How to Deal with Difficult People

HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Changing Your Mindset

Realize that there will always be people in the world that will obstruct you.

• Focus only on what you CAN change: your reaction to them.
• So if you’re confronted with a difficult person, remember that if you can’t change them, you can at least change how you react and perceive them.

Look at your own behavior. If you find yourself constantly feeling attacked or harassed, you may be unknowingly attracting the wrong people with your own actions.

Self-knowledge—an awareness of your own limitations and strengths—can make dealing with difficult people easier.

Try to become more aware of your own perception of others. If you are sensitive to the many different ways that people behave and react to you, your thought process for dealing with them will be as various as the different personalities you encounter.

Choose your battles wisely. Ideally, you and this difficult person would be able to set aside your differences and come to a compromise. Sometimes, this is just not possible.

• Step back and really examine the situation. Is it worth further stress trying to pursue a conversation with this person? Maybe another person would be able to handle the situation better.

Pause for a moment and breathe. When we are being personally attacked, sometimes our “fight or flight response” kicks in. We no longer have to tend with Saber Tooth Cats but the adrenal response is still the same as our ancient ancestors and this feeling can be very intense.

• Sometimes, just taking a moment to think will be enough to avoid saying something that will only make the situation worse. If a person is being confrontational, you must choose your words carefully.
• Consider the other person’s perspective. If you can empathize with them, it will shift the focus of the interaction from you to them. Be as understanding as possible of their frustration and you may find yourself an ally.

Continue being as polite and accommodating as you can. Remember the old saying, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar”? A good dose of honey can go a long way in defusing a potential confrontation.

• When you remain pleasant and undisturbed, it makes it hard for the other person to continue being combative. Keeping yourself calm will often have a calming effect on others.

Talk to your peers about it. If you’ve been experiencing continuing problems with a person, maybe you’re not alone.

• Sometimes, your difficult person is just terribly misunderstood. Maybe you know someone close to them that can offer some insight on how to deal with them?
• Creating allies will make any future confrontation easier. If this person is truly difficult to work with, having a group of people to echo your concerns gives you some legitimacy.
• Do not resort to petty gossip. Be careful when voicing your concerns to other people. If it gets around to the person you’ve been having difficulty with, it will only make the situation worse.

Directly confront them in private. If things get really bad, you may need to have a frank discussion about the issue.

• Make sure to use “I” sentences. Keeping the conversation focused on your experience will make it seem less accusatory.
• If you’re funny, use it to your advantage. Humor can help any difficult message come across better.

Talk to your superiors. If all else fails, you should speak with your boss or any person of authority about your concerns.

• If you’ve talked to others who have had similar difficulties with this person, approaching your superiors with a complaint as a group can be helpful.
• If the difficult person is your superior, don’t be afraid to speak with their superiors.