Five Day e-Program for Singles:
How to Find the Love of your Life
Note to RCI member – how to use this program:
Purpose:
This program was developed for you to use as an opt-in offer on your website to provide value and generate qualified leads for your coaching practice. You will need to have an autoresponder system in place. We recommend
How to use:
This document was created in Microsoft Word, however, it is recommended that you copy the document into a text editor, such as Notepad prior to entering into your autoresponder system. There are 5 emails in this series to be sent out 1 per day (or spaced apart as you wish) for 5 days – simply create an autoresponder for this program and install each one into your autoresponder system.
Customization:
The installments will need to be customized before using, however, the amount you customize is entirely up to you.
At minimum, you will need to add your name, website, and replace Dear “{FIRSTNAME}” with the merge code for a first name from your autoresponder system.
You may also want to change some of the links to the RCI website to your site instead. For instance, on Day one, we suggest the reader takes the Relationship Readiness Quiz. The link provided takes the reader to the quiz on the Conscious Dating website. If you have the Quiz installed on your site, simply change the link to take the reader to the quiz on your website. Or you can remove this recommendation entirely. It's up to you.
Feel free to change the language or offers as you’d like.
Day #1 Email:
Subject Line:
[Conscious Dating] Welcome to the How to Find the Love of Your Life e-course!
Dear {FIRSTNAME},
Welcome to the How To Find the Love of Your Life e-course. This 5-day Conscious Dating® e-program will introduce you to the information and skills needed to find and have a successful life partnership.
I acknowledge you for participating in this e-program as you are demonstrating your willingness to learn, grow, be intentional and conscious in this important area of your life. You're already on your way to finding the love of your life!
In this e-program, and through my tele-classes and coaching programs, I appreciate the opportunity to support you and help you have the life and relationship that you really want. Here’s what to expect for the next 5 days:
Day One: Becoming Ready to Find the Love of Your Life
Day Two: Dating Strategies for Finding the Love of Your Life
Day Three: Four Steps of Conscious Dating®
Day Four: Where to Find the Love of Your Life
Day Five: Making Contact: The Power Introduction
Let's get started!
Day One: Becoming Ready to Find the Love of Your Life
To begin, there are two important things for you to know:
- Your Readiness Status
- Your Dating Strategy
As you might guess, your dating strategy will depend upon your readiness status. It may be a novel concept for you to think of whether or not you are “ready” for a relationship. Because you WANT something does not necessarily mean you are ready for it. Too many relationships fail because of a shaky foundation when one or both partners are not ready for a committed relationship.
Actions to take:
1. Join the Conscious Dating Online Community for FREE at access many of the resources recommended in this e-program
2. Take the Relationship Readiness Quizat assess your readiness for a relationship.
Make a note of the areas that you think might interfere with the success of a relationship and list some goals for each area.
Determine your Readiness Status. Did you get a “Red Light,” “Yellow Light,” or “Green Light?” If you got a Red or Yellow light, we recommend “Dating Strategy #1: Recreational Dating” (see below).
If you got a Green light, congratulations! You are ready and available for a committed relationship. We recommend “Dating Strategy #2: Finding Your Life Partner, which we’ll cover tomorrow.
Dating Strategy #1 – Recreational Dating
Recreational dating is when singles meet and date for fun andsocialization, without future expectations.
This is kind of like working for a temporary agency in-between jobs and enjoying the variety and learning of short-term assignments before you decide your next career move. This is a useful form of dating for singles, who, for one reason or another, are not ready for a committed relationship.
For recreational dating to work, both parties must be on the same page. Physical and emotional boundaries are needed that can be different for each individual, such as level of sexual involvement, whether to be exclusive or not, expected time commitment, whether to involve your “friend” with your children, and one partner wanting more involvement than the other wants or is ready for.
Deciding upon and keeping these boundaries can be difficult for singles who, ready or not, would rather be in a relationship. Many failed relationships are the result of singles seeking to meet their immediate physical and emotional needs and not learning the skills and exercising the self-discipline needed to date recreationally while becoming ready for a committed relationship.
It can be challenging to keep boundaries and be nonexclusive when your ultimate desire is to find your soul mate.
Recreational dating can function to help prepare you for a committed relationship. It can be a valuable learning laboratory for practicing relationship skills, gaining relationship experience, and increasing self-awareness of relationship needs. The characteristics of recreational dating include:
- Purpose:Fun, satisfy social needs
- Focus:Meeting short-term needs while working toward long-termgoals beyond the relationship
- Screening Criteria:Compatibility for having fun
- Nonexclusive:Open to dating more than one person at a time
- Limited involvement, keeping boundaries around sex, time,emotional investment, present and future expectations
- Typically consciously chosen and clearly understood by both parties
Bonus #1: Here’s what NOT to do…
By contrast, the dating strategy of many singles today is the “Mini-Marriage.”
The mini-marriage results from acting committed and being exclusive before you are ready for a committed relationship, or doing so with someone whom you don't consider a likely long-term partner choice. We have heard singles humorously refer to this relationship as “the one-night stand that never left.”
People who are not ready for commitment but are in exclusive relationships interfere with their ability to:
- Build the life they really want
- Become ready for the relationship they really want, and
- Attract the partner they really want
Mini-marriages are typically driven by need, fear, and unconsciousness:
- Need for companionship
- Fear of being alone
- Fear that you can't get what you really want
- Lack of awareness of your readiness status and of how to get your social and relationship needs met effectively.
This is like accepting your first job offer, not wanting to pass it up because you need a job, ignoring the red flags and crossing your fingers that it will work out.
Characteristics of a Mini-Marriage include:
- Purpose: to meet physical, social, emotional needs priorto a committed relationship or when commitment is not desired;sometimes to “test drive” a relationship and see if it is a goodlong-term choice.
- Focus: meeting short-term needs, unclear about future of relationship
- One or both partners are unsure about the relationship or don't consider it to be a good long-term choice
- One or both partners are not ready for a committed relationship
- Exclusive, appears committed to the observer
- Typically early (even immediate) emotional and physical involvement with few boundaries
- Typically unconscious: partners are unaware of and don't discuss the above
Bonus #2 – The 14 Dating Traps
Before you get too far, it’s important to learn aboutthe “14 Dating Traps” and how to avoid them. Access them here:
Coming up in our series:
Keep an eye on your email inbox tomorrow for Day Two: Dating Strategies for Finding the Love of Your Life.
Until tomorrow,
{your signature}
Conscious Dating® 5-Day e-Program for Singles: How to Find the Love of Your Life
© 2011 Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved /
Day #2 Email:
Subject Line:
[Conscious Dating] Dating Strategies for Finding the Love of Your Life
Dear {FIRSTNAME},
Welcome to the second installment of your Conscious Dating® 5 Day e-Program “How to Find the Love of Your Life.”
If you received a “Green Light” on your Relationship Readiness Quiz and are ready and available for a committed relationship, we recommend “Dating Strategy #2: Finding the Love of Your Life” – a very different approach from Recreational Dating or the Mini-Marriage.
This form of dating is like interviewing potential employers to find just the right fit of company and job opportunity for your career.
The paradox of this form of dating is that you must be a free agent, staying single and available to find the partner who is right for you and meets your requirements, in addition to having chemistry.
The challenge of this form of dating is to keep attractive potential life partners at an appropriate distance while you are in the process of scouting, sorting, screening, and testing. The characteristics of this dating strategy include:
1. Purpose: to find life partner
2. Focus: long-term, building desired future
3. Screening Criteria: must meet requirements
4. Seeking exclusive relationship
5. Gradually decreasing boundaries/increasing emotional investment
6. Typically consciously chosen process and strategies, clearly
communicated to potential partners
For this dating strategy to work, you must be very clear about who you are and what you want, including your vision for your life and relationship, your life purpose, your requirements, needs, and wants.
Actions to take:
1. Review the 10 Principles of Conscious Dating at
- Note the areas you might want to improve to enhance your likelihood for success in finding your life partner.
- List some goals in each area.
2. Determine your Relationship Requirements, Needs, and Wants. For definitions of these terms visit-
- Make a list of your non-negotiable requirements
- Make a list of your needs
- Make a list of your wants
Coming up in our series:
Keep an eye on your email inbox tomorrow for Day Three: Four Steps of Conscious Dating
Until tomorrow,
{your signature}
Conscious Dating® 5-Day e-Program for Singles: How to Find you’re the Love of Your Life
© 2011 Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved /
Day #3 Email:
Subject Line:
[Conscious Dating] Four Steps of Conscious Dating
Dear {FIRSTNAME },
Welcome to the third installment of your Conscious Dating® 5-Day Program “How to Find the Love of your Life.”
Okay, you’re ready to find the Love of Your Life – now what? I’d like to introduce you to the four steps of Conscious Dating: Scouting, Sorting, Screening, and Testing.
1. Scouting:
Finding prospective partners to meet. This process is on-going until you find a partner.
Actions to take:
Take a few minutes to think about the places and activities where you can meet potential partners. Do you like to read? Maybe your perfect mate is involved in the local book club. Interested in health and nutrition? Take a look while you’re shopping at the Farmer’s Market. Recruit trusted friends and family to scout for you.
2. Sorting:
Determining when you first meet someone if you have enough in common to proceed further. Ideally, this process would only take 5-10 minutes, so you are using your time efficiently and not getting involved with people you have nothing in common with.
Actions to take:
List your top three requirements and brainstorm ways to discover in the first five minutes of talking with someone whether they meet them or not.
3. Screening:
Gathering enough information about a prospective partner to determine if your requirements would be met with them. This process usually takes 2-3 weeks, and it can be hard to take it slow and hold your boundaries when you are excited about the possibilities and attracted to someone! This can be done over coffee, telephone and e-mail exchanges, etc. Avoid “dating” at this point if you don’t want to fall into a “mini-marriage.”
Actions to take:
Decide TODAY that you are okay with saying “No” a lot! Most people you meet will NOT be a good fit. This is normal, expected, and not a reason to feel discouraged. Remember, saying “No” to what you don’t want is actually saying “Yes” to what you really want!
4. Testing:
Testing your requirements and experiencing how they are actually met (or not) with a prospective partner. Let’s say that one of your requirements is that your partner share your religious affiliation. Even if they say they are also (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc.) do their actions support this claim? Is their commitment to their faith compatible with yours?
This phase does involve getting together and “dating,” however with a single mindset. Your goal is to stay single and learn more about this prospective partner, not to become an “instant couple.”
Actions to take:
Decide TODAY that you are not going to bargain your way into a relationship. If your inner voice is saying, “He/she isn’t perfect, but…”, then you need to be okay with saying “No”. They deserve to be with someone who wants them 100%, as do you!
Coming up in our series:
Keep your eye on your email inbox tomorrow, as we will cover“Attraction Venues,” the places where you scout for potential partners.
Until tomorrow,
{your signature}
Conscious Dating® 5-Day e-Program for Singles: How to Find you’re the Love of Your Life
© 2011 Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved /
Day #4 Email:
Subject Line:
[Conscious Dating] Where to Find the Love of Your Life
Dear {FIRSTNAME},
Welcome to the fourth installment of your Conscious Dating® 5-Day Program “How to Find the Love of your Life.”
Day Four: Where to find the Love of your Life
In our Conscious Dating® program we help you identify your 'Attraction Venues', which are the places to meet the kind of people you want to meet.
We identify Four Levels of Attraction Venues:
Level One:
Public places such as the supermarket, post office, art and wine festival, etc, with a great diversity of people. Finding the life partner you are looking for in these settings is possible, but not very likely.
Action to take:
Brainstorm a list of the public settings you regularly visit. Are you friendly? Do people know you by name?
While not a likely place to find your life partner, you will benefit by being open and friendly with people wherever you are -- you never know!
Level Two:
Generic singles settings such as singles bars, singles clubs and events, etc. I would also include personal ads here, because all you really know about the people that advertise or contact you through your ad is that they are single, and then you don't really even know that anymore, do you?
While your odds increase in these settings because you can meet more singles, these are still low likelihood settings, as many frustrated singles will attest.
Action to take:
Brainstorm a list of the singles settings in your area and on the internet. Choose to participate in the settings that seem to attract the kind of people you want to hang out with. Eliminate the settings in which you feel uncomfortable with the people there.
Level Three:
These are settings in which you share a strong interest with everyone there, such as ski clubs, bike clubs, yoga classes, etc. These are settings which you would go to make friends and have fun, regardless of finding a partner.
If you do not meet the kind of potential partners you are looking for, you can still form friendships and network-- your friends are your best scouts, and people that you would want for friends are more likely to know someone good for you to meet.
Don't just focus on “meet markets”' and get discouraged if a setting doesn't have the man or woman you are looking for. Have fun, make friends, and by living a life that is fulfilling and interesting to you, you will attract the people you want in your life. “'Birds of a feather flock together.”
Action to take:
List your interests and hobbies and research the settings that offer them, such as classes and clubs. Then, sign up for some!
Level Four:
These are settings in which you share important values, goals, and/or passions with everyone there, such as your church, service clubs, personal growth venues, etc. These are highly individual and can sometimes be a challenge to find, but the good news is that you can create your own (“Build it and they will come!”).