CHAPTER FOUR
How to Identify Your Emotional God Perception
[from a book written by Scott Hadden]
As Christians, filled with the Holy Spirit, we have an innate desire to draw near to God. Though we have a desire to be near to the Lord, we can encounter difficulties which seem to push us away from Him. We can have a difficult time trusting and believing in Him. Why?
For many of us, the enemy lurking in the shadows is our false perception of God. Ever the destroyer, Satan plays on our emotions and false perceptions, setting up an effective, emotional barrier between us and the only source of hope and help we have: God. We know we should spend more time with the Lord, and yet we are reluctant to do so. In fact, there are a thousand other things we’d rather do than seek Him, especially when we are troubled or have failed in some way. This in turn brings on guilt. If I love God so much, then why do I seem to be avoiding Him all the time?
One of the main goals behind this book has been to help the reader realize that most people have faulty perceptions that may hinder their walk with the Lord. That is one of the reasons we have provided so many examples - - to show how we can have barriers between us and God.
Now it’s time to start identifying and removing those barriers, and one of the best ways to do that is to examine our emotional perceptions of God. What do we feel He’s like? And ow can we discover these perceptions?
Discovery often is not an easy task. As we begin the discovery process, it is important to look at the purpose of emotions. Emotions are a God-given gift designed to add pizzazz to our lives. Imagine how boring things would be if we didn’t have emotions. Life without emotions would be like one of those paint-by-number pictures that haven’t been filled in. Emotions add color to life.
Problems arise when emotions rule. Try to imagine what life would be like if we paid as much respect and attention to our sense of smell as we did our emotions. If our sense of smell ruled, then every decision we made would be based on how things smelled. For example, I love the smell of coconut flavored candles, and if my sense of smell ruled over all my other senses, including my reason, then I would probably decide to eat a coconut candle. Why not? It smells delicious. But there are some things that may smell wonderful but are harmful to eat, even poisonous. I love the smell of air freshener, but it would be detrimental if I ate it.
So it is with our emotions. As a ruler, emotions can be deadly. They can destroy both our lives and the lives of those around us if they are allowed to control. Far too many believers allow their emotions to rule and as a result they lead miserable, unbalanced lives. There is nothing calm or peaceful about an emotion controlled life.
Our culture is a major culprit in this warped sense of reasoning. We live in a society in which feelings rule. We are supposed to express what we feel, and if you do something against your emotions, then you are being a hypocrite. According to society, everything I think and do must be validated by my emotions. Otherwise I’m being insincere. If I tell someone I love the without feeling like I love them, then I’m being a hypocrite. Thus, feelings become the measuring stick of truth.
Anytime we turn to something other than God for the truth then we are practicing idolatry, and anytime we turn to our emotions to determine the truth rather than God’s word, then we are practicing emotional idolatry.
We live out of the idol of emotion when we choose to believe and act by our emotions instead of God’s word. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world (you and me) that He sent Christ to die for us. For many of us, when God says to us “I love you”, our emotions are likely to scream back “No You don’t” To help us deal with our contrary emotions, we will make up an excuse of some sort or try to rationalize away His love. We’ll say something like, “God says He loves me, but He really doesn’t prefer me or He really doesn’t want me. He has to love me because I am His child.”
Out of control emotions can cause the believer unending problems. For example, some believers have never been taught how to handle their emotions. Since they don’t (or believe they don’t) have the equipment to handle their feelings, they either suppress them or ignore them. This too can lead to emotional idolatry, because a believer who denies having feelings will end up being controlled by the very thing (emotions) that he or she is denying. Feelings that are ignored don’t go away; they get worse. Suppressed feelings, especially suppressed anger, can lead to depression; feelings that are denied or ignored only intensify.
Some believers fear their emotions, and more specifically, fear losing control of their emotions. They’re afraid they’ll start crying at the wrong moment, or lose their tempers and wound others. These believers end up being controlled by their emotions as well. Because they fear losing control emotionally, they allow their fears (an emotion, after all) to control what they think and do.
Let’s say a believer feels that God is a bully who doesn’t really care. Such a believer is going to be reluctant to ever admit those feelings. Why? Because a God who doesn’t care will likely be a God who gives either conditional love or no love at all. Either way, admitting to having unflattering feelings about the Supreme Being of the Universe could be dangerous. Love and trust have difficulty developing in an atmosphere of fear. The believer reasons that if he feels God is a bully and doesn’t care, then God might become angry and do something harmful.
Of course the irony in all of this is God knows all of our thoughts anyway. In Psalm 139:2-4, David tells about how God knows the very words we are going to day before we even speak them. Isn’t it amazing how some people believe they can fool an all-knowing God? Why should we hide the fact that we are sometimes angry with God for what happens in our lives when He knows it anyway?
Emotions exist for a reason. They help us realize what we are thinking, because behind every emotion is a thought. Therefore by examining an emotion, we can determine the thoughts behind the emotion. For example, when I feel shy in a group of people it I because I believe I don’t fit in with the crowd. I’m different and I don’t know anyone. By examining my feeling of shyness, I can determine my thought or belief system. I realize that I think of myself as different and unacceptable, someone others probably wouldn’t want to get to know.
Feelings are useful tools that can lead you to the belief system behind the feeling. That’s why it’s important to examine your feelings when trying to discover an emotional God perception. Some tests follow that will help you discover both your feelings about God and your own belief system. We’d like to encourage you to take the following exams, but we also want to caution you to be as honest with yourself as possible. There’s no grading at the end, and no right or wrong answers. Nobody else has to see these answer except you (and God, who knows all of this stuff anyway.) We’d also like to make one further request: We want you to take this exam when you’re feeling your worst. Take it after your boss has yelled at you, or your children are acting up or you’re feeling depressed or lonely. When we are feeling our worst our true feelings are more likely to surface.
Emotions are a useful tool. In this sense emotions can help reveal our beliefs and attitudes which can then be examined by the Lord. Indeed, the Lord will allow emotions to surface to teach us our heart attitudes about different people and situations.
There are two important points to remember: First, the purpose of these exams is to identify an inaccurate God perception. This is not a time to start blaming the authority figures that may have warped your perception of God. We’re here to see what the problem is, not point fingers. Too many people in our society refuse to take any responsibility for their lives, using their past hurts as an excuse to do nothing. As Christians, we must be responsible for our own choices and our own decisions. If you do sense hurt and anger toward those authority figures, you must forgive them by faith. (See Grace to Forgive by Scott Hadden).
Second, don’t start pointing fingers at yourself, either. Perfectionistic people tend to avoid anything that points out their imperfections. For them, admitting that they have an inaccurate perception of God is tantamount to admitting that they are wrong and even unacceptable to the Lord. This is not a time to rake yourself over the coals. It is important to remember that everyone to some degree has an inaccurate perception of God. You are not alone, and you can never be perfect anyway.
In a later chapter we will examine both how to correct your emotional perception of God and the role faith plays in bringing about a healing relationship with our Lord. But for now, take the tests to help identify your own emotional barriers.
Common Misperceptions About God
Exercise #1:
Check any of the following statements that you’ve thought or felt when life and circumstances haven’t gone the way that you’ve wanted.
_____God is more concerned about what I do (performance than me personally.
_____God is distant, making it difficult to see Him working or to hear Him.
_____I don’t feel anything; I don’t feel His presence at all.
_____ I feel abandoned. He tells me what to do and then doesn’t help me.
_____I feel alone. He’s left me to figure out His will. I’m on my own.
_____I feel unsure about what He thinks of me, or where I stand with Him.
_____He is hard to hear.
_____He doesn’t talk to me. He’s non-communicative.
_____I feel uneasy because I don’t know what to expect.
_____I feel uneasy because I think I know what I’m going to get – whacked!
_____He’s vague and hard to understand. I can’t figure Him out.
_____He doesn’t help me. I’m left on my own strength to do things He wants.
_____He is irresponsible because He allows all sorts of bad things to happen.
_____He is slow and takes His time in changing me or getting things done.
_____He doesn’t care about my circumstances.
_____He tolerates my presence and doesn’t seek me out or enjoy me.
_____He is aggressively involved in trying to make things difficult for me.
_____He is inconsiderate and doesn’t care what I feel or think about things.
_____He is hard to please. No matter what I do it’s not enough.
_____He is hard to please because I don’t know what He expects from me.
_____His love for me is based on how well I do or obey.
_____He understands what I am going through, but He doesn’t love me and won’t
deliver me.
_____He is angry with me because I’m not doing well enough.
_____He is impatient with me because He wants things done now.
_____I wish He were closer to me - - He’s so far away, so distant.
_____He is mad at me and is punishing me.
_____I feel overwhelmed because there’s just too much to deal with
_____I’m afraid of Him.
_____I’m insignificant to Him.
_____I feel anxious because I don’t know what to expect from Him.
_____God is distant, uninvolved in my life.
_____God is passively waiting for me to mess up.
_____God is critical. I will be criticized by Him.
_____I’m afraid that He will make me go somewhere I don’t want to go.
_____I’m afraid that He will make me do something I don’t want to do.
_____I’m afraid God will put a lot of pain in my life to “teach” me things.
_____I’m afraid God will kill someone I love.
_____I’m afraid God will never allow me to marry.
_____I’m afraid God wants me to marry.
Exercise #2
Which of the following characteristics did your father or mother (or stepparent) exhibit at their worst? Put a check by the characteristics that would describe them.
____Angry____Anxious____ Argumentative
____Arrogant____Avoid others____ Bigoted
____Bitter____Blame others____ Boastful
____Bossy____Can’t receive love____ Can’t receive praise
____Carousing____Cause dissension____ Compulsive
____Conceited____Controlled by doubts____ Controlled by emotions
____Controlled by others____Covetous____ Create factons
____Critical____Deceitful____ Defensive
____Deny reality____Depressed____ Despair
____Domineering____Egocentric____ Envy
____Exaggerate____False humility____ False spirituality
____False modesty____Fearful____ Feel sorry for self
____Gluttonous____Gossip____ Guilt ridden
____Gushy (too emotional) ____Harsh____ Hassle others
____Hate yourself____Hateful of others____ Hold grudges
____Hostile____Hypersensitive____ Idolatrous
____Immoral (sensual)____Impure thoughts____ Impatient
____Impulsive____Inadequate____ Indecisive
____Indifferent (don’t care)____Inferior____ Inflexible (stubborn)
____Inhibited____Insecure____ Insensitive
____Intolerant____Introspective____ Introverted
____Jealous____Judgmental____ Lack compassion
____Lack kindness____Lack love____ Lack moderation
____Lack self-control____Lack trust (suspicious)____ Lazy (apathetic)
____Lethargic (inactive)____Lust for pleasure____ Lust for power
____Lust for sex____Manipulative____ Materialistic
____Must please others____Nervous____ Opinionated
____Overbearing____Passive____ Perfectionistic
____Plastic____Pretentious (phony)____ Play games
____Play God____Poor listener____ Possessive
____Preachy____Prejudiced____ Proud
____Profane____Rationalize____ Rebellious
____Refuse to talk____Resentful____ Restless
____Rude____Sarcastic____ Self-absorbed
____Self-centered____Self-condemning____ Self-confident
____Self-deprecating____Self-motivated____ Self-indulgent
____Self-justifying____Self-reliant____ Self-righteous
____Slanderous____Selfishly ambitious____ Show off
____Too sensitive____Slow to forgive____ Too quick to speak
____Too submissive____Too strict____ Uncooperative
____Undisciplined____Unemotional____ Unreasonable
____Unreliable____Unsympathetic____ Unteachable
____Unyielding____Vacillate____ Withdraw (run & hide)
____Workaholic(too changeable)
Exercise #3
Check the statements in each section that indicates how you have thought or felt at some point in your walk with the Lord. (Taken from The Heavenly Discipleship Profile Test by Michael Wells).
- The Dead God:
“He is not there.”
“When I pray, it is like praying to a brick wall.”
“He never helps.”
- The Distant God:
“I can’t reach Him.”
“I know He is there, but I call to Him, and He does not respond.”
“He frustrates me.”
- The Overpowering God:
“If I get too close, He will make me do what I do not want to do.”
“He forces Himself upon me and will make my life miserable.
4, The Explosive God:
“I never know when He will get tired of my failings and get me.”
“I’m uncertain as to His response to my sin, but I am sure He is finally sick of me.”
“I fear what He will say to me.”
5, The Fearsome God:
“He keeps a record of good and bad, and the bad is outweighing the good.”
“I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“He will get even by causing harm to someone that I love.”
“He may take away my health or job to get my attention.”
- The Confusing God:
“What does He want?”
“What will make Him happy?”
“Did I do the right thing; am I doing His will?”
“Did I make the right decision?”
- The Lying God:
“He promises one thing and gives another.”
“He has returned good with evil.”
“Christian life was to be abundant; so far it is miserable.”
“I try to serve Him, and yet bad continues to happen to me.”
- The Manipulating God:
“I must do everything just right in order to get Him to do everything just right.”
“He loves to control me.”
- The Materialistic God:
“Things are more important than people.”
“What I do for Him is more important than my relationship with Him.”
“I must continually ask myself, what have I done for God today?”
“Has my giving been exactly 10% this year?”
- The Preoccupied God:
“He is too busy for me.”
“God wouldn’t have time for me.”
“God has other priorities than me.”
“He couldn’t be concerned about the details of my life.”
- The God of Partiality:
“He helps others, but not me.”
“Other people are special; I’m not.”
“Others are chosen, but not me; they can expect His intervention.”
“He loves others more than me.”
- The Passive God:
“The responsibility for abundant life rests wholly on me.”
“I don’t expect God to do anything for me.”
“I must figure it all out on my own.”
- The Performance God:
“No matter how much I do, it will not be enough.”
“Nothing will ever be good enough for God.”
“He will accept me in the future when I can do more.”
“I must strive to be more holy, so He will hear me.”
- The Physically Abusive God:
“If I get close, He will hurt me.”
“He doesn’t care about my feelings.”
“I don’t matter to Him.”
“I get what I deserve.”
- The Lying God:
“I can’t trust Him.”
“If things start going well, the trap door will open.”
“Just when I was drawing near, the world fell apart.”
“I had better take every precaution to make sure nothing bad happens.”
- The God of Judgment:
“He is a vengeful God.”
“He will condemn me on the great day of judgment.”
“I’m not certain that I’m saved.”
“He is keeping a list, and someday He will get me.”
- The Verbally Abusive God:
“When I read Scripture I see all I have done wrong.”
“Every sermon I hear speaks to my miserable behavior.”
“Draw near to God and He will pick up apart.”
- The Emotionally Absent God:
“I’m locked out of His presence.”
“I never feel Him.”
“I wonder if God really exists.”
“I’m frustrated…in the world without hope.”
“Where is God? When will I feel Him?”
Exercise #4
Check each of the following that describes you at your worst.
C1._____ I don’t like to serve others.
_____ I won’t serve others.
_____ I have a hard time praying for little things (needs).
C2._____ I have an impersonal faith.
_____ I major on the doing aspect of the Christian life not the being aspect.
C3._____ I worry a lot.
_____ I am often anxious.
_____ I struggle with bitterness.
_____ I have a hard time letting others lead.
_____ I have a difficult time following others.
_____ I tend to be inflexible.
_____ I get a sense of security from structure.
C4._____ I tend to be hesitant in trying to change or doing something new.
_____ I often feel insecure.
_____ I have a hard time believing that God will deliver me.
_____ I often lack faith.
_____ I don’t allow myself to dream or have expectations.
_____ I prepare myself to be disappointed.
_____ I feel inadequate to meet the demands of life.
C5._____ I struggle with being a know-it-all.
_____ I have a difficult time making decisions.
_____ I depend on others for leadership and to meet my needs.
_____ I have a difficult time giving to the need of others.
C6._____ I often have a hopeless feeling.
_____ I struggle with depression.
_____ I lack a sense of purpose.
_____ I feel very lonely.
_____ I often don’t see a project through.
_____ I quit when the going gets tough.