Gotta say, I'm LOVING the feedback folks! Keep it comin'!
;-)
Btw, to all those who have moaned about how their favourite couples aren't happy/aren't together anymore/seem on the verge of breaking up etc etc, you gotta try to remember, The L Word is a TV show, which is a drama/comedy etc.
For ANY TV show to work, there has to be conflict.
Imagine how dull it would be if EVERYONE on the show was happy ALL the time and NO ONE ever argued or slit up or got with someone new or changed jobs or whatever!!!
BIG FAT YAWN! lol!
Unfortunately, you have to understand that in ANY long-running TV show, even the happiest of character/s is gonna go through some trauma or other at some point. Otherwise there couldn't be a show!
And I know - just KNOW - some of you out there in viewerland are whining now, going ' well sure, but couldn't they just leave so-and-so alone to be happy!' or 'nooooo, I want so-and-so to stay with thingy!!!!', well, in the end, you may just get your wish!
Or, you may just get a big 'ole pile of lesbian dramarama angst.
After all, there is never any certianty in life, no matter how much which wish there were.
The best advice I can offer you, is to buckle up tight, keep some tissues at hand just in case, and cross as many fingers as you can between now and the end of the season.
I've a feeling it's going to be a bumpy ride......
Fade up on:
PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD:
Jenny burns her manuscript - hurrah!
Moira comes back, confused - awwww!
Shane urges Carmen to do her DJ gig - YAY!
Kit tries to resist her MANgus - BOOOO!
Bette asks Tina if she still cares - YIKES!
Helena swoons under the Dylan influence - YUM!
Dana wins her match - *the crowd goes wild!*
Dana tries to put a brave face on things - bless.....
Fade up on:
'Fairfax, Virginia - 1985'
A car with a flat (tyre) pulls up at a roadside garage.
Out from the garage comes a gay man's wet dream:
blue jeans
red vest T
straw cowboy hat
lean arms smearedwith oil
greasy rag in hand
yes, it's MR GAY COWBOY 1985!
*suddenly questions whether we've flicked accidently from The L Word to Queer As Folk*
The driver with the flat tyre turns out to be Frank.
Remember him from 'the chart' bit at the beginning of last week?
No? Aw c'mon! You remember! 'Mr Former Homosexual'????
THERE you go...... ;-)
Anyhoo, Frank is on his (brick of an 80's mobile/cell) still preaching to someone on the other end of it about "freedom from homosexuality...through.....the church" etc etc blah de blah de blah.
As soon as Mr Gay Cowboy comes around the car, tips his hat and asks "Can I help you?", Frank gets a bit stuttery and has to excuse himself from the phonecall.
Ahhh Frank, I'm thinking you are probably QUITE weak of the flesh, aren't ya hun.
Frank gets out of his car - and btw, for the 'fleet of eye' of you out there in viewerland, yes, the sign behind his head DID read:
"QUEEN'S HOTEL"
*"get a room!" - nudge nudge, wink wink*
- and the rest of this piece is pretty basic.
Put it this way, if I say to you that Frank goes into the garage to pick a tyre with Mr Gay Cowboy, I'm sure you won't be too shocked to find out that pretty soon thereafter, Frank is down on his knees giving Mr Gay Cowboy a rather nice blowjob.
Oh and btw, 'the chart' crawly line tells us that the guy Frank is sucking off is called 'Coleman'.
Y'know, I bet, in a million years, if I got a million flat tyres, I'd never ever EVER pull up outside a garage and be greeted by Ms Gay Cowgirl.
And, I'd bet my entire Melissa Etheridge memorabilia collection (including cds!) that even if I was, I damn well wouldn't get to know Ms Gay Cowgirl straight away in the 'biblical' sense, like Frank and Coleman!
Maybe it's a gay guy thing.
Or maybe it's just an unlucky Sci-Fi Bard thing....
;-)
Fade up on:
OPENING TITLES:
C'mon, sing along ladies!
(oooh look, there's Alice and Dana done up like drag queens on a motorbike!)
"Annnnnnnd loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove!"
Fade up on:
Sierra Hills Memorial Hospital.
Oh, this isn't going to start well, is it folks.
GIRLFRIEND!!!!???? GET ME MY TISSUES AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!
Yep, it's Dana.
Btw - and for no other reason than I'm a huge show-off ham - Dana is using the exact same model of mobile/cell phone that I do.
Which, btw, is a lovely sexy silver Motorola RAZR V3.
SEE! I'm as cool as Dana Fairbanks is!
*lets the self-delusion continue....*
"You're looking very serious Dr Shapiro..." asks Dana nervously, as she puts away her phone.
"Well, I will try not to be too serious..." says the Doc, trying to put her at ease.
HOWEVER, the news he has for her is NOT good.
"The results of your biopsy indicate, what we call, 'infiltrating ductal carcinoma' "
Dana repeats it, "ductal carcinoma", bitterly trying to comprehend.
Dr Shapiro sits down and tells Dana her options.
One of which is a mastectomy (i.e. the removal of the entire affected breast)
"Y'know, Dana, this is NOT a death-sentence...."
"Cancer..." Dana spits out bitterly, getting out of her chair to go stare out the window.
Dr Shapiro stands and asks her if there's anyone she'd like him to call.
If she'd like to do this at another time.
She stands there, weighing what she should say, then decides on:
"I just need you to tell me what I need to DO"
The Doc says he needs to schedule her for surgery, adding that if she wants to reconstruct the breast, it will take a little longer,
- "Reconstruct....." echos Dana bitterly -
as they do that at the same, but need to get her to see a plastic surgeon etc.
Suddenly she whirls round.
"NO I don't wanna wait! I want it OFF! I want it off NOW!" states Dana firmly. Almost coldly.
Cut to:
Bette, at home, meditating.
Or trying to.
She's sitting at their bedroom window, loads of votive candles in front of her, and she's trying to relax but we can hear the voices that are going through her head:
Tina: somebody in this family's gotta make a living!
Herself: I have made a living for the last 15 years - I don't think MY ability to make a living is really in question!
Tina: I'm not questioning your ABILITY, I'm questioning your DESIRE.
Her concentration is further broken by a little 'DING DONG!' that can be heard in the background.
Eventually she gives up trying to relax and goes to investigate the sound, which lets us see that Angelica is asleep on their bed behind her.
Awwwww.
Bette goes over to the laptop on the blanket box at the end of their bed and opens it, as it's THAT which is dinging and donging.
Oh Tina?! Little tip honeypie! - when you have cybersex with some guy, DON'T leave A) your laptop ON and lying around the house, B) your messenger program ON.
Foolish woman......
Bette, having opened the laptop up, looks perplexed at what she finds on the screen.
[DaddyOf2]
Hi Lindsey76.
[DaddyOf2]
R U there?
[DaddyOf2]
I'm hard for you.
Ooooooh dear.
Under Tina's ID, Bette types a reply:
[Lindsey76]
Who the hell is this?
'He' replies thus:
[DaddyOf2]
want me to take it out?
a little pre cum sqrting out.
Mm. Nice. Blech.
Bette still thinks this person is just another guyin a chatroom trying his luck.
She scoffs at that reply and adds:
[Lindsey76]
I think you have the wrong person.
Unfortunately, 'he' replies thus:
[DaddyOf2]
dyke w/baby seeks
real man for good fuck
Oh the humanity.
You see the truth start to dawn on Bette's face, as 'he' continues to repeat things Tina has previously typed to him:
[DaddyOf2]
slide ur big cock into
my blonde pussy. Lindsey.
Bette slams shut the laptop angrily and the cat is out of the bag!
I wouldn't like to be Tina when she gets home.
Nope. Nu-huh.
Cut to:
Tina, in her office, animatedly discussing a project with a rather handsome guy.
WHY does it always always have to be with a 'rather handsome guy'???
WHY can't it be with a 'rather average-looking guy', or even a 'pig-ugly guy'???? GAH!
Suddenly there's a lull in their conversation and it's pretty clear there's a few sparks going on.
Handsome Guy says he's distracted cause it's not often you get an exec who actually LISTENS to ideas and THINKS about the real world etc.
Tina flirts with him heavily, gives him one of her business cards, "this is my cell number" and then deliberately blows off a call from Bette, telling her secretart she'll "call her back later".
Handsome Guy picks up a photo on the desk of Tina with Angelica, says how cute she is etc
He also asks if Tina adopted her.
When she says nope, and that she gave birth to her, he then asks what her "husband" does.
Tina, makes a joke and then tells him, "I don't have a husband"
Then, rather shockingly she DOESN'T add anything at all!
NO 'I have a girlfriend'
NO 'I'm in a long-term relationship'
NO NOTHING about her relationship with Bette AT ALL!
OOOH you wanton hussy you!
It'll come back to bite you in the ass in the end Tina Kennard!
FORESHAME!
Cut to:
Billie Blaikie, with YET another weird and wonderful hairdo.
THIS time he's all got up like Joel Grey as the Emcee in Cabaret and he's announcing:
"VELKOM!!!!
TO BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING NIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
Billie is HILARIOUS as the night's emcee.
He does an impression of Tom Cruise in Cocktail at one point! lol!
While he's explaining the rules of the speed dating to the assembled crowd in The Planet, we see that Alice and Helena are there.
Alice has her label on, saying'ALICE' and Helena is NOT happy about being roped into a night like this, but Ms Pieszecki berates her, saying she only needed her there in case she ends up going home empty-handed.
Billie works the crowd some more, then we get a bit more of the HelAlice show:
H: "I'm not even bisexual!"
A: "RIGHT! BUT you have the choice of choosing ONLY girls! That's the beauty of bisexual speed-dating....."
As she talks to Helena, Alice is scribbling something on a piece of paper......
"...the odds are TWICE as good...."
*Alice slaps the 'Helena' name label - she's just been writing out -ON Helena's chest*
"....the world is your bisexual oyster - SHUT UP ok!"
LMAO!
I sorta feel sorry for all the other stars of the show, because lately, Alice (and to a lesser extent, Helena) has been hogging ALL the real comedy gem scenes.
But who cares - the girl KNOWS funny! ;-)
"SPEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" yells Billie once again, and everybody's OFF!
It's half the room to a table each and the other half has a couple of minutes at each table before a bell goes off and they have to move one table along and start all over again with the next person!
I, myself, have never had the pleasure of experiencing speed-dating.
Let alone BISEXUAL speed-dating.
(or ANY dating for that matter. But that's another, rather lengthy, story, for another time, when we all have a glass or two of vodka in usand I know you all MUCH better....)
But it does look kinda fun ;-)
Cue some cheesy elevator-style music, and the shots of the speed dating being sped up by 2 or 3 times the norm.
Everyone gets a tiny teeny amount of time and then it's BING! - onto the next person.
It slows down long enough for us to see Alice questioning one of her potential speed dates, and Helena telling one of her's what she's looking for in a woman.
Helena is clearly describing Dylan in EVERYTHING she says btw.
She even has that far-off look in her eye - like she's thinking of Dylan at the time!
Ahhh the smitten British kitten.....
Alice's potential woman says her girlfriend is there too (cue Alice turning round, spotting her waving) and Alice, at first is all nudge-nudge wink-wink, hehe, 'oooh a threesome!' etc
UNTIL the woman mentions she and her girlfriend are just there trying to find a sperm donor so they can start a family.
Uh-oh. Been there, done that with Tina and Bette and look how THAT'S turned out.
"I'm a little low on the sperm tonight.....little low on the sperm" quips our Alice! lol!
You gotta love our Alice ;-)
Then it's BING! - and we're off again speed dating folks!
The film speeds up again and everyone's changing tables to the right.
Suddenly we have Billie dragging Kit over to a table, with her protesting like a 5 year old:
"I am NOT bisexual speed-dating!!!!!"
LMAO!!!!! Classic! LOL!
"C'MON NOW, be a big girl and sit down!....." chides Billie, dumping her into a chair.
"....and YOU, young fellow-me-lad have FIVE minutes, c'mon!" and it's THEN we see ANGUS is on the other side of the table from Kit!
Hehehe! Nice one MANgus ;-)
Angus even has a name label on that says 'MANGUS'!!!! LOL! GREAT! lol!
He's sitting there with (from what I can tell) eyeliner on and his guitar in his lap, telling Kit that "this thing" that she's going through - i.e. the menopause - the change of life, is beautiful and it's sexy (wha? runthatpastmeonemoretimeMANgus?! lol!) and then he runs out of words, so picks up the guitar and starts to sing to Kit!
"Didn't know what I was waiting for
but my time was running wild, down dead end streets
Every time I think I got it made it seemed the taste was not so sweet!"
By this time, everyone in The Planet is looking at Angus and Kit's table and Kit looks like she wants a big hold to open up in the floor and swallow her whole! LMAO!