Name: ______
Please type your sentence revisions directly into the document or very neatly handwrite your answers.
Lesson One: Who is doing the action? (Active versus Passive Voice)
In sentences, you typically have a character (subject) who is performing some kind of action (verb).
Example: This paragraph demonstrates the use of good style.
When you turn a verb into an adjective or a noun, it’s called a nominalization, and it’s bad!
Example: In this paragraph is a demonstration of the use of good style.
Here “Demonstrates” (verb) has been turned into “Demonstration” (noun).
(Adapted from Style by Joseph Williams)
NOMINALIZATIONS = turning verbs and adjectives into nouns = BAD!
Revise the following sentences, turning the nominalizations back into simple verbs.
There has been speculation by educators as to the positive role of a good family environment in the improvement of educational achievement.
Complaints by editorial writers about voter apathy generally don’t offer suggestions about dispelling it.
Many colleges have come to an understanding that continued tuition increases are no longer possible because of strong resistance from parents to the soaring costs of higher education.
Lesson Two: Writing Concisely
Say what you mean. Use only the words that you need.
1. Delete words that mean little or nothing
2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words
3. Replace a phrase with a single word
4. Change negatives to affirmatives
Example:
Critics cannot avoid employing complex and abstract technical terms if they are to successfully analyze literary texts and discuss them in a meaningful way.
Critics must employ complex and abstract terms in order to meaningfully analyze literary texts.
Rewrite these sentences, pruning the redundancy:
In regard to the desirable employment in teaching jobs, prospects for those engaged in graduate-school-level studies are at best not certain.
Notwithstanding the fact that all legal restrictions on the use of firearms are the subject of heated debate and argument, it is necessary that the general public not stop carrying on discussions pro and con in regard to them.
Most likely, a majority of all patients who appear at the public medical clinical facility do not expect special medical attention or treatment, because their particular health problems and concerns are often not major and for the most part can usually be adequately treated without much time, effort, and attention.
Save these sentences from bad style!
The point I wish to make is the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.
It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations.
After reviewing the results of our previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.
After taking numerous classes in physics, we believe that the method of scientific investigation is nothing but the expression of the necessary mode of the working of the human mind.
There is ample reason to believe that the extent of Reagan’s control over his staff was of a limited range in the last couple of years of his presidency.