John 20:1-16Pastor Lori Broschat

Lamentations 3:22-33June 25, 2017

John 20:1-16Pastor Lori Broschat

GRACE OVER GRIEF

On the death of his wife, C.S. Lewis said, “I never knew grief felt so much like fear.” I believe we can all relate, because although grief is personal, there are some elements of grief that are universal; confusion, sorrow and fear. Mary Magdalene exhibited all these and more the day she went to the tomb of Jesus, planning to tend His body in a show of devotion. The hitch in her plan came when she approached the tomb and saw that it was open and presumablyempty.

When she looked into the tomb she saw two angels, who asked her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” “They have taken my Lord away and I don’t know where they have put Him.” Then she noticed a man whom she thought was the gardener, but was, in fact, Jesus. He asked her the same question, “Woman, why are you weeping?” Her answer was the same. She did not know where Jesus was.

She was grieving her confusion as much as her loss. She simply did not k now where He was, and she was prepared to go and get Him. It was a foolish notion; one woman able to carry the body of a deceased man by herself, but that was the grief talking. We’ve all said foolish and impossible things in a time of grief.

We might ask ourselves the same question in our times of loss, at funeral services. Why are we weeping? Are we not those who believe in resurrection, those who believe that to be away from the body is to be at home with Christ? Do we cry because we are not sure where our loved ones are?

As I said, some elements of grief are universal. When my dad died I drove his 15-year-old station wagon for three months because I couldn’t bear to see it go. No matter the culture, no matter the belief system, humans express their grief through tears. It lets the pain out, it helps us process. We can’t hold it back and we shouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean we are weak or doubtful if we cry.

In the ancient world mourning was something like a requirement or a sign of respect. It involved all those affected by the death, whether family, friends or an entire nation. As you might expect, mourning began immediately upon death and in the presence of the body. Expressions of grief continued along the way to the grave, at the burial place and for some time after burial.[1]

You can see it lived out all over the pages of Scripture; exiles mourning their downfall, women mourning their barrenness, families weeping over the dead. Abraham grieved over the imminent destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Jesus wept over the city of Jerusalem because they rejected Him, and He wept at the grave of Lazarus because of the sorrow of his sisters and friends.

You could say the prophet Jeremiah wrote the book on grief, and it’s properly named Lamentations. The book was written in a time of national crisis following the destruction of Jerusalem, God’s judgment against the sins of the people. Jeremiah spoke of the hope that remains even during sorrow and suffering. The verses before and after these speak of horrific conditions, accusing God of all types of afflictions, but this is one bright spot like a break in the clouds. Just a few verses before he had declared his hope was gone, yet he was able to regain his faith.

From this chapter comes one of our most beloved hymns, Great is Thy Faithfulness, with the line “morning by morning, new mercies I see.” That’s the right attitude to have when you are in a state of despair or gloom. One pessimist defined hope as a “pathological belief in the occurrence of the impossible.” Thankfully we have been bolstered by hope and God’s assurance again and again.

The Jewish people have a list of thirteen attributes of God, some of which are included in Jeremiah’s message; mercy, steadfast love, faithfulness, and goodness. Jeremiah observed how God deals with His people. He does not cast us off forever, He has compassion on us in our grief, and He does not willingly afflict or grieve us. That last one sounds like someone is forcing God’s hand to send us hardship, but the word willingly should be translated “with His heart,” meaning that if God causes us hardship His heart is not in it and it pains Him to do it.

A few years ago, one of my seminary professors suffered the sudden and unexpected death of his 32-year-old daughter. His very personal and candid articles chronicling his grief have brought comfort to those who have read them. I want to share some of his words with you.

“For some people, the phrase good grief, if not immediately associated with the Peanuts comic strips, seems something of an oxymoron. What can be good about grieving a departed loved one? In the firstplace, there is such a thing as bad grief, inconsolable grief, grief that consumes the griever, or grieving without hope. The Bible doesn’t commend or command that sort of grieving.

Grieving, for a Christian, is about yourself. That is to say, we are not grieving that someone is painfree in heaven with the Lord! That’s cause for celebration. We are not grieving the condition of the Christian loved one at the moment when we do the grieving! We are grieving our own sense of loss, our own sorrow over the sudden departure, our own feelings of being bereft.

What does it mean to grieve, then, as one who has hope? It means we grieve with one eye forever fixed on the horizon. It means we grieve knowing the resurrection will reverse Death. It means we grieve knowing that Death will not have the last word about us. Life will.[2]

The verse in 1 Thessalonians 4 that speaks of grieving as those who have no hope has unfortunately often been mistranslated, or at least wrongly punctuated. Some translations place a comma where Paul never intended one to be. The verse says, “Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about those Christians who have died so you will not grieve, as others who have no hope.”

The problem is not in grieving, but in grieving as those without hope, and the placement of a comma after the word grieve changes the entire meaning. Today commentators and scholars rightly understand Paul to be prohibiting hopeless grief, but allowing hopeful grief. How can we be filled with hope and grief at the same time? Christian hope is not wishful thinking.

When you read the word hope in Scripture, think of it as “confident expectation.” Why can we be confident? Because of what God has done in the past, supremely in raising Jesus from the dead. If God could turn the crucifixion of Christ into something redemptive, then He can indeed work all things together for good.

There are complications of grief, of course. Those who have suffered multiple losses through the years may suffer from compound grief if they don’t have proper time to mourn the previous death or if they don’t have access to grief counseling. This type of situation becomes a constant struggle to regain any sense of normalcy in one’s life.

Sometimes grief comes before a loss and we call it anticipatory grief. When I was leaving my very first church and heading to seminary I had a time of anticipatory grief for about four months. When my daughter was moving to England I felt the same kind of grief. It was hard to leave the airport that day.

I hesitate when people suggest that we should have a time limit on grief or that we should stop crying or get over it. Like a loving relationship, grief is intensely personal. No two people grieve the same, so don’t impose your style of mourning on others. When others are grieving we should offer support, help them process or just sit with them silently. Casseroles help too.

I think this prayer says a great deal about the reality of grief. “The truth is, I’m not ready for consolation yet; not ready to be moved on by someone else’s nervous, pitying agenda. Not ready – God forbid! – for closure. The wounds are still open. But – stay with me, Lord. I seem to sense – and need to know – that somehow it was like this for you, too; that God knewgrief.[3]

The practice of mourning in the ancient world was something people were even paid to do, but as vital as grieving is, don’t make it your profession. God is concerned about our pain, but He wants to turn our mourning into hope, and that’s what comes next. That’s the deal He offered to us when He sent Jesus, the substitution of His life for ours and our eternity with Him.

You’re probably familiar with the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. What you might not realize is that this is not something you feel one after the other. This is a process that can change and fluctuate and repeat quite often, which is completely normal.

The way I see it, grief is like a cruise ship. The first time you board you aren’t sure just what to expect. You may think you know everything that will happen, but the longer you go along you are often surprised. Sometimes you seek out the advice of those seasoned travelers aboard. You may feel like sustaining yourself with all the glorious food aboard, or you may abstain from eating much at all.

Maybe you feel like socializing with the others on board, sharing their stories and creating new memories. Perhaps you stay in your cabin alone, sleeping most of the day because the ocean makes you nauseous. When you feel like it you might go ashore when the ship docks and see something new and exciting in a foreign locale.

Then you get back on the ship after your sightseeing, but possibly you feel tired from all the exertion and unfamiliar surroundings. So, you drag yourself into bed and stay there for a long rest. As the days go by you go back and forth between hunger and loss of appetite, between wanting company and isolating yourself.

The next time the ship docks you might go ashore again, hoping to find something interesting to do because you’re tired of the magic shows and surfing lessons. And on and on it goes until you return home, glad for the familiar surroundings and a chance to get your land legs again. Eventually, though, you might find yourself on another cruise ship.

The experience of grief is very difficult, very complicated and very personal. All the well-meaning advice of friends or the prayers of your church may help, but you also have a loving God who understands grief and loss and tears. He alone can turn your mourning into dancing, and as unthinkable as dancing sounds, you must believe that you will at least be dancing on the inside.

Remember the words of Psalm 30,which might be considered the good news in the midst of grief, “Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

1

[1]Metzger, Buce M. and Coogan, Michael D., editors, The Oxford Companion to the Bible, pg.531

[2]

[3]Pray Now – Devotions for the Year 2010, pg. 36