EnglishWriting2017

Sampleassessmenttask and draft annotatedstudentresponses

This sample assessment task and accompanying annotated student responses are provided to support senior secondary English teaching and learning programs. It is understood that throughout the teaching year that all elements of the criterion will be addressed in teaching and learning programs to enable summative assessment.

The cross sectoral English Standards Leadership Group has developed the following set of draft standards to Module specific criteria and elements to illustrate module specific standards. The draft annotations represent one way of approaching assessment design and response.

Response format:Analytical – Reflective Statement

Criterionassessed

  • Criterion 5: Evaluate personal writing styles and techniques
  • Elements 1,2,3,4, 6 7

Assessment Task

Thestudentworkpresented in thissampleisin response to an assessmenttask

Task: English Writing Folio – Reflective Statement

Length: 1000

Summary of Task

Students completed this task as an externally assessed Folio

Assessment task-specific criteriamatrix

Studentresponseshave beenmatched to task-specificcriteria and standards;those which bestdescribe the studentworkin thissample are shown below.For more information aboutthe course,criteria and standards,see relevant course information at:

Criterion 5: evaluate personal writing styles and techniques

  • This criterion is both internally and externally assessed.
  • The learner reflects on sources of inspiration, evaluates own texts, and edits in response to considered feedback.

The learner:

Rating A / Rating B / Rating C
E1 describes sources of ideas, themes, characters and plots used in own texts, and critically analyses their scope and relevance to intended audience / E1 describes sources of ideas, themes, characters and plots used in own texts, and analyses their scope and relevance to intended audience / E1identifies and describes sources of ideas, themes, characters and plots used in own texts
E2 identifies the purpose of own texts, intended audiences’ context, and analyses the relationship between purpose and audience / E2 describes the purpose of own texts and intended audiences’ context / E2 identifies the purpose of own texts and some aspects of intended audiences’ context
E3 analyses features of own use of language and stylistic features, literary conventions, genre and structure, and evaluates choices with reference to purpose and audience / E3 analyses features of own use of language and stylistic features, literary conventions, genre and structure, and justifies choices with reference to purpose and audience / E3 identifies features of own use of language and stylistic features, literary conventions, genre and structure, and relates choices to purpose and audience
E4 evaluates how relationships between content, structure, voice and perspective shape meaning, and evaluates presentation / E4 analyses the relationships between content, structure, voice and point of view, and evaluates presentation / E4 considers effectiveness of content and presentation
reflects on feedback from others, evaluates its relevance, and edits texts to effectively address relevant issues / reflects on feedback from others, analyses its relevance, and edits texts to address relevant issues / edits texts in response to feedback from others
E6 analyses how and why writing styles and techniques of others have been used/borrowed, rejected or modified in own texts / E6 analyses how and why writing styles and techniques of others have been used/borrowed in own texts / E6 identifies and describes how writing styles and techniques of others have been used/borrowed in own texts
E7 correctly uses a wide range of specialist terms* and nuanced language in analysis of own texts and writing style(s). / E7 correctly uses a wide range of specialist terms* in analysis of own texts and writing style(s). / E7 correctly uses a limited range of specialist terms* in discussion of own texts and writing style(s).

*‘specialist terms’ refers to metalanguage and terms such as those used to describe literary techniques, devices, schemes and trope.

Studentresponse—Sample 1

The annotationsshowthematch to the assessment task-specificstandards.

Comments

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Sample

It[DLL1] is my belief that people need to be encouraged to think beyond themselves, beyond their home and state and beyond what immediately impacts them. These beliefs provide the foundation for my work.
“On a Street Pole in Texas”, a short story, prompts readers to examine the way change in society is managed. The story line loosely follows the biblical journey of Jesus and predicts what it may look like in modern society. It is written using a third person perspective as this allows me not only to gain empathy for the main character Yeshua (Jesus in Hebrew) but also to give insight into a number of prominent characters’ personalities and reactions. It provides a broader view point allowing various perspectives to be presented which will further challenge the readers thinking.
Speech and conversation is a primary technique used in “On a Street Pole in Texas”. It provides insight into the unfolding situation. For instance, when Yeshua is engaging with the crowd emotive speech is used in an attempt to rally those present. “Acceptance of all will change our streets, our homes, our schools and communities. By changing not just the rules, but people’s attitudes, a positive difference will be made. Difference is not something to be feared, it should be supported and encouraged.”Yeshua is preaching, much as Jesus did, but he is preaching for changes that are considered to be against biblical principles. The underlying story of Jesus strengthens the message by demonstrating how little society has changed. The plot correlates with the story of Christ’s later years highlighting similarities and intensifying the irony. The narrative does address sensitive issues and may be offensive due to its confronting nature, however the nature of the story is imperative for the piece to have the desired impact.
My Poetry Anthology comprises a collection of three free verse poems. My study of poets and poetryhas expanded my knowledge of words and shown how careful selection of words that are evocative and have connotation can impact a piece.
“Affection” uses simple words for effect.It is inspired by poems written by William Carlos and Carl Sandberg. Though some of their poetry appears simple they convey complex ideas and vivid imagery.The simile, "locked together like lovers" is used in “affection” to show the closeness between a child and a dog. This portrays the all-encompassing selfless love of animal and child. The use of one word of speech ("peekaboo") is also used to capture the essence of childhood.
“The Gardener”, based on my Mum, is about a woman and the impact of both city life and country life. The poem is an extended metaphor as the plants can be viewed not just as plants but asrepresentations of her children. The words “nurture” and “preserve” support both interpretations of the poem. I have used a simile, “squats grasshopper like” to give a visual image of how she squats but also the impression that she jumps from one garden bed to another in an energetic manner.
“At Home in Rags and Travel Bags”, explores homelessness.It takes advantage of numerous techniques, one being enjambment, which is used in all my free verse poems. Enjambment ensures a steady flow of movement and meaning. The opening line of this poem uses both alliteration and assonance to create a somber atmosphere. The alliteration continues to add emphasis and musicality with lines like, “sweater sleeves”, “brisk bite”, or “bulb bearing”. Onomatopoeia is used throughout to enhance the lines, with words such as “droop” and “shiver”, which provide movement and sound. Personification is also used towards the end as the lamp “stretches” to shine on the elderly woman, however, it is not only illuminating the person herself, rather it shines light on the issue of homelessness. The final line has a double meaning. As she rattles the tin for money, it shows her immediate need and also represents the call for change in society.
My major writing task, “A Shooting Star” explores the events of the 23rd of August 2013, in Syria. It is written using multiple narrations, each narrative is written using a third person perspective to provide some emotional distance for readers. This all seeing perspective allowed me to describe what was happening in its entirety and assists in encouraging readers to suspend disbelief.Although the narrative is written using a split narrative it progresses in a linear manner and as the story continues links between characters and events are revealed.
The collection of perspectives together reveals the story. Simplicity or seeming simplicity of text was the key to conveying a diverse and complex situation. I relied on the senses to depict setting and evoke memories that will assist in connecting readers with a place and time not familiar to them. Both words and images needed to be evocative. In the sentence, “The ruins of a once living town provided lengthening shadows, concrete crumbled and metal beams that once supported structures poked from buildings like broken bones.”, words like “lengthening” show the passing of time, and the simile of beams looking like broken bones provides a visual image of the decay along with the knowledge that rebuilding or repair may be possible. “A Shooting Star” also uses a metaphor later in the piece that compares a shooting star to a missile. This metaphor shows the naïve nature of children and highlights the tragedy of war.
Considerable research was required to ensure the setting and events were accurately portrayed. As I delved I discovered the desire to learn more and I was shaken by the fact that I knew so little about events occurring worldwide. How could I be so immersed in first world problems that I was ignorant of the suffering of others? The narratives aim is to prompt people to think about what they were doing on the 23rd of August. What were you doing while these tragic events unfolded on the other side of the world?
Words are the most powerful weapon that man has. Words can transport us through time and across the galaxy, words allow us to penetrate the mind of someone other than ourselves or live in a new world. Throughout my journey in English writing this year I have learnt the power of writing and reading. And although many things will be forgotten and lost, it is the written word that will stand the test of time.

Studentresponse—Sample 2

The annotationsshowthematch to the assessment task-specificstandards.

Comments

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Sample

Reflective Statement
“Red Terror”, is a short story written from a third person perspective. It follows a linear narrative structure though there are some time lapses present. The purpose of this was to ensure only essential parts of narrative, which supported the story line, were included. The omnipotent third person perspective allows readers to see the thoughts and reactions of all characters and in doing so gives a balanced overview of the events.
Foreshadowing played a significant role as it is important readers don’t complete the story and consider the twist improbable.Foreshadowing begins in the first paragraph where Angela is trying to convince her husband that her sister, Vicki, should join them on their trip.It indicates there may be a connection between Vicki and Benny.
The use of conversation has a duel role. Firstly it provides insight into characters’ personalities. For example, when Angela, speaks she frequently shouts and her words also display her efficiency. I used natural speech patterns to ensure the speech flowed and was believable.
“Conversations”, is presented in an interview format in the relaxed style appropriate for radio. I have presented it as a conversation with Richard Fidler as it would suit a Fidler audience well and exploring the question of authorship and publication is the type ofacademically approachable conversation that Fidler would have.
Many people torment me for coming from ‘the sticks’. I find this interesting as it is not something I had a say in or that I would change if given the chance to do so. My life may be different to some of my peers, as I’ve not had some of the opportunities that they have had, yet I’ve experienced freedom during my childhood that they have not. A small town community provides a depth of belonging many don’t experience. Knowing all people in the township ensures community spirit and closeness. With that comes an expectation that you will carry on the town’s stories in the years to come, to ensure the longevity of the placeand its people.
I am a Queenstown girl and proud of it. It’s my time in this unique mining town that provided the foundation for my Major Writing Task, a collage of forms that present snapshots of Queenie’s past, present and possible future. This piece is a bitter-sweet memoir with poignant description of nature and place. The collage began as a poetry anthology and these poems are essential as they provide the condensed, evocative snapshots on which the collage is built. They feature succinct, concrete, sensory snapshots that draw all that has been said to a focal point.
The titles for all poems are significant as they create a context and provide additional information.For example – “Chaperone” – someone that oversees or looks over… leads readers into the first sentence. “Dowager” is a fitting title as the Queen River deserves to be called this - “an elderly woman of stately dignity”[1] as it has played such a significant part in the history of Queenstown. I also thought the title apt as the name of the river is ironic given the river’s state. All four free verse poems use enjambment as the flow of the poems is important to musicality and understanding. Enjambment ensures the reading is not stilted or broken.
Sound is a significant aspect of the poetry. The uses of longer more lethargic sounds in the first sentence of “Dowager” are mirroring what is said in the words about the mountain’s longevity. The repetition of the internal ‘o’ sounds (assonance), extends the words and provides support for what is being said. The selection of words like hulking not only have an onomatopoeic quality but also bring connotations with regards to size and harshness.
Alliteration is used heavily in “Burbury Constructed” not only in the development of smooth sounds that enhance flow but also they add considerably to the visual impact. For example: “deluding depth” indicates that something is hidden below but also that the lake may not be as deep as it seems. Burbury is quite a shallow lake. “Shivering surfaces” provides not only the repetition of the ‘s’ sound for musicality but also the impression of movement and for me the connotation of shimmering. “Stand soldier straight” (repetition of ‘s’) reinforces the idea of repetition and in this case the words have a sharp chipped sound that eludes tothe conformity and rigidity of soldiers.
Sensory detail is significant in “Dowager” in creating an image in the reader’s mind. The stench reaches you often before you see the river and words like “oozes” (onomatopoeic) and “syrupy” gives the impression of thickness.The use of conversation provided a succinct way to highlight the reactions visitors have to the river and in the final lines lies the irony that localchildren play carefree in the river.
With a desire to explore and extend my writing further I employ different forms and voices to capture the significance of Queenstown, The Grand Old Lady. This has autobiographical qualities as the main anecdotal narrative is captured in my own voice and shares stories and events that are a part of my life. This first person narrative has a natural and personable voice that allows others to travel the journey with the narrator.
The columned sections are more formal and give a tourist guide type of brief background. The writing in these sections is more formal though not so formal that it distances the reader. In order for the narrative to have the desired impact I felt I couldn’t assumeall readers would have prior knowledge of the area. These brief snippets provide just enough background for the reader to have a foundation on which I could build.
Writing this year has reinforced how lucky I am to have a father who was resolute when it came to building life-long memories for his children. During this class I have discovered:
  1. That writing well is challenging.
  2. That my father was successful and I am thankful that he persevered.

Studentresponse—Sample 3

The annotationsshowthematch to the assessment task-specificstandards.

Comments

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Sample

Battling Insecurities
I’ve always enjoyed writing. My head has always been filled with ideas on what to write about and I have never had a problem starting a piece. Well, that was until it became mandatory that I write for class. Writing is a whole lot harder when you’re being told ‘you have to write this’ and ‘you have to get it done by this date.’ Because of this, forming ideas and starting a piece became a chore. Once I had something to write though and my ideas were flowing it became so much simpler and fun again. I worked out this had a lot to do with insecurities and wondering ‘will this piece be good enough’ and ‘I can’t turn that idea in’. Even though it isn’t obvious, insecurities became a theme in my writing. Even when I didn’t realise it myself.
My writing project “White Roses” is a short story about an emotionally abusive relationship, jealousy and insecurities that ended up getting way out of hand. I started at a point in time so that the readers wouldn’t know what was going on and used multiple time shifts throughout the piece to slowly reveal what evolved and how it concluded as it did. A couple of the time shifts were there for the purpose of showing subtext that the boyfriend, Bryer, wasn’t quite as he seemed. These are signs that people usually ignore or just think nothing of when they first start to show. I also changed from past to present tense to accentuate the time structure. The title “White Roses” is used in this piece as a metaphor of sorts. The associations with the name Phoebe, who is the protagonist, suggest bright and pure. This is what people connect with white roses. Although she doesn’t see herself as this it also goes with her personality and experiences in life. At the end of the story I employed irony, as she can’t stand white roses anymore because her memory of them has been tarnished just as she has.
The first part of my two part poem “Tangled Thoughts” continues with the theme of insecurities by focusing on the bad thoughts that build up in your mind without any release. My ekphrasis used the metaphor of an untamed garden filled with flowers. Each thought is a flower and without maintaining the garden (letting your thoughts out) they just keep growing until they are all tangled together making a big mess inside your head until you can’t distinguish one from another. The second poem is about being lost in your mind with all your dark thoughts. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense but that’s because sometimes your thoughts don’t make sense. It is written in free verse to echo conversational thoughts. December is symbolic; as the last month of the year, things are ending and most people get a break. The last lines talk about how it’s only a little longer until December. The other metaphor I used is that of the cliff to represent the struggles and obstacles of life
My last piece is a duologue about the stereotypical teenage “Fan girl”. She is full of insecurities (I should know because I am one of them). I got the idea from when I was reading a book that I like and I was thinking ‘what if the characters were conscious of their surroundings just as much as we are’. If that were true your favourite character could love you back! As a teenage girl surrounded by other teenage girls I know that when we are in love (or just think we are) we go a little over board so much so that it’s clichéd. I deliberately used clichéd imagery and diction at times to reflect this. Our idea of romance comes from TV, the movies and romance novels. They are not realistic! And this is what I have based it on. I also wanted to use a well-known character from a well-known book. That’s why I used Augustus waters from The Fault in our Stars[2]. I didn’t name either characters though. I just wanted it to be a cliché teenage girls that other cliché teenage girls could relate to. Originally this was a monologue but during the editing process I decided it worked better with two voices. I have structured the final lines to bring both characters together in unison.
Insecurities run throughout our day to day lives in what we write, in our thoughts, in our relationships and some people identify with them more than others. You have to decipher what is real and what is complete nonsense though and not let this run your life even if it does seem inescapable. “Forget all the rules. Forget you’re being published. Write for yourself and celebrate writing”[3]