Herald & Review (Decatur, IL)
May 13, 1997
Section: News
Page: A1
Tooth and nail/ Parents Again
Decatur couple put up fight for grandchildren
STEPHANIE ERICKSON
H&R Staff Writer
Editor's note: This is the third of a four-part series on an increasingly familiar family structure -- grandparents raising grandchildren. Today one couple talks about the legal and financial hurdles they overcame to get their grandchildren. Wednesday: Help is available for grandparents and their families.
Ron Stinson is tired of fighting.
He's tired of blaming. And he's tired of wondering.
Yet through it all -- through shouts, tears, accusations and unanswered questions -- he refuses to give up.
Because although Stinson loves his daughter, he loves her children just as much.
They are his grandchildren.
And they are in need.
``I don't need to raise another family,'' says Stinson, 58, who retired from Caterpillar Inc. in 1989. ``But I couldn't let these kids ...''
He pauses. Standing amid splatters of paint and puffs of drywall dust, he gazes out his new picture window.
``They were going hungry,'' Stinson says. ``They weren't clothed properly. It was a bad situation. If we don't help them, nobody will.''
WORKING FOR CHANGE
Ron and his wife Judy, the childrens' stepgrandmother, are among a growing number of grandparents whose children are too addicted to drugs to care for their offspring.
The Decatur couple, married 26 years, have fought for custody of their 10-year-old granddaughter and 4-year-old grandson for more than a year.
``It's very time-consuming, very expensive, very frustrating,'' said Judy, 51.
There are dozens of challenges, from learning legal jargon to getting health care for grandchildren. And many grandparents living on limited incomes are struggling financially.
The Stinsons also have spent many days and nights toiling with hammers, nails and screwdrivers at the east Decatur house they scrambled to renovate.
``The judge said the children would be placed with us as soon as the house was finished,'' Judy said.
Their housing effort began last year when Department of Children and Family Services officials arrived at their Long Creek house to conduct a home study.
``Because their 25-year-old son was still living with them, they were short a bedroom. They have since sold the house to him.
``We already had this house,'' Judy said. ``We were just leisurely going to remodel it, sell it and move to Nevada. We could see retirement.''
Instead, the Stinsons spent more than 12 months rebuilding walls, rewiring, replumbing and more.
But it's been worth the hard work, Ron said, because last month, they finally introduced their grandchildren to their newly decorated bedrooms.
On April 11, about three weeks after the Herald & Review interviewed the Stinsons, DCFS approved their new home. On April 14, the children moved in.
``It's still taking time getting used to,'' Judy said a week later. ``We are totally responsible for two more people.
``But we're excited. And it's a total relief.''
DCFS placed their grandchildren with them under the terms of ``relative foster care,'' a type that involves a family member rather than an unrelated person.
The Stinsons say they are still Grandpa Ron and Grandma Judy.
``I don't want us to be a mother and father to these kids. We're grandparents, and we want it to stay that way.''
LIFE-CHANGING CHOICES
``We've asked ourselves, `What have we gotten ourselves into?' said Judy, who works full time at Wal-Mart. ``But we could not have lived with ourselves had we not stepped in and gotten involved. These kids would have been lost in the cracks.''
Here's how the Stinsons say it all began:
Ron's 34-year-old daughter is the single mother of their two grandchildren, and Ron said drugs rule her life.
Instead of diapers, she buys alcohol or crack cocaine. Instead of clothes, or food, she buys heroin. She drifts from job to job. When she's unemployed and her body craves drugs, she sells her blood. She's tried, and failed, drug rehabilitation several times.
``Our whole purpose has been for her to get herself back on her feet so she can take care of her kids,'' Ron said. ``She's already been told that if she doesn't straighten up, she's going to lose all her parental rights. We don't want to see that happen.''
Throughout the 1990s, DCFS received reports that she was neglecting her children, Ron said.
``The final one was a neighbor who called and said the little guy, who was only 2 at the time, was running in the street with nothing but underpants on,'' Judy said.
It was cold. And Mom had passed out inside their home.
In the fall of 1995, the Stinsons hired an attorney to get visitation rights because Mom had left town with her children.
``She severed all ties with us,'' Ron said. ``We used to have the kids four days in a row, weekends, then all the sudden she moved with some guy up to Galesburg.''
She has since returned to Decatur and is staying with various people in motels throughout the area -- without her children. She could not be reached for comment.
In January 1996, DCFS took the children away from her and placed them in separate foster homes. In April, the Stinsons' grandchildren became wards of the state.
The law then allows relatives one year to come forward before the children can be put up for adoption.
``Had we not intervened, and had they terminated (Mom's) parental rights, that would have terminated ours as well,'' Ron said.
Judy said, ``Those children would have been gone from our lives forever. And from the rest of the family. And from each other.''
The Stinsons wanted the children to stay with them. ``We wanted them to be together,'' Judy said.
But it wasn't that simple.
BURDENS AND HARDSHIPS
After DCFS removes children from a home, state law requires social workers to place them with a relative if they can. If that doesn't work, the children go into foster care.
But often grandparents find themselves battling not only their son or daughter but a legal system designed to keep parents and children together at all costs.
``In the beginning, (DCFS) believed (Mom),'' Judy said. ``They believed the drug addict, as opposed to someone who was just trying to help her.''
The Stinsons had to provide records to show Ron had graduated from high school and had paid child support over the years for his six children, who grew up with their mother.
``I had actually overpaid,'' Ron said. ``But we had to prove and disprove. You're guilty until proven innocent.''
Finally, last summer, their grandchildren began staying with them every other weekend.
Initially, Ron's daughter had court-arranged time with her children at the Stinsons' home. But she began skipping visits -- including one last Thanksgiving and one at Christmas.
About a month ago, the court told the Stinsons that Mom could no longer see her children.
Meanwhile, the Stinsons continued attending hearing after hearing. Those have included visitation battles with their grandson's father and both grandchildren's biological grandmother, whom Ron said he divorced in 1966.
The Stinsons then began remodeling their home themselves because they could not afford outside help.
They continue saving for attorney's fees, which have already amounted to more than $4,000. The Stinsons hope each grandchild will receive a Medicaid card, and they don't know what financial aid they will receive.
Ron said he doubts their legal and financial difficulties will end.
``We won't have total control,'' he said. ``We know we'll have to get 30 days prior approval before we can go on a trip, but there are probably many other legal aspects that we haven't even begun to get into yet.''
Although the Stinsons worry about future, they're prepared to confront their fears. ``They say history repeats itself,'' Ron said. ``I can't stand by and let (my grandchildren get into drugs). I can't let the cycle continue.''
And while the Stinsons hope to someday return their grandchildren to Ron's daughter, they are prepared to become legal guardians or adopt if necessary.
``We're going to play it by ear,'' Ron said. ``We'll do whatever it takes.''