So. This is the fourth part I’m writing of the Psychiatrist Dr. Kachiko storyline. But actually it’s only the beginning! BECAUSE everything starts here! Surprised huh? ^^ Well, I stop with this prologue now and just go ahead! And in this first episode we’ll take care of everyone we find in Anime-Land XD
Kachiko: Well girls! Here we are! Isn’t it beeeauuuutiful?? (dreamy expression)
(Lilli, Kitti, Pia and Ran, carrying renovation stuff like wallpaper, paintbrush, paint and so on, look sceptically. They’re standing at the entrance of an apartment in the twelveteenth level of an old dump)
Ran: Well, it’s not the Ritz really...
Kachiko: But it has a certain rustic charme! So, on girls! Let’s get started!
(Shortly after that Lilli’s standing on a ladder painting the wall, Kitti is torturing herself with arranging the carpet, Pia’s desperately trying to put a board together and Ran has successfully wallpapered herself. Meanwhile, Kachiko is lying on a deck chair with a long drink, watching the whole scenery.)
Kachiko: Lilli, over there’s still a white spot! I want everything to be ecually delicate pink! And yaten-green in the surgery, remember! Yaten must feel comfortable after all! (drooling at the picture standing next to her) And Ran, the wallpaper was expensive, a bit more effort please!! Pia, the board is totally askant! You should have seen that already!! And Kitti, what’s up with you? That’s not the way to arrange a carpet!
Kitti: I’LL KILL –
(The other three girls are holding her back. Well, Ran tries, but she can’t get her arms out of her wallpaper-jail)
Lilli: We all could... ahem… but think, she’s the boss and paying us
Pia: Low...
Ran: (somewhere from inside the wallpaper) VERY low!!!
(the 4 girls are grinning at each other mischievously (well, we suppose Ran is also, because nobody can see it), and Kachiko suddenly stops grinning)
Kachiko: What? What???
Kitti: We’ll do it!
Kachiko: NO!!! You won’t!!!
Lilli: YES we will! (got the already installed phone)
Kachiko: NO!!!!
Pia: YES!!!!!! (is dialing)
Kachiko: NOOOOHOHOHOHO..... *cry sob*
(about one hour later, Kitti, Pia, Lilli and Ran – still covered with wallpaper – are lying on deck chairs. Kachiko is standing next to them crying and typing desperately on a calculator. 4 really good looking and well built men with naked upper bodies are doing all the work now.)
Kachiko: Oh god!! That’ll cost me a fortune!!!! *sweat*
Lilli: Well, you want it to be well done right?
Pia: Our work wasn’t good enough, remember? *grin*
Kitti: Cheers!
(the girls are clinking glasses, Ran spilling her drink on herself because of the wallpaper around her)
Ran: You could really get me outta here sometime soon!!
Pia: Did you say something Ran?? (talks into the wallpaper-pipe)
Ran: I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!!
Pia: Oh, well, later. We’re enjoying the silence.
Ran: But I wanna have fun as well!! I can’t see them!!
Kachiko: Did it really have to be the spezial deluxe version with half-naked tabledancers??
Lilli, Pia + Kitti: DEFINATELY.
Ran: Hmph…
(Lilli’s pittying Ran and cuts her a small view-window into the wallpaper)
Lilli: After all I’m not THAT mean...
Ran: So how about cutting the window where my eyes are? I see rather bad with my EARS!!!! *curses*
One of the men: Done, girls! You should be able to take care of the rest. Bye!
(With the girls sighing they leave the apartment. Kachiko hands them a cheque, crying)
Kachiko: I’ll get you to pay for this....
Pia: Alright, just go ahead! We had our fun! *grins*
Kachiko: Well, at least we’re done in time and can help our first patient today! *sigh* My VERY FIRST patient! What a moment! (it knocks) OH! You know what to do
Girls: Yes Ma’am! (running around, Kachiko opens the door)
Kachiko: Hello, may I welcome you as my very first patient Mr.... ehm… what was your name again?
(a tall young man, VERY handsome with a tight top and twice as large baggys, and funnily enough two horns on his head enters)
Nietzsche: I’m Nietzsche, Prince of hell!!!
(at this very moment, Lilli with a video camera, Kitti with a polaroid camera, Pia with a radio and loud music and Ran spreading confetti, which is mostly falling back into her wallpaper-home, are jumping into the scene)
Nietzsche: What’s that all about?!
Kachiko: You’re my first patient! If you wanna follow me!
(Kachiko guides the confused Nietzsche into the next room)
Kachiko: If there’s something to tell me, use the intercom system. It’s new!!
Ran: Yes yes!! As soon as I reach it…
(in the other room)
Kachiko: *sigh* My first patient! How exciting! How do you like the wallpaper?
Nietzsche: Well I...
Kachiko: Wonderful color isn’t it? Yaten-green! Just as I always wished! It’s a dream come true!
Nietzsche: Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be talking about me here?
Kachiko: YEAH YEAH alright! Always these people who only want to talk about themselves…
Nietzsche: ...
Kachiko: Well, what’s your problem?
Nietzsche: I can’t get back home!
Kachiko: ... Oh... right.... How may I interpret that? Did you get lost?
Nietzsche: Rubbish! I just can’t get back! The entrance is closed!
Kachiko: Did somebody lock you out?
Nietzsche: Not somebody, someTHING!!! My home!! The hell!!!
Kachiko: Hell... *sceptical look*
Nietzsche: YES!! Believe me!! I can’t get home!!! *cries*
Kachiko: You’re not a satanist by any chance? (takes a look at the horns)
Nietzsche: Satanist? Listen, honey, I AM satan!!!
Kachiko: Honey?? I don’t see any around here... *
Nietzsche: I already said, I’m Nietzsche, prince of hell!!
Kachiko: Yeah alright, but right me if I’m wrong, isn’t the ruler the „king“, and not the „prince“, so to say your father?
Nietzsche: Huh? Well, technically that might be, but –
Kachiko: No buts!! You can’t talk yourself out of it! I already discovered your problem! You’re a royal in disguise with a father-complex! Wether something happened to your father so you’re on the throne now, but totally swamped with it and looking for an emergency exit by telling yourself you’re lost or can’t go back, only to escape the responsibility, OR (Nitzesche tries to open his mouth, but closes it immediately again) – LET ME FINISH – as I was saying, OR you are simply jealous of your father and would rather like to get the dominance, but can’t and therefore ran away. See? Am I right?
Nietzsche: Well, to be accurate it’s –
Kachiko: Don’t you disagree!! It’s no good to deny it! Do you wanna lie to yourself?
Nietzsche: But I –
Kachiko: No no, telling yourself something won’t get you anywhere! You’re not king of hell and will never be, if you’re even a prince… I still think that’s a downright lie. But that’s too much for only one session, we should start with you admitting that it wasn’t right what you’ve done. Well?
Nietzsche: I.... *sweat*....
(half an hour later)
Ran: (through intercom) The next one’s there. A so called Schobenhauer... ehm... pardon me but what kind of sick people did you invite?!
Kachiko: There’s nothing about inviting, these people are in need of my help! Well, arlight, I’m done here anyway, send her in (to Nietzsche) Fine fine! That wasn’t bad for a start! Next week, same time, bye!
Nietzsche: Bye....
(Nietzsche leaves the room. He still looks a bit confused as he stands in the vesibule, when a weird looking woman is jumping past him to the doctor’s room)
Ran: (who meanwhile managed to cut in a whole into the wallpaper for her head and two for her arms) So, how was it?
Nietzsche: I’m no prince of hell and hell is not existing at all! I’m only a confused boy who doesn’t know where he lives…
Kitti: Ehm... you sure everything’s alright?
Nietzsche: I’m no prince of hell and hell is not existing at all! I’m only a confused boy who doesn’t know where he lives…
Pia: Oh oh... what has she done to him?
Kitti: We can’t let this young, handsome boy just leave like that, can we??
Lilli: So what are you planning to do then?
Kitti: Taking him home!
Nietzsche: Home....
Kitti: (wide grin) Just wait here till closing time! (grabs Nietzsche by his sleeve and puts him in the broom closet) Hihihi....
Ran: Is that legal?
Kitti: Who cares!
(back to the doctor’s room)
Kachiko: Hello Mrs Schobenhauer!
Schobenhauer: Hello!! I’m Schobenhauer, Goddess of Assholes!
Kachiko: PARDON ME????? WHERE’S THE CENSORSHIP WHEN YOU NEED IT?? Such dirty words in my freshly redecorated clinical pratice!!! I beg your pardon!! You’re contaminating the yaten-green! This can’t be true!!! And what’s about this kind of introduction with name and title anyway?? You’re as sick as that Nietzsche-guy!
Schobenhauer: But I AM Schobenhauer, Goddes of Asbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! Huh? What was that?!
Kachiko: Censorship. Finally!
Schobenhauer: But it’s not my fault that I’m the Goddes of Asbeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!! Really, that’s annoying!!!
Kachiko: And what are you doing as... ehm.. you know what?
Schobenhauer: Well, I’m fulfilling wishes! Anything that’s got something to do with Asbeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!
Kachiko: What kind of wishes would that be?!
Schobenhauer: Oh, many, for example –
Kachiko: Oh forget it! I just changed my mind, I don’t wanna hear it... So where’s your problem?
Schobenhauer: Everybody dismisses me! They’re not taking me seriously!
Kachiko: ...
Schobenhauer: But the Goddess of Asbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!! is such an important person!
Kachiko: OH yes... I’d believe that right away... (yawns and takes a look at the clock, then using the intercom) Ran, the next patient’s not already there by any chance?
Ran: By chance, he is! Are you done already?
Kachiko: By chance, I am.
Schobenhauer: But Doctor, don’t you understand –
Kachiko: I’ll send the bill! I’m not amused about being mocked! NEXT ONE!!!
Schobenhauer: But, but I am....
(Kachiko shoves Schobenhauer out of the room)
Kachiko: Kitti, Lilli? Take care of this woman finding the exit for SURE. Who’s next then?
Ran: Hikaru, the little boy here with black hair and the yellow bangs.
Kachiko: Very well, come in then little one!
(the boy jumps past Kachiko into the room who shuts the door behind them)
Schobenhauer: Please, at least you gotta believe me! I am Schobenhauer, Goddes of Asbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
Kitti: What was that?
Ran: The censorship. Kachiko got it on sale.
Lilli: Awesome! (starts cursing) SHIbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!! FUCBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!! BEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP!!!!
Pia: That’s cool!
Ran: Hey Lilli, don’t go over the top, or else it might –
(BANG)
Lilli: What was that?
Ran: You’ve overstrained the censorship... what the hell did you say???
(Lilli grins very widely)
Ran: You’re aware that Kachiko will take that from your wage?
Lilli: THE HELL???
(back to Kachiko and Hikaru)
Kachiko: So, Hikaru. You don’t have to be afraid! Tell me what’s bothering you. *smile*
Hikaru: Well I... I…
Kachiko: Just go on!
Hikaru: .... I see dead people...
Kachiko: WILL you shut up???? That’s a copyright!!! Do you know what that could cost me if you just use that sentence in this story like that?! (looks around in fear)
Hikaru: (suddenly talking to his right as if there was somebody) I told ya she wouldn’t believe me!
Kachiko: ehm, who are you talking to Hikaru?
Hikaru: Sai! He used to be a famous Go-player! Sai will you be quiet already?? I’m trying to explain something to the doc here!
Kachiko: Eeeeeerr.... sure!! This Sai, is he your imaginary friend?
Hikaru: *sigh* No, I already told ya I see dead people! Sai is dead for a long time already, but I can see him and shall play Go with his help and become very good!
Kachiko: Ehm, this Sai, does he treat you alright?
Hikaru: Of course he does! I already won a match thanks to him! Yeah Sai, calm down again! You were reaaally great!
Kachiko: ... (still looking confused at the Hikaru who’s talking to thin air) If he’s nice to you and stuff... what should I help you with then?
Hikaru: Oh I’m fine. But my mom thinks it’s not normal seeing dead people. So she made me come here.
Kachiko: Ah, your mom... Hikaru, are you really sure you’re not just imagining this Sai?
Hikaru: How could I probably imagine him?? I couldn’t even imagine such weird clothes in my wildest dreams! YEAH Sai, just a joke, don’t pout like that!
Kachiko: Hey, be honest Hikaru! Are you taking drugs? Hallucinogens maybe?
Hikaru: Halluciwhat?
Kachiko: Alright, just forget that...
(Ran slams the door open)
Ran: KACHIKO, YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!!!!
Kachiko: PLEASE RAN!! I’m in the middle of a session!!!
Ran: THAT’S not true what I read in your timer here, is it???
(the other girls rushed to the scene)
Kitti: What’s up Ran??
Ran: Here it’s written, 5.30pm, Mamoru Chiba!!!!!!!!!
Lilli, Pia, Kitti: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????
Kachiko: Yes, good heavens, he’s paying well… and we don’t need to discuss the fact that he’s in great need of psychological help, do we?? He’s sooo eaten by psychosis, he’ll be a permanent patient! What do you think I earn with him?? He’s a goldmine!! I’ll be rich!!
Ran: BUT... BUT!!! WHAT IF HE’S GOT THE PINK EVIL WITH HIM????
Kachiko: He won’t. I know how you react when you see her and I want to keep my practice here for at least a while. So I asked him to come alone. (to Pia, Kitti and Lilli) Please watch Ran nevertheless, I also know how she reacts if Mamoru is standing only 1 ½ meters away. A pen can be a lethal weapon you know!
Lilli: And who’s gonna hold US back?
Kachiko: ....
Hikaru: Ehm... ‚scuse me, is my session already over?
Kachiko: No Hikaru! Just a sec, I’ll be with you again shortly! (to the girls) Now out!!
(the girls are leaving the room)
Kachiko: So, dear child! Now aunt Kachiko is telling you something so listen carefully! This Sai is only made up from your brain! Your imaginary friend! It’s not bad at all that you hear him –
Hikaru: And see!
Kachiko: Well yes, and see! Au contraire!! Many single children spend their youth with imaginary friends! Really! When you’re a few years older he’ll be gone on himself, trust me!
Hikaru: Aw, too bad. He’s so funny!
Kachiko: Yeah alright… Now go home and calm your mother! Tell her you only imagined Sai all the time and she’ll leave you alone (to herself) and pay me a bonus for making such good and quick effort… heehee….
Hikaru: Thanks Doktor!! Maybe we’ll meet again someday!
Kachiko: Sure ... (waits till he left the room) not.... RAAAAN!! Next one please!!!
Kitti: We tied Ran up to the chair, we’ll sending Mamoru in now!
Kachiko: ...
(Mamoru enters)
Kachiko: Hello hello. (gives a drooling glance to the Yaten-Portrait) Why can’t I have YOU lying on my couch for once? Accentuation on lying? *Sigh*
Mamoru: Doktor?
Kachiko: EEHHHH yes what’s up?
Mamoru: Well… it’s about my girlfriend. Usagi.
(from the other room you can hear Ran screaming loudly)
Kachiko: Would you please close the door girls!!! Excuse my assistant, she’s a little... sensitve... uhm... allergic to rabbits....
Ran: MY CHIN!!!!
Kachiko: SHUT THE DOOR ALREADY!!!! HAHA, if you would kindly continue! *sweatdrop*
Mamoru: Well, you know who... she’s abnormally jealous and spying on me all the time. I mean, she’s even jealous of Chibiusa –
Ran (from outside) ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!
Kachiko: SHUT THAT FUCKING DOOR NOW!!!!!!!
(the door finally slams shut)
Kachiko: Continue please.
Mamoru: I can’t stand this any more! I’m exhausted!!! (starts crying like a child, Kachiko hands him a handkerchief) Thanks *sob*
Kachiko: Well, not that I know your girlfriend *cough* But I don’t think she’s very bright…
Mamoru: Pardon?
Kachiko: AHHHH I mean the way you’re describing her! *sweat*
Mamoru: Well.. `spose there are smarter girls… But to be honest, I’ve got another problem... actually 2….
Kachiko: Tell me.
Mamoru: Well.... I think I’ve got two more personalities inside myself...
Kachiko: (mumbles to herself) HA! Personality…as if! (to Mamoru) How come you think this?
Mamoru: See, sometimes I’m Tuxedo Mask all of a sudden, an astonishingly good looking man with a black tuxedo, cape and top hat!
Kachiko: You forgot to mention the ridiculous mask and the aerodynamical roses…
Mamoru: Pardon me?
Kachiko: AHHH nothing!!! Intuition!!! And the other... ehm... person?
Mamoru: The moonlight knight, an astonishingly good looking –
Kachiko: Yeah okay I already know. I can imagine the rest pretty much myself. Well I hink this will take a while. We discovered the basics now, there are serveral more sessions to be coming up. What about if we already make some appointments, let’s say the upcoming 6 months? Advance payment?