Kat Lewin
Micro-level distinctions: diction, sentence length, phrasing, repetition, syntax, integration of sources
Macro-level distinctions: structure, evidence, rhetorical appeals, exposition (analytical writing), dramatization,
Trends of distinction:
Ommited characters and summarized history
More colloquial diction and phrases
Sets scene visually
Introduced more argumentative quotations
Introduced quotes with really generic distinctions(“famous historian”?!)
Ends on stronger phrases – pares down analysis of his argument.
Everything more tightly tied into his motif (‘blockbuster’s, and that core question)
Much longer impacting of his argument at end of audio essay
“I got clonked in the head” … “From the back of the class I observed” – sets stage
“trick of turning ring around on her finger”
omitted Rodrigo de Tirana
”by then I was thirty and lived in New York City” – as opposed to more detailed Columbia University and Butler Library. Again, setting the scene in the content of his own life.
“think about it…” little throw-ins give it a distinctly audio flavor
“Why aren’t we named for the European who first landed here” – the line was originally given to his third-grade self, but in the audio essay he asks it more contemporarily. Expands “Why aren’t we the United States of Columbia?” to “death to Columbia, god bless Columbia, this Columbian life”.
“it had nothing to do with exploration and everything to do with showmanship” – introducing theme earlier
“get the old amerigo out of your head” – “the blonde on the clamshell was his cousin” – summarizes biography before getting to it basically as written. Everything wrapped up a little faster, made a little more colloquial.
Killed off Lorenzo di Pier Francesco de Medici and made him just “another old rich guy” – reduces confusion and makes the historical side of this more palatable
Adds quote by “a famous historian”
Another quote “resolved to abandon trade” before almost verbatim “he contrived to…”
“But that’s not true. It was what accompanied them” instead of “But this was an era overwhelmed with cartography, and what was to distinguish Amerigo's maps was what accompanied them.”
“If your children can understand the prim syntax of the Victorian era”
Listy: “The most obvious evidence of the journalists' sloppy hand is in the reckless disregard for the facts. One transatlantic route, as written, would have sailed Amerigo across the belly of South America into the Pacific Ocean, somewhere near the Galapagos Islands. Another route would have plowed directly through the continental United States to Puget Sound, Washington.’ moved to after sexed-up bit, and used to sex up the violent adventures
“Now imagine you are your average Venetian … and you read something like this”
“then yield (and yield, baby) to descriptions of ruttish nymphs who want nothing more than a shameless romp with a European.” to “…with nothing but eyes for a big strong caballero” – made more graphic and less, um, literary.
Repeats “which for the interest of modesty, I will not repeat. See how nicely that works?” Establishes a connection between him an Amerigo; forces him to recall the salesmanship by echoing it in his own work.
Added quotes from Columbus’ letters to differentiate from Vespucci’s
“As Amerigo's letters moved swiftly across Europe, one copy found its way into the possession of a fevered, poetic soul named Matthias Ringmann, who lived in a small French academic community. When Ringmann got a copy of the Amerigo letter to Soderini, the academy was beginning work on a grand edition of the most respected geography text of the day, Ptolemy's Cosmographia.” – redone in essay to “found its way into the hands of a small academic community in France.” – omits Ringmann completely.
“America was no longer a name but a place fixed firmly in the minds of Europeans.” America was no longer a name but a place.
“In the intervening 500 years, history has tried to make Amerigo into either an esteemed explorer who made lasting contributions to cartography or a fraud who deliberately twisted the truth to snatch Columbus's fame.” dumbed down to “some try to twist his resume … others just scream” and added quote calling him “a liar”
Much, much longer analytical segment – including fewer pop culture examples, and added “skywriting, ballyhoo, and PR”; “Amerigo's fame was not earned but thrust upon him by techniques as old as typeface” deleted – portrays Amerigo as a man willing to sell the audience what they want. Makes him a bit of a manipulator.
“Naming of America wasn’t a mistake” – ties everything into the initial question, which is stressed more in the beginning of the written essay than the audio.
He initially had a different kind of throw-away repetition – “good-bye Columbus” “Mr. Amerigo”. It’s now axed.
“Amerigo Vespucci warrants neither scorn nor praise. He died penniless, as did his friend Columbus. Amerigo won a fame as broad as can be had on this earth, and one appropriate to a world that was made new more by the printing press than by the discovery of distant lands. Guttenberg initiated an era marked by the swift collison of ideas, as good an epithet for America as there is.” Similarly killed. He ends the Amerigo segment “Amerigo Vespucci died penniless.” – gets rid of connection to Columbus, possibly to clean up and de-confuse … also got rid of Guttenberg. Kept focus solely on Amerigo.