MarcyMaryMeatloaf
Sheleanedoverthetallglasscaseofspecialtyfoodstotellthemaninthebutcher'scoatherorder.
“I'llhaveasliceoftheturkeymeatloaf,please” shesaid,pressingherfingertiptotheglassoverthemeatloaftray “ and,asmallcontainerofthe brusselsprouts.Thankyou.”
Ashebegantospoonsmallgreencabbagesintoacardboardcontainer,sheeyedtheparticularsliceofmeatloafshehopedwouldbehers.Itwasathickendpiecewithanappetizingreddishcrustwheretheketchupmarinadehadcaramelizedwhenitwasbaked.Shewouldpointitouttohim,encouragingly,atthecrucialmomentofhisselection.Thatway,shethought,shewouldbesuretogetthatone.
Justthen,avoicesaidhername.
“Mary?”
Sheturned and lookedintothebroadexpanseofavaguelyfamiliarface.
“Mary!Hi!Howareyou?”
Marywasataloss.Shestaredatthewomaninfrontofherinadazedway.Whowasthisperson?Shewasverylarge,nearing300poundsMaryguessed.Shewaspaleandfreckledandhadthelongredhairthatgoeswithsuchacomplexion.Marycouldn'tplaceherexactlybutshethoughtsherecognizedherassomeonesheknewfromwork.Andthenshebegantomakeanassociationinhermind.Therewasawoman,alargewomanwithredhair...Ah.Thiswasher.
“Oh.Hello...Nicetoseeyou!” shesaid,relievedtobeabletosaveherselffromthedeerintheheadlightsmomentthathadseemedabouttoextendintoeternity.
Uponbeingrecognized,thewomanbegantoprattle,sayingthatshesorarelycametothissideoftownduringtheweekandaskingifMaryhadrecentlyseenRoger,amanMaryknewsocially.SuddenlyMarydroppedintouncertaintyagain.HowwouldthiswomanknowRoger?TheconfusionmusthaveregisteredonherfacebecausethewomanpausedhermonologueandgentlyremindedMary,
“It'sme,Marcy.”
Marcy!Thatwasit!
Marywasovercomewithguilt.NotonlyhadsheforgottenMarcy,alovelywomanshehadmetmorethanafewtimes,butshehadconfusedherwithsomeoneelsejustbecausetheywerebothmorbidlyobeseand both hadredhair.Asifallbigredheadslookedalike. Honestly,it did seem somewhatunlikelythatapersonshouldknowtwosuchwomen,butstrangely,Marydid.Andyet,shefeltitwasunforgivabletomakesuchamistake.Marcy,shethought,hadmostlikelybeenoverlookedallherlifeduetoherunfortunatesizeandcoloringandhere, Mary hadjustperpetuatedaterriblecycleofneglectthatundoubtedlyfedintothepoorgirl's woeful self-esteemissues,whichweresurelyatthecoreofherobesity.Unlessitwasaglandularissue.Maryreallyhopedthatwasthecase.IfMarcyhadaglandproblem,thatwouldjustbesomuchbetter...
Mary'sguiltspiralwasinterruptedbythemaninthewhitebutcher'scoatwhocalledouttoMarcy “whatcanIgetforyou?” asheslidtwocontainersacrossthecountertoMary.
“I'llhavetheturkeymeatloaf” Marcysaid.
Maryexclaimed “Igotthesamething!Itisreallygoodhere...” Marcynoddedagreementasshepressedathickfingeragainsttheglassandsaid “canIhavethatoneplease?”
ThemannoddedandstretchedhistongsforwardtograsptheveryendpieceMaryhadwanted.Asheboxeditup,MarcychattedhappilytoMaryaboutatriptoFranceshehadrecentlytakentovisitadietguruthere. “TherearenooverweightpeopleinFrance” shesighed.MarystaredforamomentatthepalewhirlofafingerprintMarcy'schubbyindexfingerleftontheglass.Andthen,beyondthemark,shewatchedtheman'stongscollecttheprizedsliceofmeatloafandpackitintoafreshcardboardcontainer.
AsMarcyplacedthebestpieceofmeatloafintoherbasket,sheturnedtoMarysaying, “well.Itwassonicetoseeyou,Mary!IhopeI'llseeyouatRoger'ssoon...takecare.”
ShehuggedMarywarmlyandMarycouldsmellthefaintaromaofmeatloafemanatingfromthecardboardbox.
AsMarcylumberedaway,Marycollectedherowncontainersofinferiormeatloafandsproutsandheadedtowardthecannedgoods.Sheturneddowntheaisleandpassedayoungmansweepingthefloor.Shehadseentheyoungmanbefore.HewasapersonwithDownSyndrome,orsosheassumedfromhiswideseteyesandbroadforehead.She had always thoughtofhimasaveryyoungmanbutwhenshereallylooked,heseemedtobeabout27or28yearsold.Shegazedatthedifferentbrandsoforganiccannedtomatoesandwonderedifthestorehadhiredhimaspartofanefforttomeetdiversityrequirementsorifhewasarelativeofanotheremployee.Shewonderedwhyheneededajobatall.Surelysomeonetookcareofhim.Or,maybeheworkedhereaspartofastrategyforbuildingself-esteem.Hownice,shethought,selectingacanoftomatoesthatwasnotthecheapest,northemostexpensiveandplacingitinhercart.Sheheardathicktonguedvoicemutter “Boy.Youcanreallysmellthatmeatloaf...”
Sheturnedtowardthementallychallengedmanandsmiled. “Yes.” shelaughed,alittlenervously. “Mm.mm” she continued by way of explanation. The smell of meatloaf was to be interpreted as delicious! Buthedidn'tlookather.Hejustcontinuedsweepingthesamesectionoffloor.
Feelingslightlyunnervedforreasonsshereallydidn'tunderstand, Mary madeherwayuptheaisleandaroundtothebottledwater.Shelookedforsomesparklingwater,preferablyItalian,somethinginaglassbottle.$2.50!Theywerecertainlyproudoftheirproductshere...Shebenttoinspectalowershelf.Thatwaswheretheyputthebetterbargains,sheknew.Theypracticallyhidtheitemsthatwerereasonablypriced,leavingtheexpensivethingsontheshelvesateye-level.Sheshookherhead,squintingdownatthelowershelves,searchingthepricesforonethatseemedlower.Sheselectedabottlethatwas3centscheaperthantheothersandasshereachedforasecondbottle,sheheardafamiliarvoice.Shefrowned looking aroundforthesource.
Alittleuptheaisle, amidst theCaliforniawines, Mary sawherfather.Hewasatannedandvibrantmanof74withafullheadofhairallhisownandamouthofwhiteteeth,someofwhichwerehis. Shestartedtowardhim,abouttocalloutbut then she quicklyrealizedhewasnotalone.Hewaswithawoman,someoneMarydidn'tknow,andtheywereholdinghandsandsmiling.TheyturnedinMary'sdirection.Shestartedandlookedaround,panicked.Maryjumpedbehindalargesignbesideadisplayoforganicwinethatsaid “KosherforPassover!” Shepeeredaroundtheside.
Thiswoman,whoevershewas,wasMary'sageifshewasaday!But,then,shedidn'tlookmid-fifties.Shelookedearly forties.Yes. Shewasatype...atypeMaryhadn'tseensincetheCharlie'sAngelswascanceled.Shehadlongdarkhair,likeacollegegirl.Shehadamoleoverherlarge,possiblyenhancedlips. She woreaverylow-cutsweater.Marylookeddownatherownmodestcrewneckandchinopants.Shegazedatherpatentleatherflatswiththesilverbucklesandoveratthewomanwhoworehighheeledbootsthatcameuptoherkneewithasnugskirt.
Thewomanwaslaughing.Mary'sfatherwaslaughing.Theywereselectingwine.Deargod.Sheknewwhatthiswas.Shethoughtofhermothersittingattheroundtableinherroom,eatingyogurtfromasmallcup,theTVblaringinthecorner.ThelasttwotimesMaryhadvisited,hermotherhadnotknownher.She'dcalledherCamille.Marydidn'tknowwhoCamillewas.Shehadbeenmeaningtoaskherfatherwhentheyhadtheirweeklylunchtomorrow.
Herparentshadbeenmarried53years.Hermother'smemoryhadstartedtoslipthepreviousyear.Marywastheonewhohadrealizeditwhenshewentovertohelpcleanupinpreparationfortermitefumigationwhileherfatherwasoutoftowngolfingwithanoldfriend.
Maryfoundservingspoonsinthelinenclosetandboxesofcerealintherefrigerator.Sheaskedhermotheraboutthesethingsandhermothergotagitated.Suddenlysomanythingsmadesense.Thedingsonthecar.Thevaguewayhermotherhadspokentoherforthelastfewmonths.Bruises.Howdidherfathernotknow?But,Maryguessedhermotherhadgottengoodathidingthesigns.Whoknowshowlongshemighthavegoneonlikethisifnotforthetermites.
Threemonthslaterhermotherwasinahome,aplaceforpeopleinastateofprogressivedementia.Andnow,threemonthsafterthat,herewasherfathergigglingwithawomanMary'sageoverthePinotNoir!Marywasbesideherself.
Suddenlysheheardavoicebehindher. “Excuseme.” MaryyelpedandturnedtoseetheDown'sSyndromemanstandingbehindherwiththebroom.Sheglancedoverhershoulderandsawherfatherlookingaroundforthesourceof the shriek.Shewhispered “please.Justaminute...I....” butshecouldseetheyoungmanwasbeyondcomprehendingherconundrum.Shelookedthroughthekosherwinedisplaytoseeherfatherandhisladyfriendwalkingtheoppositewayuptheaisletowardthecheckout.Shetookherchancetofleeintheotherdirection.AsshejostledpasttheDown'sman,hesaid,again, “boy.Youcanreallysmellthatmeatloaf.”
Maryneededtositdown.
Shesoughtrefugeinthelittlestorecafeatasmalltablewhichwaslitteredwithafinecoatingofsaltandpepperspilledfrompaperpackets.Therewasahippyishgirlreadingayogamagazineandeatingpre-packagedsushiatthenexttable. Maryfilledacompostablecupwithsomefilteredwaterfromthefreedispenserandputherbasketdown.Shethoughtaboutwhatshehadseen.Shetriedtobeunderstanding.Surelyherfatherwaslonely.Surelyhewassadabouthermother'sdeterioratingstate.Shehadtofacefacts.Itwouldn'tbelongbeforethedementiatookitstollandhermotherdeterioratedphysicallyaswell.Thedoctorhadsaidasmuch...butthiswoman!Itwastoomuch.Maryputherheadinherhands.Shewasstartingtogetaheadache.Shestayedthiswaywonderingwhichaisletheaspirinmightbeon,untilshesmelledsomethinghorrible.
Thestenchwasacombinationoffeces,fecundfilthandthevinegarsmellofunwashedflesh.Foramoment,Marythoughtofthemeatloaf. “Boy,youcanreallysmellthatmeatloaf” theyoungmanhadsaid.Shepickedtheboxupandheldittohernose,alittlehesitantly.Garlic.Ketchup.Onion.Meat.No,themeatloafsmelledgood.Sogood,infactshehelditthereunderhernoseforamomentlikeavictoriansachet.Shecontinuedtolookforthesourceoftheoffensivesmell.Shelookedtowardthetablewherethehippiegirlsat.Butthehippiegirlwasgone.Inherplacewasthefoulest,mostvilelookinghomelessmanMaryhadeverseen.Hewascaked,headtotoeingrime.Hispants,oncedenim,wereanoilymassofdarkstains.Hisfingernailswerelongandblack.Hishairwasone,longhorrifyingdreadlock,mattedtogetherwithfilthandcertainlyliceridden.Hisfacewaspepperedwithaterrifyingclusterofboils.
Allofthiswasterrible,butnoneofitsobadashiseyes.Hiseyeswerewildandcompletelyunhinged...andtheywerefixedonMary.Marywasbeginningtoretchfromthestench.Shefoundatissueinherpurseandheldittohernose.Shehadtogetoutofhere.Theproblem?Shehadtowalkpastthelunatic-andhisstinkandhiscrazyeyes-inordertoleavethecafearea.Butshehadnochoice!Shehadtodoit.Shegatheredhercourage.Shebreathedintothetissueandheldherbreath.Shegatheredherthingsandheadedtowardthecafeexit.
Themadmanwatchedasshepassedbutdidnothing,saidnothing.Oncebackintheaislesofthestore,Marybreathedoutwithreliefandheadedtowardthecheckout.Butmomentslater,shesmelledtheterriblereekalloveragain.Hadthemansomehowinfectedher??Sheheardashuffling.Sheturnedandsawthemanbehindher,followingherdowntheaisle,looking-andsmelling-likesomeundeadcorpseoutofazombiemovie.
Marypickedupherpace,turningdownthesoapandcandleaisle,gratefulfortheodorof potpourriandessentialoils.Butthedreadlockedmanturnedtoo.Heshuffledafterherdowncrackersandcereal,milksubstitutesandfinallythedairyaisle.ItwasherethatMary,pushedtoheredgeandfightingbacktears,turnedtohim,feelinginherpurseforthepeppersprayshekeptthere.Shewouldscream,shethought.ThedreadlockedmancontinuedtowardherandMaryclosedhereyes,readytoshoutforhelpanddefendherselfagainstthislunatic.
Andthensheheardavoicesay “HeythereLeonard.Youknowyoucan'tbeinhere.Wereyoulookingforme?Iwasjustcomingtomeetyou. “ Maryopenedhereyestoseethemaninthebutcher'scoathandingthedreadlockedmanalargecardboardboxfromthedelicounteranda5$bill. “Nowremember,I'llseeyoutomorrow-outside,ok?” Leonardnoddedhiscakedhead.Suddenlythiswasnozombiemaniac.Thispoormanlookedsheepishandsmall.Hewaspitifulandnotatallterrifying.He,Leonard,pattedtheman'swhitecoatedsleevewithhisowndirtyhandandlookeddownwithamixtureofshameandgratitude.
Maryeasedthepepperspraybackintoherpurse.ShestoodinthemilkaislebesidebottlesofKefirandGreekyogurtandOrganicmilk.Shefeltashamed.
Finally,sheheadedtothecheck-outlane.Astheclerkbrushedheritemsacrosstheredlasereyethatscannedtheprices,theyoungmanwithDown'sSyndrome,evidentlydonewithsweeping,baggedthemforher.Shepaidandturnedtocollectherbag.Ashehandedittoher,theyoungmanwho'snametagread “Randy” lookedatherwithhissmall,simpleeyesandsaid “boy,youcanreallysmellthatmeatloaf.”
Marytookthebagfromhishandsandburstintotears.
Eve M. Kerrigan 1