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Homebirthstory:Claire
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“As a midwife I have seen women have their babies in all manner of situations. When it came to choosing where to have my second child, it was obvious to me that as long as all remained well in my pregnancy, being at home for my labour and birth was my safest and least stressful option. I loved the beauty of getting into your own bed and snuggling up as a family afterwards. I would do it again without a second thought if I ever had any more children.”
It felt like weeks. It was weeks. Weeks of trying to stay calm and patient with a tantruming toddler and huge belly in the heat of summer. Keep my blood pressure down and my heart rate steady. That was my plan.
I had my heart set on a homebirth. Why? There’s something primitive, secret about birthing in your home. I distinctly remember a homebirth I attended in the dead of night. I drove round the dark quiet streers, found the one house with lights on, warm and glowing. Something special, something sacred was happening in there and the privilege was mine to bear witness to this tiny person entering our chaotic world. And if only for those first few hours, life would be simple and beautifully divine for this mother and baby. After the baby was born and all was said and done, myself and a colleague tucked this new family up into bed, tidied up and closed the door behind us. As the latch clicked shut I stood for a moment. Breathed in the cold winter air and said to myself. That is it. That is just perfect. And that… That is what made me want a homebirth.
So as my due date approached and the braxton hicks came and went, I became anxious. What if my blood pressure doesn’t stay down. What if I have to be induced again? What if. What if. I did all I could mind, body and soul to will my body into labour. After a number (!) of sweeps to try and get my body to cooperate with my plan I eventually went into labour.
It started as all the other evenings had, mild contractions 20 mins apart, I ate dinner, watched TV and aimed for bed. They eased off around midnight but as the night went on I couldn’t stay still. I needed to move. So I rolled around’ knees, side, upright, lying until at 4am I figured this must be it. I didn’t bother trying to sleep now. I just rolled up into my knees every time a contraction came. They were about every 5 mins but only mild. My oldest woke as usual around half 5 and as soon as he appeared I realised theat they were stronger than I thought as I struggled to engage with him and concentrate on riding the contractions. We arranged for him to be looked after and I informed my birth photographer and midwives about what was happening. Birth photographer? Yes. Birth is so intense and even if unmedicated you miss and forget so much in the haze of it all and hey, why should I see everyone else’s baby’s being born but not my own!
So now I lose my timings a bit so forgive me if they are slightly out but I think it was about 8am/8.30am that my midwife Natalie arrived. I think we both panicked a bit at how quickly it would all go as my first labour had gone from 4cm to baby out in 1 hour. I did however have the whereabouts to shower and straighten my fridge, which when you look at the pictures was a complete joke really and a good clue for Natalie that I was not about to have a baby!
The contractions ramped up and Natalie examined me at about 9am. I was still 3cm, exactly the same as the night before at my sweep. We didn’t mind. I trusted my body and so did Natalie. The contractions following that became pretty intense and from then until 1pm I was having 4 or 5 contractions in every 10 mins. My birth photographer arrived and she couldn’t have been more perfect. I felt so relaxed with her there.I put the TENS machine on for what I don’t think was very long and then knew I just needed to be in water so I got in the bath. It was heaven. You know that sigh your mind and body makes when it gets in a hot bath?
It was that. Bliss. I entered then a state of complete
concentration. Ride each contraction. When it got too much I yelled, or shouted out, or just rhythmically thumped the wall with my hand. I moved around as much as I could but that was hard in a standard size bath (I frustratingly wasn’t approved to have a birthing pool in our flat). So although desperate to be on my knees I couldn’t leave the safety of the warm water hugging my body.
What happened exactly in those 4 hours I am not exactly sure. Someone suggested music so I had some sleep relaxation music on that I had been listening to at night whilst I was pregnant. That was magical. It kept me focused. People came in and out, my second midwife Sue was here and of course my husband was home after sorting out our eldest. I cocooned myself in that bath, happily hearing my baby’s heartbeat through the sonicaid at regular intervals, reiterating to us that all was well. Funnily enough it wasn’t the cold dark winters night like I had experienced as a midwife attending that homebirth> It was the heat of August with all the doors and windows open and the sun glaring upon us. Another reason maybe why I chose my dark windowless bathroom where my photographer had enveloped the bath in warmly lit fairy lights. I do remember begging for tha urge to push, because then I knew this God awful pain would end and it would nearly be over. I tried pushing a couple of times but of course my midwives knew I was forcing it so I settled back into just riding them out. The rest in between, if only 30 seconds was heaven!
I think I knew something didn’t feel right, it was slower than my first. As soon as I was out the bath the contractions were so much harder to handle. I hated it. I am acutely aware that it took Natalie forever to examine me as I couldn’t lay still long enough for her to do anything and it was painful. She just about managed to feel that I was still exactly the same as I had been earlier, and the night before. Wow. Ok. Don’t panic I siad to myself. I knew this wasn’t
the end of the world, as I said, my last birth was quick after being 1cm for hours! I knew what had to be done. Although this took another age as I just couldn’t get enough let up in between contractions to stay still. Eventually Natatalie broke my waters and I can honestly say I hatd it. It felt horrible. Water spilling out of me. I now entered what we call transition. The crazy stage. “I’m going to vomit” “I need
an epidural” “Take me to hospital” “I can’t do this” “I’m too hot” “Get me a fan” “I need a poo!” Yes, that’s the one. This is it! Quickly. “can I get back in the bath?” Focus. Regroup. I can do this. The warm water. The privacy of darkness. The safety in the people around me. The music. I can do this.
A small urge to push… a sneaky little feel for his head… nothing yet. Sigh. Maybe this isnt it. Another big urge to push and a fullness between my legs. Can I feel his head? Oh yes I can! Stay focused. I quickly but quietly alert ‘my team’ that “he’s coming!” A few more contractions. I am aware of Sue my other midwife, sat quietly. This memory always makes me chuckle as I hear everyone throw down
their things and comme running in, husband, check. Photographer and cameras check. Midwives, check. I’m ready! A few slow steady pushes, silent, unlike my last birth where my son entered into this world with the sound of my screams! Some quiet silent “!i can’t do this”, firmly replied with a chorus of “yes you can”. The top of his head, his eyes, nose, mouth, chin. Pause, wait. Amazing. Between two worlds. One last push. Swoosh! Here he is. 2.13pm. With Natalies support I raise him from the water and cuddle him into my body, Joshua. He screams. Oh he screams! Yes! I cry. I reach for my husband. I did it. I did it! Those were my exact words. After some sacred moments me and my new baby boy are helped into the bedroom. Still attached to me by his cord. Pure delight. Still a part of inside me, slowly transitioning to be out of me. I remember that familiar feeling of a contraction and fullness so I push again and I deliver my placenta. The orgsan that has been the lifeline to my child for 9 months. Joe cuts the cord and then for the next hour or so, life is so simple. The three of us cuddled in bed, showered and my obligatory new pyjamas on. Natalie and Sue tidy and clean and head off. Leaving is to enjoy the magic of that moment before the chaos of life descends.
For home birth support please visit Facebook/Homebirth Kingston, email or phone the team on 02089343752.