Jan 6

Checked: paragraphs done for homework

Handed out: Paper on Tone Words (available in Reprints)

ELA Class Notes:

Today’s class involved 2 main topics:

v  we discussed how to revise an ORQ, which is the homework AND

v  we discussed the literary terms Mood and Tone, and introduced the word CONNOTATION. We will further analyze how writer’s use Mood and Tone and choose words with just the right connotation as we read Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Black Cat” and finish our own writing projects.

I. Reviewing and revising draft paragraphs—weekend homework

You have completed a brainstorm and a first draft of your ORQ style journal response to the question about what you would shred from 2011 and why. The weekend homework is to revise this first cut. Complete review of the kinds of things to look for as you revise appears below.

In summary, your revision should ensure that you have met the purpose of ANY writing assignment, which is to make a POINT clearly, completely, and convincingly.

You will do at least one more revision after this so you do not have to put this in final format yet. You may just mark up your draft.

v  If you just mark up your double-spaced draft, then do so in another color or highlight so I can easily tell what is new from your weekend’s work.

v  If you did not double-space the draft (--as you have been told to do this year and EVERY year—You must create a double-spaced draft to mark up or a completely rewritten draft with changes from draft one highlighted. I CANNOT read drafts with miniscule markings squeezed between lines.

v  If you DO generate a revision on a separate sheet of paper, please HIGHLIGHT ALL the changes you make from the original.

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WHAT TO LOOK FOR AS YOUR REVISE

A.  Re-read the prompt and think about FAP (format, audience, purpose)

o  Revise if you are NOT on the topic. Topic is the PURPOSE of this writing. (Include key words from prompt (in this case—“shred” and” 2011” in first or second sentence of response).

o  Get right to the point—ORQ format is a very short format. DO NOT begin “there were a lot of great things about 2011 but….” That is not the MAIN idea in the prompt about what you DON’T want to remember.

o  Are you using the ORQ format—a paragraph or two? If you are writing 5 or 6 paragraphs—revise! This is not a long composition or essay format.

o  Be sure you are writing about ONE thing to shred—your best topic ideas from your brainstorm. Do not try to hit three completely different topics in this short format

o  Are you writing about Trim out off-topic details;

B. Consider the 3 sides of the Rhetorical Triangle—be like the political candidate looking to show you are the expert on this topic, who connects to the reader emotionally, and who is believable and trustworthy.

o  Logos/LOGIC : Does your paragraph appeal to reader’s head? Are you logical and clear? Use facts, details, specifics.

  1. Add MORE specifics if you have weak support. Zoom in on a detail, feeling, or image to make an example clearer.
  2. TRIM OUT less if you have off-topic details or weak details or just too many details. Add something better if you don’t have enough to support your point after trimming.

o  Pathos/emotional connection: Does your paragraph appeal to reader’s heart?

  1. Do you connect to a feeling or experience the reader has felt and can relate to. Are you BORING the reader?
  2. Can you add a sensory detail –make them feel, touch, see, hear something that you felt in the moment you want to shred?
  3. Can you do a better job of connecting the detail to the reason the detail matters? Do you use transitions to connect ideas such as “This shows…” “this causes..” “This is important”…”unlike this “In comparison to…” “Similarly”…”Just as” …” In addition to…”

o  ETHOS/ believability/credibility/ authority: Does your TONE match your topic.

i.  DO you sound like you REALLY know what you are talking about? Should the reader trust you or does it sound artificial or so vague the reader won’t “buy” you point?

ii. Are you choosing words that entertain if that is your purpose, or are the words informational, serious and formal if your topic is more formal?

C. RECHECK DETAILS AND EXPLANTIONS

·  Details: Can you highlight at least 3 specific details?

Remember that 3 details usually make your point more convincingly. If you have great conclusions or observations but no specifics to illustrate your point—go back and add something

·  Explanations: Do you give a clear explanation connecting each detail to the main point you are trying to make? Can the reader understand why you have included an example or are you asking the reader to figure too much out on their own?

o  Remember to treat the reader like he or she is a little like a 2-year old. Will the reader be left asking “but why?”

D. Improve word choice:

o  ADD AT LEAST ONE ACTIVE VERB!!!

o  Eliminate words you repeat too often—“so” “then” “Like” “a lot”

o  Upgrade word choice from vague “third grade” vocabulary like “good” “bad” “happy” “sad” “mean” “nice” “gross” “like when”

E. Improve sentence flow

·  Eliminate Fragments: Have you written in complete thoughts or do you have partial ideas? Have you started sentences with phrases the begin with “because” “which” “When” and not FINISHED the thoughts?

·  Eliminate Run-ons—Do you have several complete thoughts strung together without a period between them?

o  A good rule of thumb is that if you have more than one “and” or “so” in a sentence, you can probably break it into separate thoughts to make your meaning more clear.

o  Also, if you have a sentence that runs more the a couple of lines, you probably need to cut it into more manageable pieces.

E. Clincher: Do you wrap up the paragraph(s) using a key word or two to connect back to the main topic in the question? DO NOT just repeat your opening sentence word for word—try to make a final point that is connected but expands on the opening:

Example:

Opening: “If I could shred just one thing from 2011, it would be the times I exploded with anger over kids not doing homework.”

Closing/Clincher: “2012 will be a calmer and more productive year if I can remember that getting angry won’t help kids reach their potential and raises my blood pressure in an unhealthy way. I’m leaving anger behind in 2011 and concentrating my efforts on the majority of students who try to get the most out of class each day.”

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II. Mood and Tone discussion

A. Write the words tone and mood and the underlined portions of the definitions below in the Vocabulary section of your notebooks

Jan 6

Tone: The author’s attitude toward the plot events and characters in the story.

Mood: The feeling or atmosphere the author creates for the reader. The author creates mood using literary techniques including connotation, details, dialogue, imagery, figurative language, foreshadowing, setting, and rhythm/pacing.

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Tone and Mood are very confusingly similar. We describe both using words that have to do with emotions. Below are the basic differences to help you keep them straight.

TONE / MOOD
has to do with the AUTHOR/narrator telling the tale. / has to do with the READER
Imagine the ATTITUDE/expression the author might have had on his/her face while WRITING the piece. / It is how the reader RECEIVES the words and the story. What effect does it have on you? What is the reader’s expression?
The author’s tone comes through the connotation (feeling implied) by the word choice and phrasing. / Comes through the word choice and the events and situations presented.
It is how the author SENDS it out. If literature were football, TONE would be the quarterback passing the ball. / If literature were football, MOOD would be how the RECEIVER catches the ball.

We see a person’s attitude through facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. The writer has to show his or her attitude toward the material through word choice. The CONNOTATION of a word or phrase is the reader’s clue to infer what the author’s attitude might be to the writing.

Connotation: the feelings and associations connected with the meaning of a word or phrase

Denotation: the literal, dictionary definition of a word

B. Why a difference between mood and tone can make writing WAY more interesting.

Mood and tone often match in a piece of literature—the author’s attitude is the same as the emotion the reader ends up feeling after reading. The author uses words with a chilling connotation and it has a chilling effect on the mood of the reader. The author uses words that are slang or silly and the reader is amused.

The reason we talk about the two terms separately is because of the effect when tone and mood don’t quite match. In class we talked about the effect that would be if Mrs. Abrams announced a lockdown using the words in column 1 vs. column 2.

Column 1:
The Tone of the words below matches the formality and the content –so tone is formal, neutral and informative. The words are serious but calm so the listener’s mood in response is a calm, and serious reaction. / Column 2:
Tone is informal; words and phrasing have a positive, humorous connotation—which is mismatched with the serious content. This disconnect creates a disturbed mood. The listener might be confused, or amused. It would have an impact not felt when mood matches tone.
“The school is currently in a lockdown. Please follow teacher directions and move to a safe secure area while awaiting further instructions.” / “Hey kiddies, it’s lockdown magic time—something a little crazy going on in Ahernville but stay chill. Time to keep your listening ears tuned in to someone large and in charge in your room. Make your self as teeny-tiny as you can in a real safe corner and hideout like quiet little mice until you hear my friendly voice come through to you again.”

C. We reviewed the handout listing ways to refer to TONE and did the first example on the back of the handout which shows the same information written in 3 different tones-using an excerpt from Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird”. Handout available in REPRINTS.

D. We will read Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Black Cat over the next few classes and explore the incredibly intricate ways he shifts his narrator’s tone to create a horrified mood in the reader. The PURPOSEFUL mismatch between the tone (author’s attitude expressed through word choice) and the mood he seeks to create in the reader is fascinating and shows the power and genius of his writing.

In class we read the first few paragraphs out loud and will continue next week.