THE BITS…
Kanye West has cut a plea deal in his battery case and has agreed to attend anger management therapy sessions. The bad news is Kanye’s anger management counselor will be Chris Brown.
Chris Brown was reportedly kicked out of anger management rehab after having a sexual encounter with a woman at the facility. It sounds like Brown was getting quality treatment. Who could be angry when they’re having sex?
Kathie Lee Gifford is introducing her own line of wines. Kathie Lee loves things that are well aged. Just ask her husband, Frank Gifford.
Donald Trump has announced that he won’t be running for governor of New York, saying he has much bigger plans. Donald’s much bigger plans are to announce that he won’t be running for president.
The new season of Dancing with the Stars began last night. Next week they’ll have the first Dancing with the Stars elimination of the season, not counting the former co-host, the former bandleader and the orchestra.
Rapper and actress Queen Latifah is 44 today. Queen Latifah plans a quiet celebration with the rest of her royal family.
The Pillsbury Dough Boy is 53 years old today. Apparently the Pillsbury Dough Boy has been very successful because they say he’s made a lot of bread.
The Pillsbury Dough Boy is 53 years old today. However, it’s probably not going to be much of a birthday for the Pillsbury Dough Boy because his girlfriend has come down with a yeast infection.
SON OF THE BITS…
Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay was arrested on DUI charges and sources say he’s had serious drug problems for years. That probably explains why Irsay allowed John Elway to leave.
They now say that the odds of getting a perfect NCAA tournament bracket are about 1-in-9.2 quintillion. They say those are about the same odds as you getting any work done during the tournament.
They now say that the odds of getting a perfect NCAA tournament bracket are about 1-in-9.2 quintillion. Coincidentally those are the same odds of you seeing a Kardashian shopping at Kmart.
Someone on eBay is selling the domain name MH370.com named for the missing Malaysian airliner. The problem with the MH370.com website is that every time you go there you get a 404 not found error.
There was an earthquake in Southern California yesterday morning. It triggered the swaying of buildings, the shaking of the ground, and the jiggling of Kim Kardashian’s butt.
There was an earthquake in Southern California yesterday morning. The quake was so powerful that it knocked Miley Cyrus’ tongue back in her mouth.
Scientists searching outer space have finally captured a signal from the beginning of time. It was an episode of 60 Minutes.
Scientists searching outer space have captured gravitational waves that support the Big Bang Theory. Scientists say they next plan to search for evidence of How I Met Your Mother.
TODAY’S BITMAN AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we havereality fun with Dancing with the Stars and The Voice, plus a late night roundup with Dave, Conan, Craig, the Jimmys and Seth.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
Fashion designer L'WREN SCOTT, the girlfriend of MICK JAGGER, was found dead of an apparent suicide yesterday in her Manhattan apartment. Scott was found hanging by a scarf and a spokesperson for Jagger says he was "completely shocked and devastated" by the death.Jagger’s rep also denied a New York Post report that said he’d recently broken up with her. While reports say that those close to her had no indication there were any problems, Radar Online says that Scott was over $7 million in debt and “embarrassed” over her clothing empire crashing. A number of famous people wore her designs, but they didn’t sell well with the public. Scott canceled her London Fashion week show in January and word is that she was too ashamed to ask Mick for help.
CHRIS BROWN will be cooling his heels in jail until April 23rd after his lawyer failed to convince a judge to spring him yesterday. The judge said Chris had an "inability to stay out of trouble" and was especially concerned that he stated in rehab, "I am good at using guns and knives." Brown’s criminal assault trial in Washington DC is coming up on April 17th and if he’s convicted he could be out of circulation a lot longer. Worst case scenario is that Brown could be behind bars for four years. We also now know why Brown was booted from rehab. It turns out he violated three rules, the biggest of which was staying at least two feet away from every woman there. In fact, they say he had some sort of sexual encounter with a woman at the facility. Brown also violated the rule requiring him to submit to a random drug test and he also dissed rehab during a group therapy session.
KANYE WEST has cut a plea deal and won’t be prosecuted for battery on a photographer. Under terms of the deal there was no admission of guilt, but Kanye will have to attend a couple dozen anger management therapy sessions, do 250 hours of community service and he was also placed on 24 months informal probation, meaning he’ll have to stay out of trouble for a couple of years.
Kanye also has to pay for the photographers damaged gear and medical bills.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
The tattoo artists on the Spike TV reality show "INK MASTER" are being sued by a former female production assistant. Nicoletta Robinson claims she was fired after she complained about their behavior. She says that stars CHRIS NUNEZ and OLIVER PECK made sexually suggestive remarks to her, tickled her against her will, squeezed her and pinched her and pulled her seatbelt tight against her breasts while she was driving.
Rumor has it that BEYONCÉ is telling pals she doesn’t want to attend KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST’S wedding. They say Beyoncé thinks it’s extremely tacky that the wedding is being filmed for Kim’s reality show and that she doesn’t want to be on camera. However, Beyoncé is resigned to attending the event because her husband JAY Z is best friends with Kanye.
Today Show anchor SAVANNAH GUTHRIE had some news of her own yesterday. Guthrie revealed that she and Michael Feldman got married on Saturday near her hometown of Tucson, in the middle of the desert, in a hush-hush wedding. Guthrie also announced that she’s four months pregnant adding, "I feel great, and actually I'm so happy to tell the world because I can't suck in this gut anymore."
JOSH HOLLOWAY has revealed that he and his wife, Yessica Kumala, welcomed their second child, Hunter Lee Holloway, earlier this year. The couple managed to keep their secret for the past six weeks. They also have a 4-year-old daughter named Java.
JASON ALDEAN is dating the "American Idol" contestant who broke up his marriage! BRITTANY KERR is her name and she was photographed backstage at Aldean's concert on Friday night. When the tabloids caught Aldean making out with Britney at a bar back in September 2012 he said it was a one-time deal and a drunken mistake. Word is they’ve been dating since he filed for divorce last May.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
AMANDA SEYFRIED tells the April issue of 'W' magazine that she thinks "Sex scenes are great!" Amanda says, "A lot of my co-stars have been sexy guys my age who are really respectful and cool. So, why not? I'm not going to pretend it's not fun." Amanda also said that one of her memorable sex scenes was the girl-on-girl action with Megan Fox in the movie Jennifer's Body. Amanda says, "We kissed really well together! We have similar kissing styles! If I watch that scene, it's actually really sexy."
SHAILENE WOODLEY is offering some beauty tips that you may or may not want to try at home. Woodley says, "Clay is one of the best things you can put in your body. I've discovered that clay is great for you because your body doesn't absorb it, and it apparently provides a negative charge, so it bonds to negative isotopes. And, this is crazy: it also helps clean heavy metals out of your body." She added, "Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D.If you're feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine."
Did Pope Francis snubRUSSELL CROWE? Crowe has repeatedly reached out to Pope Francis via Twitter asking that he screen his upcoming movie Noah, which is based on the Bible story. Paramount Pictures and Crowe also reached out to the Vatican to propose a meeting during his appearance in St. Peter's Square. However, the Vatican supposedly told them that Crowe could disrupt and complicate the event because he’s such a well-known star, so the hoped-for meeting was dropped.
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
New Movies on DVD:
American Hustle - A con man is forced to work with the FBI to infiltrate the mob. Stars Christian Bale and Bradley Cooper
Frozen - Kristen Bell and Idina Menzel (or is it Adele Dazeem?) take an epic journey through a frozen land.
The Jungle Book 2 - The sequel to the Disney classic featuring the voices of Haley Joel Osment and John Goodman
Saving Mr. Banks - Walt Disney makes a movie about Mary Poppins. Starring Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson
New TV on DVD:
Atlantis: Season One
Carnivale: The Complete First Season
Devious Maids: The Complete First Season
FBI: The Complete Seventh Season
Flashpoint: The Complete Series
Monsters: The Complete Series
MUSIC NOTES…
New Music in Stores Today…
Jessi Colter - “Live From Cain’s Ballroom” (recorded Sept. 19, 2013)
Foster the People - “Supermodel”
Engelbert Humperdinck - “Engelbert Calling” (two-disc duets album, featuring collaborations with Elton John, Cliff Richard, Lulu, Il Divo, Willie Nelson, Gene Simmons, Smokey Robinson, etc.)
Enrique Iglesias - “Sex and Love”
Jo Dee Messina - “Me”
George Michael - “Symphonica”
Ronnie Milsap - “Summer Number Seventeen”
Kylie Minogue - “Kiss Me Once"
John Oates - “Good Road to Follow”
The Pretty Reckless - “Going to Hell”
Skrillex - “Recess”
Taking Back Sunday - “Happiness Is"
Reissues (CDs / vinyl)
Belinda Carlisle - “The Collection [CD/DVD]“ (contains a new song, “Goodbye Just Go”)
Elvis Presley - “Elvis Recorded Live on Stage in Memphis: Legacy Edition” (1974 album; remastered; contains all concert tracks not included on the original vinyl)
MUSIC NOTES 2…
R.E.M. will release Unplugged: The Complete 1991 And 2001 Sessions as part of Record Store Day on April 19th. The 4-LP set will include complete versions of both MTV concerts, including 11 unaired songs. If you don’t have a record player, it’ll be available on CD and at digital outlets on May 20th.
KISS is marking the 40th anniversary of their self-titled debut and Hotter Than Hell albums. On April 1st, 10 remastered Kiss albums will be released on vinyl with another 18 titles coming out this summer. Also out today is the set Kissteria: The Ultimate Vinyl Road Case. It’s a vinyl box set holding 34 Kiss albums including titles never previously issued on vinyl. It also includes 11 posters, a Kiss vinyl cleaning cloth, a Kiss turntable mat, Kiss dominos and four band lithographs.
KISS and DEF LEPPARD will team up this summer for a 42-city North American tour. The tour begins June 23rd in West Valley City, Utah. Tickets go on sale this Friday. Gene Simmons says a dollar from each ticket sold will go to the Wounded Warrior Project and other military non-profits.
The cape that was custom made for ELVIS PRESLEY’S 1973 Aloha from Hawaii via Satellite concert is up for auction. The full-length cape, adorned with an American eagle and stars and inlaid with semi-precious stones, measured nearly five feet in length and weighs 12 pounds. However, when Presley tried it on in rehearsals, he found it too heavy to be worn onstage and ordered a lighter version made. The original was sent back to Graceland and can now be yours. In 1999, the actual Aloha cape used by Elvis for the Hawaii performance sold for $105,250.
The first trailer for the JAMES BROWN biopic Get on Up has appeared online. Chadwick Bosemanstars as the Godfather of Soul, with Octavia Spencer, Viola Davis and Dan Aykroyd also appearing. The movie premieres August 1. (See here)
MUSIC NOTES 3…
GAVIN DEGRAW and MATT NATHANSON will hit the road on a co-headlining tour this summer. The tour kicks off June 13th in Tucson.
ONE DIRECTION’S HARRY STYLES has bought a $4.3 million home in Beverly Hills. A source says, "He likes being in L.A. because it's easier for him to go out and go unnoticed than it is for him in London."
The NFL may not have a problem with criminals playing in their league, but they have a problem with rappers using the middle finger during a Super Bowl halftime show. The NFL has added more than $15 million to its arbitration claim against M.I.A., now demanding that she fork over a total of $16.6 million for "restitution" for her digital salute a couple of years ago.M.I.A.'s responded by describing the NFL as bullies looking to "make an example" of her for "daring to challenge the NFL," adding "The claim for restitution lacks any basis in law, fact, or logic."
FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE has announced they’ll kick off their This Is How We Roll Summer Series 2014 Tour on May 20th in Springdale, Arizona. The tour will feature special guest Nelly and opening act Chris Lane and stop at select baseball stadiums across the country.
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: Pretty Little Liars cast; chef Wolfgang Puck; dancers Derek Hough and Julianne Hough
Today:TV host Maria Menounos; Well Strung performs
Kelly & Michael: Usher (``The Voice''); Gillian Anderson (``Crisis'')
The View: Actor Bradley Whitford; Pretty Little Liars cast
The Talk: Actress Betty White
Queen Latifah:Actor Terrence Howard; the Clark Sisters perform
Ellen:Kate Winslet; Josh Radnor (``How I Met Your Mother''); Lake Street Dive
Primetime:
Fox: Past cast members plus Gwyneth Paltrow and Kristin Chenoweth return for Glee’s 100th episode
NBC: The Voice Battles Premiere, Part 2
ABC Family: The season finale of Pretty Little Liars
ESPN: College hoops NIT Tournament, First Round doubleheader
ESPN2: College hoopsNIT Tournament, First Round doubleheader
TruTV: The NCAA First Four begin play
NBC Sports: NHL hockey Blackhawks at Flyers
Late Night:
Jimmy Kimmel: Ashley Judd; TV host Howie Mandel; Sam Smith performs
David Letterman:Matt Damon; Lenny Kravitz (R)
Jimmy Fallon: Lena Dunham; actor Hugh Dancy; Foster the People perform
Craig Ferguson:Comic Lewis Black
Seth Meyers: Actress Kathryn Hahn
Conan: Ricky Gervais; Goo Goo Dolls perform
Arsenio:LL Cool J; Jesse Williams (``Grey's Anatomy'') (R)
THE WATERCOOLER…
There was an earthquake in Southern California yesterday and it had a major effect on the morning TV anchors at KTLA Channel 5 in Los Angeles. Anchor Chris Schauble’s face at the moment it happened has gone viral and it’s being called the greatest earthquake face ever! (see here)
A third person has died from injuries when a car plowed into a crowd at the SXSW Music Festival last week. Authorities in Austin, Texas, identified the victim as 26-year-old Sandy Thuy Le and say that her family was by her side when she died at an Austin hospital. Two people died at the scene and a couple dozen others were injured, several seriously.
High school prom season is upon us, or is it? It’s reported that school dances are slowly becoming a thing of the past. While proms remain popular, homecoming dances, winter balls and the like are slowly fading away due to lack of attendance. While dancing itself remains popular with kids, students are apparently losing interest in their school dances because they’d rather be home communicating with each other via social media.