was a mistake to ask about the flashing lights and dah-dah’s just as it stopped outside my house. Orl the neighbours came out to watch me being led by the hand into the arms of my astonished mother. “What has he done now?” Mothers frequently demonstrate that they are in control of their precious children by holding them by one ear as they listen to wot their neighbour hav to say. Then, there is firther humiliation as she take hankerchief, spit on it, and clean chocolate from my face. “Chester, you have brought shame into the familly,” said mother crossly (you can tell I kno about adverbs), “And you are a wimp!” “I ain’t a wimp!” “Chester, your grammer is terribul, it should be I isn’t a wimp.”
There is no point in arguing, sometimes mothers are irrational. She then fed me my lunch with that stern look of silence that mum’s employ to cover the fact that they are disappointed and at a loss for words.
That Sunday afternoon orl was quiet in the Braithwaite house. Mum was reading the newspaper and tutting while her precious child woz getting to grips with algebra. The question says if 3x is 21 what is x? – well, previously x was 5, and before that x was 8. It seems to me that mathematishuns need to make up their minds. X seems to vary from one questions to the previus one.
Grown-ups seem to take delite in making things complicated and difficult. Do they do this to show off? Why do they make it difficult for their children? Mum said that algebra was good for you and it would help me get a worthwhile career when I was older. I asked her if she used algebra in her hair dressing salon. She said she used scissors, various sprays and good taste to make girls and women look their best.
(there will be more of Chester Braithwaite on the Creative Writing part of the U3A website)