Fist Things First by Nikki Reimer

“fist things first” by Nikki Reimer. Wrinkle Press, Vancouver: 2009

fist things first –

above all you’ve got to keep your foot on straight

pull up your ass keep your toes on the prize cut off your mother to spite your face

leap before you pee turn the other kidney waist high in skin

deep boner on the tube them bones in your eye

cartoon porn in the inbox rivals eDiets and brand name bodies glisten

listen, flatulence sells

she has her mother’s cock

chill to the tips of his teeth

a fist up yr eye

all respectable parts come in pairs:

2 eyes ears lips (sets) elbows quads calves ankles wrists balls (collector sets)

mangoes apples pears oranges gold knockers silver balls and prune plums

a bird in the hand worth 2 in the bush

far too many obscene

cakeholes

not to be confused with:

spanking the monkey, jerking the fish, grating the donkey, squeegee the cow

to water, pump the iguana, lord it over the kingfisher, smack the potato, waltz

the Titanic, spring clean dead chickens and the horse you rode in on

he has a spine but we found him lacking in a femur well

urethra like or ya don’t

(this punning would not be indulged if you had prostrate problems)

too often lost in my iris cornea

glaucoma elbows weary from raising a nation of obese fatty fatty 2 by 4

wrists overdeveloped from years of Duke Nukem and jacking off to Pammy’s

tits tits tits! we all want supersize

get in line a national treasure in plasticine parts fresh off the line

assemble at home assemble at work assemble your kids before McDick’s

steady rice and veggies all you needed to ward off cardiovascular disease cuz

the body always leads to food – supermodels crave the physique

of starving Sudanese but without the flies and death

wanted a pear shape but fresh out that year scientists suspect girls

are hitting puberty is hitting back hormones in the other white meat or overfeeding

nudity is nothing to be ashamed of but Reubens loved

your Jennie Craig before pics

I started bleeding at ten and a half until they explained the respiratory system

it all starts with the kneebone connected to my Baba’s first period

in the middle of a baseball game, she wrapped rags in her knickers

and kept playing