FRUIT OF RELATING WISELY TO OTHERS
James 3:13-18
Fruit Of The Spirit Message Series
June 26, 2016
Pastor Nathan J. Thompson
We’re completing our Message Series this morning by focusing on, “Fruit Of Relating Wisely ToOthers.” Truth is our whole focus these past weeks on the “Fruit Of The Spirit,” has allowed us to look at how God’s Spirit working in the good soil of our hearts has the power to bring forth fruit which empowers us to live (behave) more wisely with others.
Everyday you and I encounter people who are difficult to live with. Therefore we need to learn how to deal with these people without conflict. James 3:18 says, “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” In other words what you sow you reap. We either sow seeds of anger or trust; seeds of conflict or peace.
How exactly do you plant seeds of peace in your relationships? We do this by being wise toward people. Have any of you noticed how uncommon common sense is these days? Individuals do not often relate very well to each other. In fact sometimes individuals do the exact opposite of what they really need to do for others.
The book of James in the New Testament defines real wisdom; he details how it operates with these words, “This wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (Vs. 17) These six characteristics remind us of what wisdom is all about.
This means wisdom is a lifestyle; it is a way you relate to others. It has more to do with your actions than your words. It’s your character, not your intelligence. On the other hand a lack of wisdom causes problems with relationships. When you're unwise toward your spouse; your kids; your neighbors and friends it often causes problems.
Therefore this morning we’re going to do a wisdom test to see how wise you are in the way you relate to others. First, if you're wise you won’t compromise your integrity; that’s the bottom line. It means being authentic; not lying; not cheating. It is building a relationship on complete trust.
Dr. Leonard Keeler, the inventor of the lie detector, came to the conclusion after interviewing 25,000 people on this machine that people lie. As a result he said that’s why there are so many bad relationships. If you're wise you will not compromise your integrity.
Second, if you're wise you won’t antagonize your anger. Wise people work at maintaining harmony; they are peace loving. Some people love to be argumentative; it’s their nature. Yet Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start an argument. The wise thing is to stay out of them.”
Any individual who has been married more than two years knows exactly the hot buttons of your mate; you know very well what will make them angry. Therefore when you get in a good argument you know what words (tone of voice; hurtful memory; accusation) will push their buttons and make them blow up. The Bible tells us that doing this is very foolish.
Two things that always cause anger. One is comparing: “Why can’t you be more like; you’rejust like.” The second thing is condemning: “It’s your fault…You ought…You always…Younever…You should.” Lots of marriages; families; relationships are stifled by these personal digs.
Third, if you're wise you won’t minimize someone's feelings. Considerate means to be mindful of the feelings of others. It is important to remember that feelings are neither right nor wrong. If someone is feeling a certain way accept it, don’t minimize it. Also, don’t try to be a psychologist trying to figure them out; simply be sympathetic.
If you're wise you will not minimize your integrity—you won’t lie, cheat, compromise. You won’t antagonize another person's anger because wisdom is peace loving. Don't minimize their feelings even if they don’t make sense to you; simply accept them.
Four, if you're wise you won’t criticize another person's suggestions. Wise people can learn from anyone; they are not defensive; they’re teachable. Most individuals are so sensitive to criticism and suggestions that they rarely learn anything; that’s why so many people don’t become wise.
One time President Lincoln was criticized for changing his mind from one day to the next; when you’re a politician that’s called flip flopping. Lincoln said, “I don’t think much of the man who isnot wiser today than he was yesterday.” Give people the freedom to change their mind.
Five, if you're wise you won’t emphasize someone's mistakes. “Wisdom is full of mercy.” Do you jump on every fault or blunder? Do you get a thrill out of watching people stumble or flub up? Do you easily let that stuff go or do you often like to bring up stuff from the past?
Real friends don’t rub it in; they rub it out. They don’t keep harping on all your mistakes. Being merciful then is giving people what they need not what they deserve. If God himself gave us what we deserve not one of us would be here today. Therefore God wants us to treat all people with mercy. Our calling is not to judge people; it is to encourage them.
Six, if you're wise you won’t disguise your own weaknesses. In other words, you won’t try to play the phony; fake it; try to be something you're not. One thing people like us often say is that we just don’t like people who are hypocrites; yet how often with others do we fake who we really are?
What is a hypocrite? Hypocrite was a Greek theater term; an actor was often called a hypocrite. What he would do is play several different parts. He would come out wearing one mask and play that part; then he’d go and put on another mask and play another part. In a typical Greek tragedy or comedy, one actor would often play five or six parts; he pretended.
The point is that wise people don’t try to fake it; they’re not phonies. They’re open, sincere, genuine, real, authentic. You can see them warts and all. They’re not trying to hide their big secret sins and faults; rather they let people know where they are growing and struggling.
This one honest revelation alone would improve so many relationships. Would you agree that there is a lot of phoniness in relationships today? In many organizations (businesses; social clubs; communities; even churches) the politics are often incredible? People saying one thing to one person; saying something totally different to someone else.
Certain studies have found that one of the phoniest places in America is a singles bar. In singles bars everyone has plastic smiles and are checking each other out. Yet it’s all ridiculous and phony; people appreciate honesty. When you yourself are open and honest it helps other people be open and honest. They will more often level with you because you’re not trying to be someone you are not.
How then did you rate on this wisdom test; how wise are you? How wise are you in the way you relate to your kids; spouse; friends at school; people at work? Do you compromise your integrity? Do you say one thing to someone and another thing to someone else?
How about being an antagonist? Even though you know the hot buttons of certain people do you refrain from pushing them? Even when you’d just love to get back at someone do you refuse to pull out your arsenal of weapons to hurt them? That’s the wise thing to do.
Do you minimize the feelings of others or are you considerate? Are you open to suggestions? Rate yourself on a scale of one to ten. Are you open or closed to suggestions; somewhere in between? Do you emphasize another person's mistakes; do you love to rub it in? We need to remember that it is our own insecurity that leads us to put others down in order to try and build ourselves up.
If you're wise you won’t disguise your own weaknesses. If you go from this worship this morning and vow that you are going to be open and honest with others about your weaknesses get ready for a big surprise. You’ll find that most of the people around you already know; God already knows. You’re the only one who has been trying to hide them.
Dear friends, wisdom comes from knowing God. It comes from looking to him; it is a gift from God. Then how do you get it? The first thing is that you need to go home and pray this week, “God, help me to be wise in the way I relate to my spouse; my children; my friends. God, help me to be wisein the way I work with people in business; in community activities; in the way I act toward enemies.” Ask God for wisdom.
The second thing is to allow Jesus and his Holy Spirit develop your wisdom from within. As I have reminded your many times these past weeks it is only as you go deeper in God’s Word; in caring relationships; in giving and serving that this fruit will boil and bubble over in you. It only comes as you develop; as you grow deeper in your relationship with Jesus.
If you have never completely opened your life to Jesus; if you would like to renew your commitment to Christ please pray with me, “Jesus, come into my life. I want to follow you each day. I want to receive your wisdom, your love, your forgiveness. I need you, Jesus, in everything I do. Thank you for claiming me by your grace and making me your child. Amen.