Ideas for Caring Behaviors List

IDEAS FOR CARING BEHAVIORS LIST

To stimulate other ideas for what you want to put on your list of caring behaviors your spouse can do for you. Remember, this is not a demand list – it is only a list of options that can be done, perhaps doing 3-5 of the small ones on special days and at least one on every regular day. Give your spouse lots of little things that will please you. Give this or a separate list to your spouse (What Makes Me Feel Loved )[1]. See also Getting The Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, the “Reromanticizing” exercise. In the “Imp” (Impact or importance), fill in a 1-10 rating, with 10 as the highest, for the top 5 or 10 things you like. (Keep this in a relationship notebook or file, so it is retrievable!)

THE CARING BEHAVIOR / Imp
Massage my back, legs, or feet
Tell me you love me
Tell me you want to make love
Tell me you like making love with me
Touch me playfully and fondly in intimate places
Ask if I want anything from the store
Ask if you can pick up something for me on your way home
Give me a card
Flowers
Little presents
Call me from work to say “I love you”
Lean against me when we are watching tv
Compliment me on the way I look
Just listen to me when I ask that is all you do
Kiss me for 10 seconds or more as you leave me and as you return and when we get up or go to bed
Write me a love letter once in a while
Propose a day trip for us to go on
Hold my hand wherever we go
Buy me a massage
Read a relationship book aloud with me, discuss it
Take a loving shower with me
Take a shower with me and wash and dry me
Take a bath with me
Make out in the back seat of the car
Oral sex
Eating dinner together and talking
Take a walk together
Cook me a good dinner
Have a Loving Day[2] (or ½ day)
Shave on a day off, for me
Do a “I’ll tell you what feels good” session that is exclusively focused on me.
Have me do do a “I’ll tell you what feels good” session for you.
Do a touching making love without intercourse.
Try something new in love making
Go to a marriage counselor
Read a relationship book for us. Discuss it.
Do exercises in a relationship book together.
Take a relationship workshop every ______
Take me to a movie
Take me for a drive in the country or somewhere fun
Touch me softly on the face
Kiss my eyelids gently and lovingly
Tell me something that you want.
Take me out to “coffee”.
Go mall shopping with me.
Undress me, slowly and lovingly
Give me a compliment about some quality of mine
Take me out to dinner
Take me to church
Go with me and sit in the bookstore with me
Watch funny movies together
Tell me you love me the way I am.
Do a household duty that is not yours.
Clean up after yourself
Clean the garage together
Do some task together that is for both of us, or the house, or whatever.
Sit down with me to discuss the finances
Go through the activities list and decide what we both can do together[3]
Go to a community event with me
Take an overnight trip with me, you originate idea
Talk about our day, listen to me and ask questions
Write a little note to me, on anything
Take a big trip with me twice a year.
Have lunch together, out.
Go dancing, have a romantic evening
Do a “repair” communication where you think it would be helpful to me
Do a “Couple’s Council” with me every week.
Plan the week, month, year with me.
Make a special meal for me.
Buy me an inspirational or fun book.
Holding each other in bed for at least a few minutes
Sleeping with your head on my shoulder for a while
Stroking and touching me even when we aren’t going to go any further
Make breakfast for me.
Bring me a glass of juice when I am still in bed.
Make out with me.
Stroking my stomach
Do a 20 minute “dialog” with me.
Request, in a loving supportive way, a behavior change you’d like me to do
Do an exercise with me from a relationship book.
Share with me something you are reading that is interesting or meaningful to you. Let me do the same.
Talk about your dreams for life.
Talk about your frustrations and fears with me and hold me as your loving ally.

[1] Relationships, Loving

[2] Exclusively devoted to being loving and romantic and open and caring.

[3] See the printable list on questionnaires.