FOM Bible Study on Marriage

Teacher’s Notes

Lesson 8: Divorce

I don’t know what to say about this class other than that I am NOT qualified to teach it. I will appreciate your patience and understanding as we try to tackle this very difficult topic. I want to start by facing the fact that, we live in a sinful and imperfect world. While God’s plan is that a man and woman should join in matrimony for life, God’s perfect plans don’t always work out in this sinful world. So …

Sometimes Marriages End in Divorce:

When is it wrong to amputate? When is it appropriate? When is it wrong to kill another person? When is it appropriate? When is it wrong to hurt a child? When is it appropriate? Good example here is Marlene “choking” Bob. These illustrate that sometimes it is appropriate to perform a normally undesirable act for the greater good.

Divorce is a serious choice – there are so many problems and hardships that it can cause – but sometimes it is an appropriate option. How is divorce the right choice in the following cases?

  • Abuse (Exodus 20:13 vs. Mark 10:9)
  • When “thou shall not murder” conflicts with “let no man break apart what God has joined together”
  • Exodus 20:13
    "You shall not murder.
  • Matthew 19:6
    So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
    (Whole Chapter: Matthew 19In context: Matthew 19:5-7)
  • Adultery (Matthew 19:1-8)
  • Only cause specifically sanctioned by the Jesus.
  • Matthew 19: 1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
    3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
    4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[1] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[2] ? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
    7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
    8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
  • Abandonment
  • Marriage is a union of two (2) people. It is IMPOSSIBLE to have a marriage where only one partner participates. When one spouse abandons the marriage, then sometimes there is nothing the other spouse can do to keep it going.

Note that even these abuses can be sometimes be forgiven. Hosea 1:2-3; 3:1-4.

When should Divorce NOT be considered:

When marriage is hard.(1 Corinthians 10:13)

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

No temptation is beyond your grasp.

When “I just don’t love him/her anymore.” (John 13:34)

John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

. Since love is a commandment and God would not command us to do the impossible, then we must be capable of loving one another.

“I need to find myself.”

This is just silly.

Do not think of divorce as an option

We need to approach marriage with the idea that divorce is not an option.

Just because we don’t consider it as an option, does not mean that it is never an option (see above). Try this example – in some rare cases killing is an option. If your very own child decided that he was going to hijack a plane and fly it into the twin towers, the only option to stop him may be that you must kill him. In this case killing your child is the right and moral choice even though it is a very hard act. However, just because killing is in some extreme cases an option, when you are dealing with others you do not even consider this as an option until it IS the only remaining option.

  • How does a pre-nuptial agreement contradict this idea?
  • Have you ever heard it said in regards to marriage, “Well if it doesn’t work out we can always get a divorce”? How does this doom a marriage to failure?

How to Prevent Divorce:

There is no magic formula to make a marriage work. However, many times a divorce is a result of a gradual separation and deterioration of a marriage rather than an abrupt change.

The sad case of David and Michal.

David and Michal's marriage had a strike going against it right from the start. What was a potential source of conflict as you examine their courtship in 1 Samuel 18:20-29.

How did this potential turn actual very quickly? 1 Samuel 19:11

Read through "the last straw" in David and Michal's marriage. 2 Samuel

6:16-23. What was the stated reason for Michal's anger?

What was the real reason(s)?

For what reason do you think David brought up his relationship to God?

Translate David's sharp words of vs. 21-22 into terms that sound more like quarrels you've heard.

Why do you think v. 23 occurred?

Understanding and Meeting Our Spouse’s needs:

(As discussed last week) one of the best ways to prevent a divorce is to keep your spouse happy. This requires understanding your spouse’s needs and meeting them.

The first step to meeting your spouse’s needs is to understand what they are – and that requires Communication – speaking the same language Give programming example (Ephesians 4:15, 25-26). Need to communicate our needs to our souse even if it means they may get angry.

Ephesians 4: 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"[1] : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

The five love languages:[1]

Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Gifts

Acts of Service

Willard Harley describes meeting our spouse’s needs in terms of a “Love Bank”[2]. Plutonium is a much more potent fuel source than gasoline. Why don’t we put plutonium in our cars? In the same manner, we need to find out what our spouse values and make these deposits into their love bank. Describe what type of person would require each of the following needs and how you would meet those:

Affection / Sexual Fulfillment / Conversation / Honesty and Openness
Domestic support / Family Commitment / Admiration

AUTHOR:Mary Kay Blakely

QUOTATION:Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.

ATTRIBUTION:Quoted in Parade 12 Jul 87

QUOTATION:Divorce these days is a religious vow, as if the proper offspring of marriage.

ATTRIBUTION:Tertullian (c. 150–230), Roman church father. Apologeticus, VI.6.

AUTHOR:Margaret Atwood

QUOTATION:A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you.

ATTRIBUTION:Time 19 Mar 73

Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Robin Williams (1951 - )

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Richard Jeni

However often marriage is dissolved, it remains indissoluble. Real divorce, the divorce of heart and nerve and fiber, does not exist, since there is no divorce from memory.
Virgilia Peterson (1904 - 1966) US writer, TV celebrity
"A Matter of Life and Death," 1961.
=R Found in: one/2121a.htm

So many people think divorce a panacea for every ill, who find out, when they try it, the remedy is worse than the disease.
Dorothy Dix (1870 - 1951) US journalist, writer
"Dorothy Dix, Her Book," 1926.
=A Found in: one/1119.htm

(available on-line at 22, 2003

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[1] Gary P. Chapman, The Five Love Languages, Moody Publishers; (1992)

[2] Willard F. Harley Jr, His Needs Her Needs, Baker / Revell Co; (March 2001)