I recently heard a quote that stayed with me for several days:
"I would rather walk with God and not have my questions answered, than have all my questions answered and not walk with God."
This is an excerpt from Rick Warren’s interview with a national talk show host, as he and his wife shared openly for the first time, their son’s life-long struggle with mental illness, which endedin his completion of suicide at the age of 27.
Rick is senior teaching pastor at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California and authored a bestselling hardback book selling 30 million copies. He pastors a mega church, which offers ministry to the homeless, those with AIDS, and literacy program to hundreds. Considered by some to be a voice for many in the Christian community, he openly admits to, “… crying every single day since Matthew died.” Like many in our congregation and community, the Warrens are on a journey through the grief of losing a child, struggling to make sense of the unthinkable.
"I would rather walk with God and not have my questions answered, than have all my questions answered and not walk with God."
After an unthinkable loss, we DO ask questions and the first question is generally “WHY”. We struggle to make sense of our loss, (the death, the divorce, the betrayal, the abuse, the infertility, addiction, etc.) believing if we can just make sense of it, the pain will stop. As time passes and we work through our grief, we do stop asking “why” as we come to understand fully that most often, knowing the “why” will not stop the pain of the loss.
One of my favorite responses to the question of “why” and what to do when the unthinkable happens was offered by
Dr. Cindy Ryan at the memorial service for Dr. Ken Diehm, former pastor of First United Methodist Church Grapevine, who died February 2011 from an acute brain bleed, with an undiagnosed form of leukemia. His death was a shock to his family, his community of faith and to all who knew and loved him.
“What in the world do we do when the unthinkable has occurred?”
“First, we worship. Worship is our sanctuary, “ she said “ and it is through worship we are able to continue to stand.
Second, we hold on to the Bible-the word of God, the promise that God is generous and God is good.
Third, we express ourselves.” She continued to remind the congregation that Dr. Diehm encouraged questions and dialogue about living a life of faith, using one of a his commonly used phrases, “God does not cause bad things to happen, but God is with us every step of the way.”
“Fourth, we hold onto each other.” She quoted from C.S. Lewis
saying, “Grief is the price we pay for love, but we would never trade the loving in order to escape the grief.
Fifth, we look up, because God is faithful.”
And, I think a codicil to the fifth point might be:
Before we can ever fully get past the ‘why’s to the place of acceptance, we often come to a place of surrender knowing we will never fully understand some things. With the passage of time and perspective, we remember were never meant to fully understand some things. But, getting to that place of surrender and healing often requires that we go through the valley of the ‘shadow of death’ in order to reach the place where we fully let go of the ‘whys’ and move into the restoration of our souls.
I think most of us would concur with Rick Warren: We would rather walk with God and not have everything revealed
than to fully understand all of our questions but be without the companionship of a loving, faithful God.
( Brad, the excerpts from Dr. Diehm comes from the Central Link UM Reporter, Vol 157/#44/3/4/11
In case you need that).
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