Name
COM 104
JR Steele
25 April 2007
In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligan
Carol Gilligan’s book is about women’s psychological development. The author made research on this topic by interviewing different people about the same situations, to find out how people act, similar and different, in the same situations. She was also able to compare many of the situations to the way men reacted. The book is basically talking about how women think about themselves in life, and their place in a man’s life.
Woman’s place in a man’s life cycle-Engage in dual perspective
According to the book many women have a place in a man’s life cycle, and men have a very hard time engaging in dual perspective, especially when it comes to the women in their life cycle. Men are more egocentric when it comes to life and respecting other people. They consider their greatness as men and see it as a power that they are allowed to use, especially when it comes to communicating with women. All this goes back to the very beginning when women were first announced as the weaker sex. There is also research mentioned in Gilligan’s book that this lack of communication skills, and of engaging in dual perspective by men is something that starts in early age. Boys play more competitive games, which make them communicate more on the surface and not really consider their opponents’ feelings and thoughts. Girls are more likely to play non competitive games and if any of their games lead to dispute, the games usually end without resolving the problem, because they go more in depth about their feelings and beliefs, not always by understanding others feelings and beliefs but their own.
The different priorities men and women have in life has to do with morality care and sensitivity to others. Women are often known as being more caring of others, and pay more attention to others’ feelings and thoughts, while men often are more known to use their power. Men are more likely to use dual perspective to other men than to women. That is because men are less morally concerned and when the differences between the sexes comes in, men see other men as a part of their lifecycle, while women have a place in men’s lifecycles. Dual perspective is included in every relationship, romantic, friendly, or co-worker.
Images of relationship-conflicts are natural in relationships
The images of relationships are different for women and men. Women do more often put their partner first, instead men, put themselves first and let their partner come second. Women and men have different values in a relationship, and women’s values are more often consider the other person, while men’s values can be more egocentric. In one of Gilligan’s studies, an interview, a male says, “The most important thing in your decision is yourself, do not let yourself be guided totally by other people, but you have to take them in consideration.” There is nothing wrong in what he is saying. In the same study, a lady was interviewed on the same topic, she said that I might be good to put oneself first sometimes. This is a way that values can differ in a relationship between men and women, and obviously there are different images for a relationship and in a relationship. These differences usually can trigger a conflict and be hard to solve because of the gap between values and the lack of understanding each others’ standpoints. With these differences, no wonder conflicts are natural in relationships. It is not about saying that someone is right or wrong; it is just a matter of different points of view, which most often has to do with gender and a society’s gender roles. Engaging in conflict is a sign that people are involved with each other, and a strong connection underlies every disagreement. In every relationship between men and women there will always be some sort of image difference because that is a gender difference. Men are clearer about their standpoint in a conflict than women usually are. Men tend to know better where they are compared to the other partner in a relationship or a conflict, while women are more insecure and might not be able to find their own standpoint, neither their partner’s. The image, value, sensitiveness, and conflict differences in a relationship, are what make it a relationship and the conflicts are a natural outcome when differences do not match.
Concepts of self and morality-Orientations to conflict
When it comes to morality and oneself, the book talks a lot about abortion, and the different standpoints people take in a decision like that. For a woman to take a decision about abortion, there will never be a win-win situation in any case, maybe in a practical way, but never in an emotional or moral way. As much as a conflict about abortion can include many other people, it will also be a conflict for the mother who is taking the decision. Many interviews were presented in the book and all the women who were interviewed talked about abortion as a positive thing only when it had to do with practical things. The emotional aspects of the decision were always affective in a negative way, or ignored. In an abortion situation, it is important for the person taking the decision to get support. Women are more morality concerned about others and themselves connected to others, which is a main reason for the strong reactions on abortion. Women have a strong need for compassion and care.
A win-win situation will never appear in a discussion about whether or not abortion should be done, but a win-lose situation can appear. A win-lose situation happens when one of the partners benefits from a situation, while the other partner does not. The men involved in the situation may actually receive a win-lose situation because they might be less touched emotionally in this decision because of the moral differences, and men’s less feelings for morality. Because of a win-lose situation, a man who does not want to be a father can get away from responsibilities, such as supporting and raising of a child. For a woman and herself in an abortion, the moral problems should be imposed and constructed.
Most likely, in a situation like abortion, both partners will receive a lose-lose situation, emotionally. Even if men often can see the practical effects first and keep that in mind, going through an abortion is not something anyone can do without pain. Many times, men show their feelings by supporting the women even if the decision is abortion. A lose-lose situation in communication will also appear in cases where the feelings about an abortion do not connect both partners, but separate them even more instead. This is a lose-lose situation because of the emotions involved, and no one gains any positive feelings or communication about the problem.
Crisis and transition-Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs
Many times when people reach a crisis in life something is changing and one feels that the control is not there. In the book, Gilligan explains a woman’s situation reaching a crisis when she broke up with her boyfriend, and had to make a decision about a pregnancy. When this woman came out of her crisis, she started seeing herself as a person with direction, and responsible in caring for others and herself. She found a good way to balance her abortion with life, and found a positive way to see it. When a person does have everything it takes to reach the self-actualisation stage in life, but does not feel that one is reaching it, that can end in crisis. When people are able to recognize a crisis, that recognition can help one to see new ways to reach self-actualisation. Gilligan mentions that “the turning point of crisis also contains the potential for nihilism and despair” (123). The understanding of a crisis will lead to sadness along the way out of the crisis, one of the important things when handling a crisis is to recognize the sadness in the crisis because that is usually what leads to a crisis. The capacity for responsibility and thinking about relationships are connected to feelings and thoughts which, while not reached in the expected way, the self actualisation will not be reached until it is recognized and worked out.
Women’s rights and women’s judgement-Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship-Show grace when appropriate
Many women are scared to be too selfish and many do usually judge themselves if they think that they are too selfish. Because of this, many women become selfless instead in the way they understand their rights of care and relationship. Women do many times take more responsibility than necessary to feel safe, and it is responsibility for oneself and others. Responsibility goes along with morality and understanding the importance of rights. A difference between men and women is that women see justice and rights as equally important to oneself and others. Men are more likely put their own importance before others. When focusing on rights and judgement it is important to communicate with others.
Communicating about care in a selfless way can help understand people’s rights and not be judgemental about each other’s acts. This rights and judgments can be hard for women to handle sometimes, because of their unsatisfied self. Honoring oneself, a partner, and a relationship can help keep these three in balance, especially if there is a conflict. This is especially important to pay attention to in a family. Every family member need to see the other member’s rights and treat them with respect by communicating without disregarding or demeaning someone else’s needs and feelings. Because of all the concerns women have, according to the book, it is necessary to have fairness to oneself and other people by clearly expressing feelings and needs to a husband and children. Family members also need to remember to show grace when it is appropriate to do so. Grace needs to be shown by all family members, not only the women in a family. Grace is letting go anger, blame and judgements about another person.
Visions of maturity-The circle of words
Men and women have different attachments and separation dynamics which have an impact in adolescent years on identity and intimacy. For both men and women their attachment and capacity for intimacy have to do with how they were raised. People’s intimacy care they had as adolescents is likely the intimacy they will give their children. Women usually find their identity very important in a relationship. Their identity is connected to care and responsibility. For men, the identity in a relationship is more clear and based on their natural power. For men it is more about self assessment and success, than about attachment and individual achievement. Because of these differences, Gilligan says that men and women may speak different languages that they assume are the same. This is usually a big reason for misunderstanding in relationships that can be very hard to recognize because people in a relationship cannot clearly notice what the problem is since they are using the same word, but not the same language of meaning.
The circle of words, which includes thoughts, words, and emotions, is very important for maturity in a relationship. These three factors work together. The differences between women’s and men’s way to communicating and to understanding communication leads to conflicts because the emotions, words, and thoughts do not match. In relationships where the partners speak the same language and understand each others’ emotions, conflicts do not occur as often. It is also easier for these partners to solve the conflicts that appear because of the understanding and respect they have for each other.
Conclusion
This book shows clearly what position women have in life considering their own expectations, and men’s expectations of them. Even if women today have power and can influence people as much as men, women often consider morality to others and oneself more tan anything. Many times there can be too many concerns, because women do not see themselves as equal to men. It is not always the men who tell women’s standpoint and importance, instead many times it is the women who put themselves in that situation and accept it. By being stronger in mind and not so concerned about problems that are out of reach, women can become stronger in themselves and not judge themselves in situations where it is not necessary.
NOTE: This paper is a great explanation of concepts but does not incorporate APA style formatting.