IF THEY ONLY HAD A BRAIN….
“It’s as if he no longer has a brain in his head! He just doesn’t THINK before he acts.”
“She studies for her tests, but her grades are falling. I don’t understand what is wrong. Her teachers say she doesn’t seem to be very focused in class.”
“We used to do things together all the time. We were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Now I can’t even ask her how her day went because I am ‘invading her privacy’!”
“I tell him to do something and it goes in one ear and right out the other … like I never said anything at all! I thought he was going deaf!”
If you are the parent of an adolescent; if you have ever BEEN the parent of an adolescent; or if you KNOW an adolescent, you can probably relate to at least one of these statements. For years parents have been complaining that their child has become an alien once they hit middle school. Of course, we counselors are quick to comfort them by pointing out that hormones are running amuck. This is definitely true. The hormones play a huge part in the physical and emotional changes taking place. What you may not know is: a lot of physical changes are happening to the adolescent brain that could account for even more than the hormonal changes.
As adolescents move through middle and high school, many adults expect them to automatically be able to make mature decisions --- as if a mature body magically grants them adult thinking skills. Thus, the adults get disappointed, the adolescents feel misunderstood, and we have conflict!
It turns out that, while the brain has actually finished reaching its potential size by the time a child is in middle school, it actually is not finished developing. Around 12 years of age there is a growth spurt in the brain to strengthen the nerve connections. These connections allow for quicker and less emotional responses in situations. Would it surprise you to know that this growth spurt can continue into the mid-20’s, and often times 30’s? Yet we adults seem to expect these traits from a child in middle school.
The last part of the brain to develop is the pre-frontal cortex. This is the part of the brain responsible for organization, time management, short-term memory, goal setting, initiation and self-restraint. Remember, these skills are not mastered until early adulthood (20’s and 30’s). So as your daughter screams at you about her being enslaved when you ask her to do the dishes, or your son forgets for the 3rd time this week to turn in his homework, or your child can’t find the last 6 notebooks you purchased for him because his locker is close to being condemned, it’s because they don’t have the brain capacity to do these things yet!
Now, you combine this already intense situation with the astronomical surge in hormones, and any rational parent is ready to go over the edge. In the adolescent male alone, the testosterone levels grow to 20 times the amount they had in elementary school. This means they have an increase in aggression and less of a desire to talk or be social. This combines with another of their hormones (vasopressin) which is found to skew the way they read facial expressions. Together, these hormones cause a stress hormone (cortisol) to kick in. So when the teacher calls on an 8th grade boy in class who doesn’t have his homework, these three hormones will flood his brain, and with an already under developed pre-frontal cortex, he will probably respond in a less than desirable manner.
It is not much better with the adolescent female. Between the cyclical roller coaster ride of estrogen (which makes her energetic and confident), oxytocin (which increases her desire to maintain close connections), and progesterone (which greatly increases her irritability), you may feel the need to walk on eggshells around her!
The adolescent increase in estrogen and testosterone also causes a natural shift in the sleep habits. Their brains will not allow them to sleep until about 2 hours later than normal (now 11:00 p.m. or 12:00 a.m.). With school buses running at six or seven in the morning, this certainly does not allow for the recommended nine hours of sleep. So over time, we can add sleep deprivation to the mood swings.
As bad as all of this may seem, there are some things we can do to make it more manageable, if not better. Counselors, teachers, and parents can assist them in developing study skills, organizational skills, timelines, or setting goals. Although these are difficult for them, we can at least help them with the coping skills to de-escalate from their own frustration. We can educate them with what we know about why they act and feel this way, and encourage talking about it. They are as confused as we are at times. Teachers can write assignments on the board, say it aloud, require it be written in an agenda, and post it on their web page. It may seem like overkill to an adult, but is often times not enough for the adolescent.
Most importantly, we all need to de-personalize the adolescent reaction in these situations. We must educate ourselves and remind ourselves that they truly can not help themselves in how they respond at times. It is NOT personal! By understanding their behavior and being a good listener when needed, we can help them to thrive during adolescence instead of just survive it.
With something to think about, this is Mrs. Napier. Make it a great day or not….the choice is yours!
p.s. If you would like more information on the adolescent brain, PBS did a series in 2002 titled “Inside the Teenage Brain” and the October 2011 issue of National Geographic featured the teenage brain.