Girl Scouts.
GIRL SCOUTS OF SAN GORGONIO COUNCIL
1751 Plum Lane Redlands, CA 92374 (909) 307-6555 or (800) 400-4475
CONFLICT RESOLUTION TRAINING
PURPOSE:
OBJECTIVES:
01/2007
,To provide conflict resolution skills to enable participants to resolve conflicts at the lowest level.
List the 6 steps used in problem solving, Demonstrate the ability to listen
List 5 causes of conflict
Identify the 5 personal conflict response styles List 3 of the 6 steps used in resolution of conflicts
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TYPE
Assumptions
Definitions
Tonellnflection
Body Language
Distractions
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
OUTCOME
Many times this can lead to disagreements. Remember, FACTS lead to agreements.
The meaning of words varies based on an individual's background, experience, education, etc. Even though words only account for 7% of the communication process, sometimes they need to be clarified to avoid confusion.
Both have the potential to change the meaning of ANY idea one is attempting to communicate; tone of voice accounts for 38% of the communication process.
The facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and hand gestures of the individual delivering the message accounts for 55% of the communication process.
We can easily be distracted during a conversation due to the speech impediments, physical infirmities, body odor, or age of the other person involved. We need to stay focused on WHAT is being said.
The following are types of verbal blocks:
TYPE
Interrupting
Commanding
Giving Advice
Placating
Interrogating
Distracting
Psychologizing
Sarcasm
Moralizing
Know-it-all
DESCRIPTION
Constantly asking questions and not letting you finish.
Controlling the conversation and trying to provide a quick solution.
Influencing the conversation by arguing, giving opinions/advice.
Trying to take away the pain and emotion in the conversation to make the person feel better.
Interrupting while trying to get to the bottom of the problem and find out what the person did wrong.
Protecting the person from the problem by changing the subject.
Helping to prevent future problems by analyzing the behavior and explaining what they think their motives are.
Trying to show the other person how "wrong" their attitudes/behaviors are by making them feel ridiculous.
Trying to show the other person the "proper" way to deal with the problem.
Trying to convince the other person that they have come to the right person, they have all the resources needed to handle any problem.
H.O.#1
UnltedWau
ACTIVE COMMUNICATION
Active communication is a set of skills that allow an individual to support another handling their own problems. These skills can be learned and they can be steadily improved with practice. There are five skills involved:
1.Listen actively-keeping in mind the need to avoid the barriers to effective communication. The first step in active communication is not just being a passive receiver of information but an active participant in the communication process. You need to listen with your eyes as well as your ears, with your intuition as well as your thinking ability. Your object is listening actively to encourage the other person to express what they are thinking and feeling. Here is how:
a.Keep your own talk to a minimum-you are not listening when you are talking.
b.Give your full attention-this will help the other person feel encouraged by the attention alone. This attention says, "I care about you, you matter, I'm here to help."
c.Acknowledge what you are hearing-active listening is not characterized by absolute silence on the part of the listener. It helps to show that you understand; that you are taking it all in. You can say something as simple as "I see" now and then, or even "Umm-hmm". You can ask clarifying questions and you can paraphrase lengthy or complicated issues.
d.Listen with empathy-the art of sharing another's feelings. Allow yourself to feel some of what the other person is feeling. Indicate this through your tone of voice and facial expressions. Listen to the feelings beneath the words.
2.Listen for feelings-there are no wrong feelings. There are certainly unpleasant feelings and they often suggest mistaken attitudes or belief. Feelings simply are and they influence us, even more when we don't acknowledge and accept the. Acknowledging and accepting doesn't necessarily mean we act upon them. The key is to pause and reflect on our feelings before deciding what action to take. Like the old adage says, acknowledging our feelings is often the first step in dealing with the problem. When we listen with empathy for the feelings behind what the person is saying, we communicate the most powerful message of all; we care. An important principal of helping is this; no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Take the time to hear feelings and your caring will open the door to communication and problem solving.
H.O.#2
3.Connect feelings to content-when we actively listen to the content of what a person is saying and have an idea of what they are feeling, the next step is to reflect those feelings back to them. We become what psychologist Haim Ginott calls an "emotional mirror." Just as it isn't the job of the mirror to pass judgment about how we look or tell us what to do, our job is only to reflect the feelings of the other person and connect them to what they are saying. By reflecting feelings in tentative terms, i.e. "It sounds as though ... " we don't come across as a mind reader or know-it-all. And if we miss our guess as to what the other person is feeling, they can comfortably correct us. When we reflect the feelings accurately, an exciting thing happens - the other person nods their head in recognition and they feel comfortable continuing to share. They feel understood and cared for and maybe even understand themselves a little better. The communication path is now clearer and they are closer to finding an effective solution.
4.Look for alternatives and evaluate consequences-helping someone become an effective problem solver means helping them look at alternative solutions and weigh the potential consequences. Many times, merely helping the other person connect feelings and content is enough to suggest a solution. However, some problems are more difficult to deal with than others and require some action to remedy. Encourage the other person by asking questions such as; "What can you do about that?" helps them look at the possible alternatives themselves. At each alternative, help the other person look at possible consequences by asking, "What do you think would happy if you did that?" It is important to let the other person have final responsibility for deciding which alternative they will choose. Refrain from telling them what to do. When someone figures out what to do on their own, they feel an increased sense of self-esteem and can easily accept responsibility for their choices.
5.Follow up-before ending the conversation, it is often helpful to ask the person when they plan to carry out their solution. This can be done gently, with an understanding that even Einstein often needed time to think about new information before his course of action became clear. If possible, after the person has had an opportunity to handle the problem, follow up by asking how it turned out. By doing so you not only help the other person make sense of the total experience, but also confirm that your interest in them was genuine.
THREE LEVELS OF LISTENING
Level 1 -Active Communication
Listening to the meaning, offering empathy, being able to paraphrase what has been said.
Level 2 - Casual Communication
Listening to words but not understanding what the person is really saying.
Reasons for this: stress, tension, information overload, lack of energy, being judgmental or prejudiced.
Level 3 - "Non" Communication
Daydreaming, thinking about something else, totally unaware of what is being said.
Reasons: We can think faster than a person can speak so we let ourselves begin to daydream. People can talk at 200 to 300 words per minute. People can listen I think at 250 to 800 words per minute.
WE HAVE 2 EARS AND ONE MOUTH; SO WHY DO WE TALK SO MUCH WHEN WE HAVE TWICE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LISTEN???
H.G. #3
SIX STEPS IN PROBLEM SOLVING
1 - Identify the problem/cause
2 - List possible solutions
3 - Evaluate each solution listing pros and cons
4 - Select the "best" solution
5 - Test solution/try it
6 - Select another solution or start over to determine the "real" problem /cause
H.O.#4
CAUSES OF CONFLICT
- Difference of opinion
- Disagreement as to what happened
- Personality differences
- Control issues
- Power strugg les
- Differing values
- Personal agendas
- Rumors/untruths
- Misunderstanding
- Gossip
- Change
- Disagreement regarding objectives/activities
HoD. #5
FACILITATING CONFLICT
When conflict arises:
- Maintain responsibility and authority by not taking sides; neutrality of the leader is crucial in managing conflict
- Focus on the problem not the people or their personalities
- Practice active listening
- Point out that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to address concern; rather more practical or feasible way
- Help people understand that not everyone will be happy with the decisions made; people need to learn to accept without always offering approval.
Six Steps Used in Facilitating Conflict:
- Seek to understand the basis
- Seek to understand the cause
- Maintain open communication
- Listen objectively
- Remain neutral
- Avoid becoming part of "Us v. Them"
H.O.#9
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