General information about wish children
Asking the Magic Question – what is your wish
- Ask the question without suggesting specific wishes or giving the child a menu of choices from which to choose.
- Alwaysask the child for an alternate choice or two in case we are unable to grant the first wish.
- Do not up-sell - If a child wishes for an iPod, do not minimize and invalidate their wish, instead ask questions about what kind of music the child likes – collect information so we can put together the most perfect iPod wish for that child. By saying to wish bigger, you are basically saying to the child that “your wish is not good enough.”
- Do not put your ideas on to the child – this is the child’s wish and the child may have very different ideas about what is perfect than we do.
- Make no promises - There is always a possibility that the office may not be able to grant a child’s wish. Never assume that a wish will be granted as soon as you hear it. Many factors including the doctor’s medical authorization for the wish, the child’s health, Make-A-Wish scheduling, and the nature of the request will determine if the wish can be granted as requested.
- Do not tell the family that something cannot be done - Give the wish ideas to the wish coordinator – sometimes a volunteer may think something is not possible, but different circumstances and situations may deem it possible after all – present all of the child’s wish ideas to the office. If the child wishes for something you believe is not possible simply say that is a really unique/cool/etc. idea. Can you tell me more about why this is your wish. Once you provide this to the wish coordinator they will help share options or alternatives if necessary.
- Ask “what” and “how” questions. When the child states what his or her wish is, you can acknowledge “What a great wish!” And then ask your wish child “How did you decide on this wish?
Meeting a child in the hospital
Ground rules for visiting a child who is in the hospital:
- A child’s bed:While a child is in the hospital, a child’s bed is often a very private place. Don’t sit on it unless you are invited. It represents a safe place and is their only personal space in a very public place.
- Don’t bring food as an icebreaker gift: A child may have medication that affects his or her mouth, be on a restricted diet or have an allergy. In addition, certain foods can easily induce nausea to a child receiving chemotherapy. Nausea can also be triggered by flowers, aftershave or perfume. There is also a possibility that germs or small bugs could be brought in on flowers or fruit.
- Always wash your hands: Compromised immune systems that can’t effectively fight off bacteria leave a child vulnerable to even the slightest infection. Washing your hands is the simplest way to protect the child from unwanted germs. If a place to wash your hands is not available, use an antibacterial gel before coming into contact with your wish child.
- Mylar balloons: Mylar balloons (the shiny ones) are the only type of balloons allowed in the hospital. Many children have latex allergies and can’t be around this type of balloons.
- Let the parents be the caregivers: If you are ever faced with a situation where the child needs assistance for any reason, allow the parents or healthcare professional to do the care giving. You do not want to put the child or yourself at risk for any reason.
Rush Wishes
Rush wishes occur when the doctor notifies us that there is a medical need to grant a child’s wish quickly. When a RUSH wish is brought to our attention it is assigned differently. Usually you will get a call from the volunteer manager asking you to help on this special wish. When you receive a call like this, you need to be sure your heart and mind are ready for the impact these wishes can have. A rush wish can be challenging on the heart, but at the same time, very meaningful. The same wish granting process takes place for a rush wish as for a regular wish (except it usually happens within a matter of days). There are a few instances where a wish will turn into a rush wish after volunteers have been assigned. In these cases, the staff will work very closely with volunteers to complete the wish. If you accept a rush wish, be sure you have the time to devote to it. You can always turn down a call to work on a wish. You are the best judge of your time and heart. The expectation for a RUSH wish is that the volunteers will contact each other immediately, and will contact the family within a couple of hours of receiving the Wish.
Children who do not speak
If the child can’t speak, there is likely an alternate method of communication (blinking, tapping, and smiling) that will be utilized to determine the perfect wish for the child. In these cases, staff and volunteers will work with the child, social worker and family to determine a wish that is cognitively and chronologically appropriate for the child. Please consider creating a communication profile for non-speaking children which is a helpful tool when working with the child and family.
For more ideas and tools for communicating with children about their wish, please contact your Wish Coordinator.
Death of a Wish Child
There are few human experiences more devastating than the death of a child, and there is no one “right” way to deal with the experience. If a child passes away before their wish is granted, the wish will not be completed. If a child dies after the wish has been completed, please let the office know as soon as possible, so that we can make note of it in our records. If we find out about the child passing, we will contact you as soon as possible.
On very rare occasions, a wish child may pass while on a wish trip away from home. If this happens and the family notifies you, please contact a Make-A-Wish representative immediately. We have processes in place to assist the family. The staff will work with the family directly to arrange the details needed to bring the family and child home.
Occasionally, the family may request that you attend the child’s funeral, or perhaps you may decide to attend the funeral on your own. It is important that you examine your own feelings about death and determine what is most comfortable for you. If you do not feel comfortable attending, please do not feel compelled to go. We would never ask you to participate in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you do decide to attend the funeral, be a good listener. Allow family and friends to work through their grief by talking about the child. If you were very close to the child you might want to share some of the happy experiences that you recall from helping to grant the child’s wish.