Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1950’s[RG1]. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering[RG2]. This is depicted in the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Stockett describes the lives of African Americans and the women’s roles[RG3] during the 1950’s and 1960’s. There were many racist acts toward [RG4]African Americans especially towards Minny and Aibileen two black women working as maids in the novel[RG5]. The story takes place in Jackson Mississippi where a young white woman named Skeeter lived for most her life. Skeeter fought for Civil Rights secretly. She helped the maids by trying to publish a book about their lives as maids and how they are treated. [RG6]This book is a great illustration of how African Americans lived back in the 1960’s.[RG7]

During the 1950's and 1960's African Americans never seem [RG8]to be equal with the white society due to [RG9]the color of their skin, and their different personalities[RG10]. Blacks have [RG11]been discriminated against for generations and separated from whites by law. Segregation has oppressed blacks for years[RG12]. For example there are[RG13] different public bathrooms for colored [RG14]and for whites. There were water fountains for black and only colored schools[RG15]. There were laws prohibiting black [RG16]from haves [RG17]certain rights which lead to civil rights movement’s [RG18]that lead to violence and chaos. African Americans are threatened by groups if they don't[RG19] follow the law or rules. In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American.[RG20]

Okay, these comments are really quick and for the most part address only the superficial issues. As they currently stand, these sentences do not express university-level work. They are poorly constructed and riddled with simple errors, even down to errors of proofing. The more serious structural issues point to writing that was never properly evaluated and corrected at the high school level. You will need to learn to write clear, well-constructed sentences, and to combine simple sentences to arrive at more complex, nuanced structures. I see no subordinate structures here. Everything comes at me staccato: rat-a-tat-tat. Short bursts of unconnected thought.

Naturally, with sentences like these, thought is not advanced. The result is paragraphs of simplistic ideas. What you want to work toward is giving the reader something to think about, some insights into the book and in this case also the time it was set in. You should assume a reader who has read the book and who knows something about the 60s, but who has not thought about the book and its times as deeply as you have. You are now going to convey your own unique perspective to that reader, providing her with a new understanding of some aspect of the book and its material.

Achieving all this takes time. If you care enough to put in the time, you will get the results. It will not happen in one paper, it will not even happen in one class.

[RG1]What does this mean? This is a nonsensical sentence. Focus on what you are trying to say, and put it into a simple sentence, something that you would actually say to someone.

You can build from there, but first you need to be clear.

[RG2]Do you know the meaning of this word? How can discrimination “flutter”? Find the word you mean, and use it.

[RG3]This compound tells me that she (1) describes the lives of African-Americans and that she (2) describes the lives of the women’s roles.

This sentence is poorly structured, and it comes to us after three sentences that are equally unimpressive. Before working on vocabulary, you really need to sort out your sentence structure.

[RG4]This is circumloquacious – indirect and flabby. Tighten it up and speak direct. Is this the way you speak to your friends? Would you actually say this?

[RG5]Now you have slid from generalized historical statements into fictional material from the novel – Minny and Aibileen were not especially targeted in the 60s, because Minny and Aibileen do not exist. Even within the realm of the novel, they were not especially singled out for torment, were they? Basically being black was a problem for every black person then. We are simply brought more closely into the lives of these two characters in the novel than we are into the lives of the other black characters.

[RG6]Are these the relevant plot points for your thesis? This sounds like a very simple summary of the book itself.

[RG7]Pure personal opinion, which has no place in the sort of essay this is intended to be.

[RG8]An astounding understatement, given that blacks were harassed, beaten, tortured, and sometimes killed for being black. Yes, I would say that they certainly never seemed to be equal.

[RG9]Strike this abomination from your writing forever. It encourages emotionally vapid sentences.

[RG10]What? African-Americans were not equal because of their different personalities? Whatever do you mean by this?

[RG11]You are now bringing us up into the present, is this what you intend to do? I thought you were talking about the 60s.

[RG12]Repetitive. You're spinning your wheels here. Are you just sitting down and “writing forward”? Or are you thinking, and then revising, reading what you’ve got, thinking about it, and then revising some more? That is what you ought to be doing, but what you've got so far does not read like it.

[RG13]We are once again in the present day with this verb.

[RG14]You have slipped this term in without explanation.

[RG15]Here’s another false compound: you are telling me that there were water fountains for blacks and that there were water fountains for only colored schools.

[RG16]Blacks.

[RG17]having.

You are not even proofreading this material, which tells me (in addition to all the other clues) that you are not working with it.

Writing is not like breathing. You cannot just plunk a bunch of words down on the paper and expect it all to make sense. You have to craft those words, you have to work with them.

Just as you cannot build a house by simply tossing the relevant materials all the wood into a pile, or by beginning simply to nail things together, you cannot build a paper by simply writing down your thoughts as they come along and never circling back to read, think, and revise. Writing is a process. You will never develop a solid structure without working at it.

[RG18]Please tell me I am not seeing this apostrophe.

[RG19]We’re here in the present again.

[RG20]And here’s this thesis statement that tells me what everybody already knows.