HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES Ephesians 5:25-26

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES Ephesians 5:25-26

Topic for Men’s Breakfast - Dan Denham

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30because we are members of His body.

31For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

33Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.[1]

1 Peter 3:7 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

Point 1: Husbands are commanded to love their wives as they do themselves

Eph5:25a “Husbands, love your wives,”

Eph5:33a “each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself,”

Point 2: Our example is Christ’s love for the Church

Eph 5:25b“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

Eph 5:29b-30 “. . .just as Christ also [loves, nourishes and cherishes] the church, because we are members of His body.”

Even though Jesus led the disciples, He demonstrated His love by serving them in the Upper Room when He washed their feet.

Point 3: This command is not conditional on the wife loving the husband

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.[2]

Point 4: A wife is a “good” thing from God. She is a blessing from God to lonely man.

GEN 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”[3]

Note the contrast between all the previous “good” things God created. God can only do and make good things. God did not err in only creating Adam at first. He simply was not finished with His creation. Married men should pause periodically to reflect on the lonely and empty feelings we had before we found our wives.

ESV comment: Traditionally “helper.” The English word “helper,” because it can connote so many different ideas, does not accurately convey the connotation of the Hebrew word עֵזֶר (’ezer). Usage of the Hebrew term does not suggest a subordinate role, a connotation which English “helper” can have. In the Bible God is frequently described as the “helper,” the one who does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, the one who meets our needs. In this context the word seems to express the idea of an “indispensable companion.” The woman would supply what the man was lacking in the design of creation and logically it would follow that the man would supply what she was lacking, although that is not stated here. See further M. L. Rosenzweig, “A Helper Equal to Him,” Jud 139 (1986): 277–80.

As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. As a husband and wife demonstrate oneness in their marriage, they reflect the unity of the Godhead. Oneness involves being in agreement with God's will and purposes. Oneness is essential for an orchestra, an athletic team, and a construction crew, as well as a family, to achieve a common purpose. Oneness in marriage is essential if husband and wife are to fulfill God's purposes for humankind. Dr. Constable’s Notes on Genesis, 2016, pp. 28-29

Point 5: She is a companion to him and one flesh (see note above and the following).

GEN 2:22-23: The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”[4] Also Gen 5:1 and 5:3

Matthew Henry’s Commentary: That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.[5]

Point 6: Marriage is established and repeatedly supported in scripture.

GEN 2:24, Mt 19:4-5, Mk 10:8, 1 Cor 6:16, Eph 5:31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.[6]

One flesh or one unit is the strongest relationship among humans and Jesus appeals to this institution in setting out His view of marriage in Matt 19:4-5.

The reason for a man's leaving his father and mother, cleaving to his wife, and becoming one flesh with her was not sexual, then. It had to do with Eve's origin in Adam: since woman came from man, man should unite himself with woman to recapture their original unity.

Dr. Constable’s Notes on Genesis (2016), p. 52 citing Robert H. Gundry, Mark, pp. 531-32. See Charles A. Clough, "Responding to Government's Declaration that 'Marriage' Is Merely a Social Construct: A Proposal to Reform the Wedding Service in Bible-Believing Churches," Journal of Dispensational Theology 18:53 (Spring 2014):7-46.

When the apostle Paul discusses marriage [in Eph 5:31-32] and wishes to speak of the relationship between husband and wife, he does not look back to any sections of the Old Testament telling about the situation after sin came into the world. Rather, he looks all the way back to Genesis 2, prior to the Fall, and uses that creation order to speak of marriage.

Grudem, W. (2002). The Key Issues in the Manhood-Womanhood Controversy, and the Way Forward. In W. A. Grudem (Ed.), Biblical foundations for manhood and womanhood (W. A. Grudem, Ed.). Foundations for the Family Series (36). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, p. 36

Point 7: Woman is also created in the image of God.

GEN 1:26-27 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.[7]

[Also see Gen 5:1 & 3; Eph 4:23-24; Col 3:10; James 3:9; Gen 9:6; 1 Cor 11:17; Col 1:15 regarding “image”]

Point 8: A husband who loves his wife is concerned how he may please her

1 Cor 7:32-34a But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,and his interests are divided. [8]

Point 9: A wife wants to be significant to her husband

1 Pet 3:7a You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman”

When we were dating (and trying to catch her), we had utmost focus, attention, and understanding on her. In other words, we valued what she said and how she acted. We need to continue our focus on our wivcs, because God commands it. And if He commands it, it is ultimately good for us! See Ephesians 5:28.

Point 10: Bringing honor to your wife, brings great benefit from God

1 Peter 3:7b “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

•Peter banished any implication of essential "inferiority," with his reminder that the wife is a "fellow heir" of God's "grace" just as much as the husband. God deals with both types of people the same when it comes to bestowing grace on them. He shows no favoritism or partiality because of their genders. Wives may normally be more delicate in some respects than their husbands, but spiritually they are equal. "Life" probably refers to both physical life and spiritual life, since husbands and wives share both equally.

•The husband who does not treat his wife with honor will not get answers to his "prayers" to the degree he could if he treated her with honor (cf. Matt. 6:14-15; 1 Tim. 2:8). In other words, disobedience to the will of God regarding how a man treats his wife hinders the husband's fellowship with God.

•"Egkoptesthai ['be hindered'], to have an obstacle thrown in the way, does not restrict the thought to preventing the prayers from reaching their destination at God's throne of grace. The thought includes all manner of hindering. A husband who treats his wife in the wrong way will himself be unfit to pray, will scarcely pray at all. There will be no family altar, no life of prayer. His worship in the congregation will be affected.

Dr. Constable’s Notes on 1 Peter 2016 Edition

How do we honor our wives?

Point 11: Put it into practice

Realize that you need help from God to apply these scriptures
Add it to your prayer list in your own words, such as:
“Show me how to love my wife in a better way”
“Help me understand my wife more fully”
“Help me show her that she is significant to me”
“Help me please her”
Take your pulse: If you are not demonstrating the Fruit of the Spirit around your wife, then you are falling short in this area (and others as well). FOS: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control
Reboot with confession to God – reconcile with God
Reconcile with your wife
Recall scripture in this area (Shampoo: Wash, rinse, repeat)

Share (optional) things you admire about your wife

Recap & Summary

Ephesians 5:25-33 & 1 Peter 3:7 command us to love, understand,

and honor our wives.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as they love themselves.
Our example is Christ’s love for the Church
The command is not conditional
A wife is a “good” thing from God. She is a blessing from God to lonely man.
She is a companion to him and one flesh.
Marriage is established and repeatedly supported in scripture.
Woman is also created in the image of God.
A husband who loves his wife is concerned how he may please her.
A wife wants to be significant in the eyes of her husband.
Bringing honor to your wife brings great benefit from God.

Put loving your wife into practice.

Eph 5-21-33

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;

2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

3But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;

4and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

5For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

7Therefore do not be partakers with them;

8for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light

9(for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),

10atrying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

11Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even dexpose them;

12for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.

13But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.

14For this reason it says,

“Awake, sleeper,

And arise from the dead,

And Christ will shine on you.”

15Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,

16amaking the most of your time, because the days are evil.

17So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

18And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

19speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

20always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to bGod, even the Father;

21aandbe subject to one another in the bfear of Christ.[9]

22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30because we are members of His body.

31For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

33Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she brespects her husband.[10]

1 Pet 3:1-7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with bsomeone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.[11]

Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

1 Th 4:4 | that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

1 Co 7:3 | The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

COMMENTARIES ON EPHESIANS 5:25-33

MATTHEW HENRY’S COMMENTARY

II. The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (v. 25); for without this they would abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church’s subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ’s love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (v. 26)—that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., v. 27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews’ extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller’s hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself—that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter.—So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., v. 28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, v. 29—(no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, v. 30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church-because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ.—For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen. 2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man’s obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife.—And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, v. 32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.