Is Facebook More Dangerous Than Ashley Madison?
The Role of Social Media in Divorce - And Why You Should Watch Out
Written By:
Ilana Tamari, B.Sc., D.C.S. (Psych)
Dani Z. Frodis, LL.B.,B.Sc.
Robyn Switzer, J.D., M.A.
On August 18th, 2015, the face of adultery changed forever when the user data of the Ashley Madison Agency was leaked by hackers. Overnight, thousands of families were strained to the edge, many of them destroyed, because the names, addresses, and credit card information of those who had signed up for the dating website, which is geared towards those seeking extramarital affairs, were made public. The leak showed clearly, for the first time, that no forum for extramarital affairs is completely safe - not even Ashley Madison, which had promised its users complete protection and anonymity.
This may lead you to think that the most sure-fire way to lose a divorce case is to be ‘outed’ as a member of a cheating forum such as Ashley Madison. You might think: Surely family courts can’t ignore the character of someone willing to pay money to cheat on their spouse? Wouldn’t the cheaters lose custody of their children, their assets, and their dignity because they were shown to have fundamentally betrayed their spouses?
The short answer is, not necessarily.
Fidelity, and even honesty, are nowhere near the top of the list of priorities of the court when deciding the outcomes of divorce-related cases. In fact, if you’re worried about your online presence being a liability in a divorce case, you should be more worried about your Facebook wall and your Instagram feed. The way you choose to represent yourself to the internet public tells the court more about you and your values than membership on a ‘cheating’ website.
A member of Ashley Madison who was implicated in the scandal may have been served with divorce papers by their spouse, but it is unlikely that their membership on the website will earn their irate spouses ‘Brownie Points’ in Family Court. Even though many in our society believe that cheating on a spouse is morally wrong, it is not illegal by any means. Adultery can be considered grounds for divorce in Canada, but in and of itself it is not against the law. In fact, it is exceedingly rare for spouses to base divorce proceedings on adultery or cruelty - the other ‘fault’ based ground for divorce available in Canada. Instead, the vast majority of divorces in this country are of the ‘no-fault’ variety – once spouses have lived separate and apart for more than twelve months, they are eligible to be divorced. ‘No-fault’ divorce is so widely used that most judges will reject divorces based on fault grounds. A parent seeking a divorce on the basis of fault may even be seen as unfit to support the other parent’s relationship with the children because he/she is still too angry about the split. That’s right: not only is adultery legal in Canada, but bringing infidelity to the attention of the court can make the cheated on spouse’s parenting seem suspect.
Many people are misled by this, as the sixth of the famed Ten Commandments in the Bible states that one ‘should not commit adultery.’ However, although many of our laws are indeed based on Judeo-Christian values, we in Canada are privileged to live in a country in which we enjoy a separation between church and state within our legal system. Therefore, it doesn’t matter whether somebody’s had one affair, two affairs, or a dozen affairs - they would still be treated the same under the law.
The same, however, cannot be said for people who behave badly on social media. People often believe that what they post on social media outlets, such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn, is private and can only be accessed by people whom they allow to see it. However, privacy settings are often far more complicated than people realize, and perhaps certain aspects of their social media presence is public. Additionally, every ‘friend’ on social media can have access to what somebody posts, which can have consequences, considering most people are ‘friends’ with people on social media who are more like acquaintances than friends in the true sense of the word. Ask yourself: Am I friends with my spouse’s family members? His/her co-workers? Mutual friends? If a divorce occurs, and spouses unfriend one another, they may still be able to gain indirect access to ‘private’ social media posts. The use of evidence from social media is becoming more and more frequent in Canadian family courts
Therefore, if somebody is appearing in family court, they should be worried less about their membership on cheating websites, and more concerned with questions like: Do I have pictures of myself drinking heavily on my Instagram feed? Did I post a passive-aggressive status about my ex on Facebook? Did I irresponsibly reveal personal information about my child on Twitter? Did I act carefully and cautiously on social media, in order to show the courts, and the world, that I am a responsible person and a good parent? Courts look to this information not to decide if you are a good person or a faithful spouse, but instead to draw conclusions about your credibility, and your ability and fitness to act as a parent.
Your ex’s lawyer may seek to demonstrate that your presence on social media is an accurate representation of your personality and abilities in real life. Therefore, even if you’re not expecting to be embroiled in a divorce case, it is important to follow these protocols on social media:
- Clean out your friends list. Only keep friends who you trust and reflect your taste in people well.
- Delete any posts which may not show you in a positive light. Although you can never completely erase anything from the internet, your first impressions online are extremely important and should not be underestimated.
- Do not put down other individuals on social media. People may see this as pettiness, and this may come back to bite you.
For better or for worse, social media is a very important tool for both building and destroying character in our society. It is in your best interest to ensure that your presence is beyond reproach.
(Article contributed by Ms. L. Chapnik)