Ellora Karmarkar
Molly and David
The White Stripes
Macro changes: large structural changes from script to script
Entire sources changed or venue, or scene, or new person or person cut out…
New information that appears or disappears:
Micro level: changes at the sentence level. Shortening, lengthening of sentences. Change of syntax, imagery, separation of ideas, etc. language level changes.
What makes the final draft better than the first two drafts?
For audio, final draft is the best.
Audio: Describes how the White Stripes dress, and how it plays a role in the drama of the music. Rob-editor at rolling stone, adds some credibility to this argument, that I ordinarily wouldn’t buy. Staying in charge—makes sense…White Stripes still look like the white stripes in a field.
Reluctant spokesperson—nice phrase.
Music gets you involved in the piece very quickly.
Free wheeling style—improv style is whats so appealing.
Tradition of bob Dylan, made up his past. Grand rock tradition, make up own roots as part of music strategy.
The only reason they came on the show was because they used to listen to npr when they were young. “want to say hi to mom”—
Convey a very child like attitude, just like their music is argued to
Difference between 1st , 3rd drafts:
Change from very much band spokesperson to reluctant spokesperson. She also cuts the first quote a little bit. Adds a quote about control (white stripes in a field) in 3rd draft. She switches from saying they’re childlike to describing how exactly they are childlike. 3rd switches to MTV awards as beginning lines, introduces them as ex-husband and wife team, which distracts from the whole childlike image she’s trying to give them. IN the 1st draft, more music coming in. More time taken up by that. Problem with 3rd draft is piece is still mostly her commentary.
3rd to final: changes intro to focus more on white stripes, through wording. Adds a new sound clip. Has introduction from award show. Most well known song.
Jumps straight in to jack talking with only a short introduction. Instead of huge commentary, jumps right into the story, the primary sources. Moves location of genre discussion to the middle, talks about how the band started first. Alters control quote to shorten it to “jack says this is how he stays in control” followed by quote.
Focuses more on childlike nature. Less commentator involvement. Source: fans speaking.
New source: rob Sheffield.
1st: general background and analysis of music
final: takes it completely out, focuses more on showing rather than telling. Talks about coming and sitting down to play the drums. Brings audience into the scene rather than telling them about it.
Sets scene a lot more. Goes to the two concerts: what it looks like. Much shorter lines and paragraphs, shorter quotes. Quotes are more to the point. Look is more stressed than background in final draft. Sections had better transitions. Last draft: popularity, shows, fan base, etcetera. More interesting.
Offers a concise theory for why they advertise as brother and sister, but are ex husband and wife.
Relates it to music in the past. Uses an opinion other than her own to explain, an expert opinion.
Why the last script is better for listening:
- Shows more than tells. More description, rather than ‘hitting over the head’ analysis.
- Integrates more people into script that are the analyzing voices, instead of her own-- not only adds more credibility, keeps listener more interested because there are different voices.
- Quotes shorter, to the point. Boils into concise, ‘intention’-driven quotes, more precise.
- Lets the main points of focus speak more for themselves, lets others do the commentary.
- Brings audience into show, makes it easier to visualize. For example, description of the fans packing the Bowery Ballroom in New York, and then interviews live with the fans.
- Adds an appeal for the mainstream audience-connects to MTV Movie Awards, which everyone in the audience, or most should have heard of.
- Subtly characterizes the White Stripes with dropping of words like ‘reluctant spokesperson’.
- Transitions tighter: for example, from quote about ‘childlike drum playing’ to ‘childlike sensibility.’
- Lets the audience analyze for themselves, only putting in subtle implications of her opinion, through suggestion, and through opinions of others included in the interview.
- Took out general analysis, description of the music. Used choice music clips that made the audience want to continue listening, and also introduced them to the flavor of the music.
- Also appeals more to the general audience by, instead of analyzing like a rabid fan would, allows audience to get a taste of the White Stripes. Important for those who have never heard of the White Stripes before. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t even listen to this piece. Connects it to general rock and roll, Bob Dylan, etcetera, things the public can be expected to be familiar with.
- Simple, bullet point sentences. More colloquial language.