Jason Vs. Ash
--- It is dark out and there is somebody in the woods. They slowly start to walk to a cabin.
Person
It’s going to be fun. I know it will be cold though.
Girl
I’m going to take a swim in the lake. Are you coming?
Guy
Are you going to be naked?
Girl
Shut up!
--- The two run into the lake.
--- A person comes out of the woods and walks into the lake… It’s Jason Voorhees!
Girl
The water is warmer than I thought
Guy
Duh… hey, did you hear about the killer that killed 200 people at this camp?
Girl
Yeah. Jason.
--- A vision in the water rises up out and stabs the man
Guy
AHH! Help!
--- The guy gets pulled under by a hand.
Girl
Gary?
--- Jason Rises up out of the water and stabs the girl. He throws her out if the lake. She lies there… dead.
--- Jason walks out of the water and picks up the girl.
--- Suddenly… the body comes back alive and punches Jason in the face.
--- Jason lets go of the body.
--- The body punches Jason… again and again and again.
--- Jason grabs the person.
Person
YOU SHALL DIE!
--- Jason breaks the body over his leg.
--- The body gets back up!
Person
YOU SHALL GET! GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK! YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE!
--- Jason picks up the body
--- The body Punches Jason into a tree.
Person
I’ll swallow your soul!
--- The girl punches him in the nuts. Jason Grabs the lady by the hair and raises his machete and…
Lady
Jason! Jason Voorhees! What do you think you’re doing?
--- The person is taking the shape of his mother.
Mrs. Voorhees
Jason! You should listen to me! There are some people in a cabin… it’s about 300 miles away from here… It’s in Ohio. Go! Get the people in the cabin!
--- Jason turns around and walks toward the woods.
--- A vision behind him gets him.
--- Jason turns around and the vision takes him all the way to Ohio in 20 seconds!
CUT TO
--- Ash Williams is at S-Smart. A person just left the counter.
Ash
Shop Smart… Shop S-Smart!
--- Ash leaves the counter and walks out into the parking lot. He walks to his car and drives away.
Ash
(Singing) Show me the way to go home! I’m tired and I want to go to bed. I just had a drink about an hour ago and I’m--- SH**!
--- Ash swerves the car off the road. But he isn’t on the road anymore. The woods grab his car and pull him toward the Evil Cabin.
Ash
NO! NO! Not again! AHH! I’m too old for this! AHH!
--- The trees pull him to the cabin. Ash looks around quickly to see if there are any Candarian Demons.
Ash
Oh, no! This can’t be!
--- He gets out of his car and looks at the cabin
Ash
Well… here we go again.
--- Ash slowly walks up to the cabin. The swing is banging against the cabin.
Ash
Just like the old times.
FADE OUT
--- I’m Your Boogeyman by Rob Zombie starts to play
Ben Pearce’s
Bruce Campbell--- Ash Brad Dwarf--- Freddy
Kane Hodder--- Jason Adam Sandler--- Chester
Johnny Depp--- Kyle David Quade--- Dr. Jim Yodel
Paris Hilton--- Hilary Chris Tucker--- Allen
Michael Ken worthy --- Tim Amy Smart--- Sheri
Miko Hughes--- Dan Jamie Lee Curtis--- Mrs. Green
Brittney Murphy--- Sammy Charlie Sheen--- Alex
Lindsay Lohan--- Linda Jessica Biel--- Casey
Ben Pearce--- MarkCody Shaub--- Greg
Andy Weaver--- Brent
Directed & Written By Ben Pearce
Produced By NEW LINE CINIMA
FADE OUT
--- Ash walks in the cabin and looks around. He sees the clock ticking and ticking and then… it stops!
CUT TO
--- There are people getting off a bus. They Walk to a car.
Kyle
So… Hilary, are you ready for the BIG trip?
Hilary
I hate the woods. Can’t we go to the Holiday Inn instead?
Kyle
Now… why would we do that? The woods are perfect for you. You need it.
Hilary
Daddy, I just don’t want to go.
Kyle
What’s the problem? It’s out in the woods… there isn’t any TV and better yet, there isn’t any Cell Phone Service.
Hilary
Great.
CUT TO
--- There is 4 people getting off of an air plane. They walk into the station to get there bags.
Tim
So, Sammy. What are we going to do in the woods?
Sammy
I don’t know, we could have a party.
Linda
With 4 people? I don’t think so. There needs to be at least 13 people to call it a party, Timmy-Boy.
Timmy
So. We don’t need to have a big Party. It can be a, a slumber Party.
Dan
I didn’t even want to come. I could be in class right now.
Linda
Aww, poor Dan has to be at school
Dan
Shut up, Linda!
Linda
UHH… No.
CUT TO
--- 4 people are driving in a van On the road.
Freddy
So… We’ll get the book and take it to the Museum and we’ll be rich.
Chester
Who care’s about some stupid book! The thing that shocks me and gives me second thoughts of going into the woods is… there is 8 people missing who were in those woods. And the only survivor is a crazy B@sT@rd---
Dr. Jim Yodel
Ash Williams.
Allen
How do you know?
Jim
He was at S-Smart and I visited him and asked him a few questions about the book.
Chester
What did he say?
Jim
He wasn’t sure. It was like he didn’t remember much. All he told us was that he went back in time to get it.
Freddy
And you believe it?
Jim
Maybe.
CUT TO
--- A woman and her two daughters are driving in an old car.
Mrs. Green
So, who’s ready for the cabin in the woods?
Sheri
Me. I’ve wanted to go in a cabin for a long time.
Casey
I don’t. I hate the woods.
Mrs. Green
That’s because you HAD to watch that dumb movie.
Casey
Hey, I like horror.
Sheri
You are a movie Freak.
Casey
No, No, I just think that we need to take more vacation somewhere else famouse like Vegas… not in a broken down cabin in the woods.
Mrs. Green
It was my great grand dad’s
Sheri
I bet He is old.
Mrs. Green
He’s dead. He disappeared up in a cabin.
Casey
Then why are we going to it.
Mrs. Green
Because it’s fun. And there is a book I have to pick up there.
Sheri
OOOOOOOK.
CUT TO
--- a man in an old beat up car is driving through the woods.
Alex
every time that I look in the mirror all these lines on my face getting clearer the past is gone it went by like dusk to dawn isn't that the way to---
--- A tree falls out on the road.
Alex
SH**!
--- Alex swerves and crashes into the woods.
--- His car is all banged up. He gets out of the car and looks at it
Alex
SH** GOD DAMNIT! My Car. SH**.
--- Alex continues to walk through the woods. Then his cell phone rings.
Alex
Hello? Hi ma! Hey… I’m going into the woods to find someone. I heard there is a cabin. (Pause) Why? My car broke down! A tree fell in front of it while I was driving. (pause) I know it’s new. Hey, I’ve got to go. Bye.
--- Alex continues to walk through the scary woods.
CUT TO
--- Ash is slowly walking through the cabin.
Ash
Ok. I’m here! What do you want!
--- Then a pound on the door is heard.
Ash
Now what?
--- Ash walks up to the door slowly. He is about to open the door… but he walks over to the window to see who or what it is.
CUT TO
--- outside… there is Hilary and Kyle.
Kyle
There has to be someone here. There is a car.
Hilary
Well… this’ll ruin our weekend.
--- Ash runs over to the door and opens it.
Kyle
Who are you?
Ash
I was about to ask you the same question.
Kyle
I’m Kyle and this is Hilary. We’re here to learn about a book that is here.
Hilary
Wait a minute! You’re Ash Williams aren’t you? We’re here to get the Book of the Dead.
Ash
Take it! Take it and leave. Burn it for all I care! In fact… burn it! That book is nothing but trouble. And now that you are getting the book. You’ll have to drive me out of here!
Kyle
Why?
Ash
Because whatever is in those woods has brought me back! And this time… it wants to kill me!
Hilary
I don’t believe you!
Kyle
Hilary! He’s not kidding! Whatever IS in these woods took 8 lives away already!
Hilary
This’ll ruin our weekend!
--- Kyle and Hilary walk into the cabin and shut the door.
CUT TO
--- Mrs. Green, Casey, and Sheri are coming up to the cabin.
Casey
Now, Jennifer, I don’t know why we’re coming here!
Jennifer
Now since when do you call your mother by her real name?
Casey
Since you made us come to this sh** hole! I told you I didn’t want to come!
Jen
Well… it’s just for the weekend. Get over it.
Sheri
Yeah, quit whining!
Casey
Shut up!
Sheri
Uh… no. Mom is just trying to do something nice for us and you complain!
Casey
I just hate the woods!
--- They stop the car and see two cars parked outside already.
Jen
What? We had this renovated! There isn’t supposed to be anyone here all weekend.
Casey
Maybe they brought a CD Player.
Jen
You WILL NOT listen to it.
Casey
I guess we’ll have to go home then.
Jen
No. We’ll just have to deal with them.
--- They get out of the car and grab their bags.
--- Jen walks up to the door and knocks.
Jen
HEY OPEN UP!
--- inside the cabin, the three are in the kitchen.
Ash
Wait, There is someone else out there!
--- Ash walks up to the door and opens it.
Jen
This place is reserved!
Ash
We’re leaving in a while!
--- Jen turns around and grabs Casey’s bags and Sheri’s bags.
Jen
May we come in?
Ash
Sure but---
Jen
Great!
--- she barges in and throws the bags on the couch. She walks into the kitchen and down into the basement.
Ash
Where are you going!?
Jen
I’ve got to get something.
--- she is in the basement for 30 seconds.
Kyle
What do you think she’s getting.
--- Jen walks back up the stairs, holding “The Book of the Dead”
Hilary
HEY! Drop it! It’s ours! We came all this way from California to get that damn book and we’re gonna take it!
Jen
It’s my Great Grandfather’s!
Ash
BURN THE DAMN THING!
Jen
Why would I do that?
Ash
That book brought back the dead! There is something out in those woods! And it came from the damn book!
CUT TO
--- Freddy, Chester, Dr. Jim, and Allen Come up in the drive way.
Allen
What the hell is this?
Jim
Looks like there are people here!
Freddy
And it took a doctor to figure that out!?
Chester
Now what?
Freddy
We’re going in.
--- Jim, Allen, and Freddy pull out guns.
Chester
What the hell! Why did you bring that!?
Jim
Someone might of already got the book. We need it!
Chester
You’re not going to shoot anyone! Are you?
Allen
We might and we might not!
Chester
Hey! No one is getting hurt!
Freddy
If they cooperate!
Jim
LETS GET IT!
--- They all open the car door except Chester.
Freddy
Are you coming?
Chester
NO! NO I’m not! I hate guns. I’ll just wait in the car!
Allen
Sissy.
--- They walk up to the door and knock on it.
--- Ash stops and looks at the door.
Ash
Now what!?
--- Ash walks up to the door. He opens it. A gun is pointed at his head.
Freddy
Don’t move! Did you hear me! Don’t move a muscle! I’ll shoot you all if I have to! Give us the book.
Jen
What book
Freddy
The god damn book of the dead! Give it the FU(K here!
Jen
It’s my Great---
Freddy
I don’t give a fu(k! Give me the book!
--- Ash slowly bends over and slowly grabs his boom stick. Then he quickly hits Freddy in the stomach with it and aims it at his head.
Ash
Now! You listen here! You do not get that book. We need it to summon the demons back.
Freddy
What do you want?
Ash
I want you to sit your ass down. Do it! All of you!
CUT TO
--- Linda, Dan, Sammy and Tim just pulled up to the driveway.
Linda
Great. What the hell is this?
Sammy
Looks like there are people here already.
Tim
That doesn’t mean we can’t still do it.
Linda
I know. They’ll just have to deal with it. But maybe there is a hot guy there. Look, there’s 4 cars out there already.
Tim
So, you’ll dump me to have sex with a person with aids… just because he’s hot.
Linda
What are you gonna do about it?
Tim
Nothing
Dan
Then Lets get in there and crash.
--- The 4 get out of the car and walk up to the door. They open the door and barge in.
Ash
Now what!
--- The four drop there bags and look around.
Linda
Oh my god! Such a lovely party!
Ash
NOW! ARE THERE ANY MORE PEOPLE I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT?!
Sammy
Is this your place?
Ash
NO! I was brought here by the trees of hell! They dragged my car. And I bet if you all look outside now, you’ll see that it took everything away.
Dan
That’s bullsh** because there are officially 5 cars parked outside!
--- Chester comes running inside.
Ash
Another person!
Chester
Guys! The twigs and roots, they ate the cars! They sucked them right into the woods!
Freddy
Bull****
--- Freddy gets up and looks out the window.
Freddy
What the hell is going on!
Ash
I told you! They’re coming tonight. As soon as it gets dark, we’re all doomed by an unseen demon that possesses people.
Dan
Then lets walk on the road and get the hell out.
Ash
No, the trees will get you.
Tim
What is with these damn trees?
Jen
Yeah, I just came here to get my book and spend some time with my kids.
Casey
Which sucks since we were being held hostage a minute ago.
--- Tim and Linda walk outside and start to walk into the woods.
CUT TO
--- Jason is slowly walking up to the cabin. He is holding his machete and is slowly walking. But, he looks into the distance and sees a guy and a girl. He stops and stares at them.
Tim
Ok, that was bogus.
Linda
You wanna make out?
Tim
Wont Dan get mad?
Linda
Who gives a F*** About Dan.
--- Linda leans over and kisses Tim. Tim and her fall to the ground.
--- Jason stares at them and starts to walk to the cabin again.
CUT TO
---Alex is walking up to the cabin. He walks up to the door and walks in.
Alex
SH**. What the hell?
Ash
More people?
Jen
More people?
Casey
This gets better and better.
Alex
I thought this place was deserted.
Ash
It was
Alex
How did you all get here?
Sammy
By car. But the trees ate them.
Alex
The trees what?
Ash
Dig the wax out of your ears! The god damn trees ate them.
Alex
Ook. Is there a phone here?
Ash
NO!
Alex
Ok. My cell is out of service.
Dan
Where the hell is Timmy and Linda!?
CUT TO
They are still making out. Linda takes her clothes off.
Tim
You are Beautiful.
--- Jason is walking up to the cabin He shoves his machete through a window and breaks in.
Ash
What the hell is that?
Kyle
It sounded like a---
--- The door opens.
Ash
Stay here.
--- Ash walks in and looks around. There is nothing in there.
Ash
Nothing.
CUT TO
Timmy gets up to go to the bathroom
Timmy
I’ll be back.
Linda
Where are you going?
Timmy
I’ve got to pee.
Linda
Be right back!
Timmy
I will.
--- Timmy is walking through the woods. He hears a noise. He turns around. NOTHING. He turns around and continues walking. He unzips his pants and pees.
--- Jason is watching Timmy
--- Timmy gets done and zips his pants up. He looks in front of him about 20 yards and Jason is walking toward him.
Timmy
Sh**! Sh**! Sh**!
--- Timmy runs back to get Linda.
Timmy
Linda, We’ve got to get!
Linda
Why?
Timmy
Look!
--- Linda looks and sees Jason walking toward them.
Linda
Jason Voorhees!
--- The two run back to the cabin. They run up to the door… but it’s locked!
Timmy
OPEN the door!
Linda
Let us in!
--- Jason is only 10 yards from them.