Elizabeth Short: A Life in Black Shadows

From those who lust after clues to whom who actually killed President Kennedy to fans who believe Marilyn Monroe was killed by the Mafia or the CIA,This opening is confusing – you repeat ‘to’ too many times; when ‘who’ is corrected to ‘whom,’ it also sounds very awkward - shorten it. people seem to be unable to resist solving a good mystery, especially when it includes equal amounts of beauty and horror. It is one of the greatest ironies of life that humans are deeply and equally attracted to beauty and horror with passion and deep fascination. It is another irony of life that many hopeful things often end up delivering only black tragedy, like the lure of Hollywood lights that often brings subject-verb agreement error only despair. When beauty, horror, hope, and despair all combine in one person, (use a comma to offset non-restrictive clauses) along with an unsolved, even unsolvable, mystery, the draw of this combination is too powerful to resist. The fear of not solving,poor word choice – not solving what? further, Remove these commas – ‘further’ is restrictive. drives people to investigate how it The antecedent is too far removed; use the noun, not a pronoun. could have occurred. Elizabeth Short has the dubious honor of succeeding at this eerie combination.I think it was her murder, not Elizabeth Short herself, which was ‘successful.’ It was likely the only success she ever had in life and she only achieved it by dying. You’re going to have to reword the preceding to make this statement work if you use it. The success, however, was so large that it was, and remains, huge and alluring for generation after generation.. ‘Success’ is not going to be huge and alluring for generation after generation. I see what you are trying to say, but you need to make sure that you say what you mean. It is her unsolved murder that continues to capture interest. Your writing needs to be clear.

The body of Elizabeth Short was discovered at 10:30 AM by a woman who had taken her three year old daughter out shopping (Elias, 2007). Initially the woman thought someone had discarded a broken mannequin in the vacant lot, but as she walked closer to it she realized it was actually a corpse. One can only hope she never got close enough to see the absolute horror the killer of the 22 year old woman, who had been nicknamed the “Black Dahlia” before her death, had left in that vacant lot. From a distance, it was clear that Elizabeth’s body had been cleanly cut in half, separating her torso from her legs (Beaven, 2007). Up close, however, the body and the scene were far more gruesome. Elizabeth’s killer had used a knife to carve lines from the sides of her mouth to her ears, making her face look like a horrible, smiling, mask (Beaven, 2007). It was even uglier, however, one breast had been half sliced off and, due to the lack of blood in the lot it was evident that she had been tortured and drained of blood in another location, and she had been dissected and left lying on top of her intestines (Beaven, 2007; Hoffman, 2003). There are not enough words to describe how horrible the scene looked and fewer words that could describe how horrid the final hours of Elizabeth Short must have been.

In life she had been a very pretty woman known for her beauty, dark, curly hair, blue eyes, and a life full of partying, lack of money, and rather ill repute (Hoffman, 2003). While Short said she went to Hollywood to be an actress there are no indications she ever sought out an agent or attended auditions (Hoffman, 2003). She also left home at 16 and did not arrive in Hollywood until she was 19 (Hoffman, 2003). She actually drifted from her hometown in Massachusetts to Indiana, Chicago, Texas, and Florida, meeting men, seducing some, working little, and charming many out of a place to stay, food, and “loans” (Hoffman, 2003). She had an active fantasy life and often imagined herself as a famous Hollywood star, a model, or a World War II widow (Hoffman, 2003). When the film The Blue Dahlia came out in 1946 a bar friend started calling Elizabeth the "Black Dahlia," probably because of the black, tight, dresses she often wore, and the name stayed with her in life and death since that time (Hoffman, 2003). It is doubtful that Elizabeth Short had any real hope left in her by the time she died, she had long been living hand-to-mouth, she had been evicted too many times, and she hung out with dark crowds in Hollywood’s underworld, but her beauty allowed her to be seen as a lovely, young woman who had been touched by a horrible evil (Hoffman, 2003).

So alluring is her murder that in 2007, the 60th anniversary of her murder, Los Angeles celebrated as only a city devoted to business, money, and illusion can: it held a week-long programof events that included tours of the crime scene and a very popular “VIP Package” that was nearly sold out and provided “a chance for people to transport themselves back to the night she was killed and try and make up their own minds on who killed her and why” (Elias, 2007). There have been countless books, movies, and television programs inspired or based on her death and many claim to have solved the mystery of her death. For example, one former Los Angeles Police Officer turned author claims his father, Dr. Hodel, was the actual murderer in his book, Black Dahlia Avenger; in author Max Allan Collins's series, The Memoirs of Nathan Heller, which began in 1983 and continues today, the killer is as yet unnamed; in author James Ellroy’s (Murr, 2003; Hoffman, 2003).

References

Beaven, A. (2007). The Gruesome Link to a Hollywood Horror: Victim: Elizabeth Short. The London Daily Mail. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Elias, R. (2007). Haunted by Black Dahlia: Exclusive 60 Years After Young Actress was Found Butchered Beneath Hollywood Hills, her Unsolved Murder Still Fascinates.Glasgow Daily Record. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Epstein, R. J. (2003). Fascination with Evil is American Obsession. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Hoffman, C. (2003). Return to the Primal Noir: Two Modern Authors on the Black Dahlia.The Journal of American Culture. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Murr, A. (2003). Old Case, New Twist: An ex-LAPD Detective Says He's Finally Solved the 1947 Black Dahlia Murder. He Probably Wishes He Hadn't.Newsweek. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Picart, C.J. & Greek, C. (2003). The Compulsion of Real/Reel Serial Killers and Vampires Toward a Gothic Criminology. Journal of Criminal Justice and Popular Culture, 10 (1): 39-68. Retrieved May 23, 2009, from

Roeper, R. (1997). True Crime Stories we May Never Hear End of.Chicago Sun-Times. Chicago Retrieved May 23, 2009 from HighBeam Research:

Stashower, D. (2006). New York's Black Dahlia.The New York Times. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from

You have entries on your References page that you refer to with in-text citations. Only sources used in the paper should be listed on the Reference page.

You appear to have included your introduction as your first paragraph since this paragraph would not be appropriate as a ‘body’ paragraph. You need a thesis statement at the end of the introduction that actually ‘fits’ what will follow. The last sentence of the first paragraph seems to say that this crime continues to interest people. The only paragraph that reflects that idea is the last paragraph. The other information actually describes the crime and background. In an academic paper, the thesis controls the rest of the paper. You need to either rewrite the thesis to fit the information or change the information to fit the thesis. In addition, the tone in this paper is a little too informal for an academic paper; it would be better suited for a magazine article.

Written Assignment Grading Form for Body Paragraphs, Due in Week Six
Content and Development
100 Points / Points
Possible / Points Earned
XX/100
Additional Comments:
All key elements of the assignment are covered.
  • The paper is complete enough for constructive feedback (at least 900 words).
/ 10 / 10
  • The paper consists of body paragraphs for the expository essay.
/ 10 / 10
  • The paper supports one of the following topics:
  • Healthful eating
  • Oil and gas prices
  • Education
  • Media in the courtroom
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Tattoos or body piercing
  • Language in the United States
  • A topic approved by the instructor
/ 10 / 10
The paper supports the thesis statement. / 10 / 6
The content is accurate and informative. / 10 / 8
The tone is appropriate for the intended audience. / 10 / 7
Major points are stated clearly; are supported by specific details, examples, or analysis; and are organized logically. / 10 / 8
Appropriate transitions are included within and between paragraphs. / 10 / 8
References: In-text citations are formatted according to APA guidelines. / 10 / 10
All other APA formatting options are followed:
Font, margins, spacing. / 10 / 10
Total
100 Points / Points Earned
87/100
Overall Comments:
Note: The above grade sheet does not contain points for grammar/mechanics/spelling; the final
paper will be graded for those items, and they will be worth 20% (60 points) of the 300
points possible for the final expository essay grade.