Marriage Week
I. Christian’s views on marriageHymns 231,228
Faith is life, and life is faith. Faith is related to eternal life, and marriage is for life. Thus, other than those who were born disabled, by human misfortune or by accident; there are three types of people who determined not to get married for the purpose of serving the Lord (Mt 19:12; 1 Cor 7:7,32). Those who are willing to get married should pursue a marriage that fits the bible truth and wonderful happiness.
1. The definition of marriage
Marriage means a couple, who make an oath before the Lord. God has established a marriage system of one husband and one wife. God is the director, introducer, and witness for the first couple (Gen 2:18-25).
Multiply Godly offspring (Mal 2:15; Gen 1:27-28)
Δ We can “get married and have no kid” (DINK; Double Income
No Kid) This is not recommended.
Helping each other (Gen 2:18; Eccl 4:9-12)
Spiritually – not good to live alone, there is warmth with a companion
(Gen 2:18)
Work together – Tend and keep the Garden of Eden (Gen 2:15,20)
Faith – Being heirs together for the grace of life (1 Pet 3:7)
Know the mystery of Christ – As Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself for her; just as husbands love your wives, and wives submit to
your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph 5:22-25)
2. Honor a marriage of faith
Marriage is part of our lives, while faith is for eternity. Marriage is for this life; we became a spiritual body after resurrection. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven (Mt 22:28-30). Thus we should honor faith over marriage.
Follow the bible teachings
Marriage is honorable among all (Heb 13:4) – we should not live
together and not married
We should follow the system of one husband and one wife (Gen
2:18,21-25) – the Lord God laid down the rule
Choose the partner with the same spiritual faith (2 Cor 6:14; 1 Cor
9:5; Deut 7:3-4). Refer to the cattle figure in Old Testament on pg 261.
Keep ourselves pure and holy (Mt 19:9; Rom 7:2-3; 1 Cor 6:9,10)
The marriage vow is inseparable (Mk 10:6-12) – What God has joined
together, let not man separate
Submit to the will of God
Entrusted in the prayer of faith (Prov 3:5-6; Ps 37:5)
Patiently wait for the right time (Ps 37:7;Eccl 9:11)
Receive one another with love (Rom 15:7) – With faith, decency,
health as conditions
Engage in the Lord (Prov 14:15) – Be prudent and detailed before
engagement
3. The impact of husband and wife with different faith
Faith being disrupted, and persecuted (Refer to, 1 Kgs 11:1-4,9-11; 2
Kgs 8:17-18)
Δ Cannot attend Sabbath sermon freely; cannot be in peace while
attending Sabbath to receive blessings; no freedom of bible reading
and praying at home; might eat foods sacrificed to idols
unintentionally; might be abused or get beaten for coming to church;
partner may use divorce to threaten believer.
Difficulty of attending religious education, faith of children might be
an issue (Refer to Neh 13:23-27)
Δ Innocent children are suffered in different faiths of parents; not
used to the situation; difficulty in attending religious education; no
guarantee for the faith in the new generations
Christian family is affected, life as a Christian is affected (Refer to,
Gen 26:34-35, 27:46)
Δ Different faith, different thinking, different mind and can’t walk in
one accord; cannot contribute to God in the light; cannot labor for
God and express servitude wholeheartedly; may encounter difficulty
in routine lifestyle. May persist to follow the trend of the world; like
superstitious in psychic reading, Feng Shui, superstitious in
geographical and time influence; afraid of offending the devils;
prohibited in doing certain things during ghost festivals; etc.
Being one family on earth, but cannot gather in heavenly places (Refer to, Lk 17:34)
4. Wonderful and happy marriage
The golden triangle – In addition to husband and wife, Christ is the
head of the family. With the love of Christ, we manage a marriage with
the blessings of God. (Refer to, Jn 2:1-11; Eph 5:22-23; Prov 14:1)
The iron triangle – Love for sexual attraction (attraction of the outer
appearance; body figure, facial look, dressing, attitude expression,
smile, eyes, forehead, nose). Love for the personality (attraction of
personality; like attracted to the gentleness of other,
straightforwardness, naïve, energetic, approachable, passionate, frank,
generous, financially wise, love cleanliness, responsible, caring). These
two conditions above may establish a good marriage, but if we add
onto the love of holiness (attraction of genuine virtue; attraction of
loving heart, submissiveness to God, patience, forgiving, kind-hearted,
receiving others, holy, humble, even temper, firm in faith, hope). Then,
there is eternal and unchangeable guarantee.
The diamond triangle – The perfect combination includes body, heart
and spirit. Marriage with a non-believer, there existed only “body and
heart” such worldly combination but without “spiritual” element. If
husband and wife were sharing the same faith, they could pray to God
in one accord (Mt 18:19). They can thus live with spiritual connection;
receive salvation of faith, and new generation could receive blessings.
The Golden Triangle The Iron Triangle The Diamond Triangle
LORD HOLINESS SPIRIT
Love
Husband Wife Sex Love Body Mind
II. Marriage in the LordHymns 219,126,212
If a Christian has proper understanding of religious belief, he/she will follow the bible teachings, manage and handle a marriage for life with caution. Marriage in the Lord has been a teaching for God’s chosen ones since the ancient times. (Deut 7:3-4; Josh 23:11-13)
- Understanding of marriage in the Lord
Marriage is honorable among all, we should follow the bible teachings, and comply with the one husband and one wife system. It is suitable to be married in the Lord, and not marry a non-believer (Heb 13:4; Mal 2:15)
Value religious education. Bring children along to attend church wedding so to teach them by opportunity. This is a good way to cultivate children to marry in the Lord (Prov 22:6)
Believe in the Lord and be baptized into the household of God. As we are in the household of God, marry in the Lord are “perfect match” and a wonderful thing. While spiritual connection is added onto the intimacy of flesh, how wonderful! (Eph 2:12,13,19)
There isn’t a perfect person on earth. Marriage is arranged by God, we should plead to the Lord for blessing. We shouldn’t be overly attentive to outer appearance, body figure, age, background, trousseau, dowry, academic background etc. We should receive one another with love, then wonderful thing could happen (Rom 15:7; 1 Cor 13:4,7). Sometimes parents are the factor for marriage adjournment. If parents have started to regret after children committed fornication with non-believer, it could be too late. This example could be used as a precaution.
Brethren in the Lord can be matchmaker. A brother/sister has to be one who is faithful to the Lord, with much loving care and sincerity in matchmaking (Eph 4 15,25), be responsible to the end (Refer to Gen 20:4). We could never employ a matchmaker who is a non-believer for monetary reason, using deceiving words to hasten a marriage.
There are three principles for marriage in the Lord:
Fear God, and firm in faith
Great virtue, with proper behaviors
Healthy in mind and body, hard worker and motivated
There shouldn’t be so much difference in age, and academic background. When a matchmaker approached, we should pray to the Lord for His will.
Nowadays, people prefer a small family. A marriage is between the young couple; so personal background, trousseau and dowry are no longer issues. Love is in the eye of the beholder; the key point to a successful marriage is mainly the love from the beholder’s eye. With the arrangement of God and prayer from both brother and sister, a successful matchmaking would be actually the wonderful will of God.
The outer appearance of people is not reliable over time, but the “inner beauty” is more marvelous than the appearance. A spiritual person will value more on the partner’s “wonderful spirituality”. A marriage that based on inner beauty will last long, and love that lasted until the old age.
If a youngster is seeing someone in the church, he/she should notify a matchmaker when he/she has reached a suitable age for a marriage. They can then be match made with prayer, and know each other through communication. This must be carried out cautiously with no hastiness. If a person would easily confess love to the other party, it may lead to a change of mind in the future and be too late for a regretful decision. While both are in dreadful situation, they may not receive any good for a sorrowful experience. Praying and rely on the Lord is the only way; He will perform His wonderful will at the right time.
Those who have not reached a legal age (For male, 18 years old; female 16 years old), they are not allowed to get married. Those who have not reached 20 years old, according to civil laws, they must receive the agreement from both parents.
To the marriage coordinator, elder, deacon and church board, they must not introduce a non-believer to the brethren for a marriage (though non-believer could promise to be baptized after engagement)
Matchmaker should not follow the trend of the world, having highly regarded to the social status and personal friendship, and having all unnecessary decision for the couple. All who involved may be worn out in terms of time, money, and efforts with all the troubles. Such doings will be an obstacle for any future couple who wished to be married in the Lord. “All things are lawful, but not all things edify (1 Cor 10:23-24)
- Dating before marriage and matchmaking
If there is anyone in the family who has reached suitable age for a marriage, parents should be cautious and not let them to date in the trend of the world (Gen 6:1-3). They should report to the church board and let marriage coordinator or brethren to introduce them someone.
When marriage coordinator receive agreement from both brother and sister, he/she should arrange suitable time and location so they could meet. Before the meeting, they should be told to dress properly. The sister could put on a bit of make up, meeting with a smile, and be attentive to manner. Both should pray to the Lord’s guidance before meeting. For the first meeting, parents and elderly should show concern, observe and understand the situation of the parties, so they may not decide a marriage in hastiness.
If the matchmaking is going well, they could be arranged for meeting alone. If the communication is going well, they could consider an engagement while they are dating. At the same time, parents should gather information from all around to understand more of the faith, virtue, social friends, career of the other party (Refer to Prov 27:23). Matchmaker should ask of their situation of dating; do give reminders or direction.
When they are dating, they may be able to roughly understand personality, conversational etiquette, virtue, perspective, habitual lifestyle, level of knowledge, strength and weakness of the other party, all these can be references.
Brother should pay for the expenses of meals, and transportation for the matchmaker.
- An engagement and after engagement
When both agreed to get married, they should arrange for an engagement at the earliest convenience of time so to avoid any changes.
A marriage is unlike getting a merchandise, they should not be greedy on the trousseau or dowry of the other party. They should not borrow from one another, as this will become a burden after the marriage. Matchmaker and parents should be on the same page in regard to this.
Matchmaker should decide for a date of the engagement, also prepare the engagement ring, gifts (bible, hymn of praise and daily necessities), dowry (to be prepared by the male party), wedding cookie (to be prepared by the male or female party, to be paid by the male party), place for the engagement (at the female’s place or the male’s), or at the chapel, restaurant, location for banquet. Number of guests should be first confirmed (female party usually should prepare for the guest list, male party can help out).
If engaged in the chapel, both parents should send each other a gift. The gift should be wrapped properly. The mother of the bridegroom should put on jewelry on the bride anywhere outside of the chapel.
For the engagement, it is suitable to invite church board to participate and carry out a simple but formal engagement ceremony. It should be announced on the Sabbath day.
For an engagement in the Lord, a future marriage is confirmed (Refer to, Gal 3:15). Thus a wedding should not be delayed, the best time for a wedding is within three months.
- Preparation before the wedding
Δ When the wedding has soon to arrive, the new wife has made herself ready (Refer to, Rev 19:7-9)
Usually the male party will be responsible for the wedding. For example, decision for an earlier date, time, place (if getting married in the chapel, should apply ahead of time so it will not have conflict of time schedule with the holy work); place for the wedding banquet and number of guests, invitation card printing at an early time so it could be sent out in timely manner.
Keeping purity before the wedding. For those who wished to get married in the chapel, they should fill out “application for wedding ceremony” at least 6 months before the wedding (the soon-to-be bridegroom and bride should fill out the form and both parents will sign for it. Church board will sign for the agreement so they can notify everyone)
Both parents should notify the church for communication, and assistants, while church board should proactively show concern and provide assistance. These are not against bible teachings.
The church will arrange a wedding planner, personnels and chapel decoration. The parents will arranges for a best man, best maid, flower girl, reception, cashier, host, etc.
Ceremony schedule should be printed out so it can be sent to others; the schedule could also be written on red sheets
The chapel decoration should follow the chart in “the Handbook of Holy Worker”, and should be done before the wedding
For wedding invitation card, wedding certificate, guest book or the box for the wedding cookie, we should try to avoid using any printing with dragon or phoenix.
- Matters related to wedding
Both brother and sister are believers in the church, thus they can get a wedding ceremony in the church
The host should lead the attendants to stand up or sit down when the bridegroom and bride are entering the chapel, leaving the chapel, and during the wedding ceremony.
The table for the wedding gift should be set up under the pulpit. When matchmaker and spokesperson deliver their speech, they should rise where they were seated.
It is unsuitable for any fancy decorative in the chapel, it is prohibited from smoking and chewing areca. The host should remind the attendants to turn off their pagers and cell phone before the ceremony begins.
When non-believers and their relatives come to attend, the usher should lead them to the seating place.
When the bridegroom and bride are entering the chapel, the parents or close relatives should accompany them. The best man and best maid should be following behind. When the bride is entering the chapel, she should be kick walking for every step, because her dress might be stumbling her steps and cause her to fall down.
The witness of the wedding should take charge during the wedding. The witness should hold hands of the bridegroom and the bride together and deliver speech, then ask the bridegroom to uncover the veil of the bride.
During the blessing, the attendants should rise and pray in silent. The witness should then kneel down together with the new couple and pray in understanding. The witness will rise and turn to the new couple, laying both hands each on the new couple’s heads to deliver word of blessing.
There limited only 1-2 persons taking photos in the chapel, they must not go onto the pulpit. They should be notified in advance to avoid misunderstanding.
When the wedding is over, cracker and confetti are prohibited in the chapel.
Friday, which is day of entering Sabbath and Saturday, a Sabbath day should not be in consideration for wedding ceremony. As well, we should not be like the non-believers who pick a lucky day for wedding.
While the church is here for witnessing and blessing, we refrain from all worldly arrangement. For guests who would like to speak on the stage to the newly wed couple, they could speak on the wedding banquet, and should use proper words.
There shouldn’t be cigarette or alcohol provided on the wedding banquet. A message should be displayed in writing “cigarette or alcohol are not provided due to church regulations” on each table at the banquet. It is inappropriate to have any ungodly performance or show on the wedding banquet.
When we are escorting the bride to the wedding, we shouldn’t play the Chinese traditional music or put on firecrackers (2 Cor 5:17). Since we are new men in Christ, old things have passed away; all things have become new, thus we shouldn’t follow the worldly heresy and traditional way of things (For example, leading the bride out of the car, or water basin tradition, leading the way by little chick, red cake, hanging sugar cane at the back of car, splashing water with basin). The couple, the parents, matchmaker should avoid these tradition and be deceived by the worldly superstitious belief.