The Duke of Edinburgh's Award International Foundation
Americas Regional Conference
Domestic Violence, Child Abuse and the Impact on Youth
Janice M. Jackson
July 29-30, 2009
Jamaica Pegasus Hotel
Kingston
Jamaica
Introduction
The journey through childhood and adolescence to young adulthood is circuitous in the main. It presents different opportunities as well as challenges and risks for each individual in the quest to develop a sense of self. That journey involves many experiences, some of which give much pleasure to the individual and others which inflict some pain. The journey is important as it allows for lessons to be learnt, ones which help to shape the individual’s understanding of the world and his/her place in it.
The years spent honing the individual should, ideally, be ones which are happy and empowering. The reality for many is that these years are fraught with insecurity, conflict and confusion, leaving these individuals with a perception of the world which is skewed towards undervaluing themselves, being suspicious of others and developing of a cloak of protection which often denies them the opportunity to realize their true potential. Fortunately, some people who experience such challenges rise above adversity and go on to live productive and fulfilling lives.
This paper presents some of the challenges and risks faced by individuals during the life cycle, with a focus on the lives of children, adolescents and youth who are exposed to and/or experience domestic violence and/or child abuse. It considers the nature and dynamics of domestic violence and child abuse. It examines the impact on the psyche and functioning of the witness and/or survivor of such abuse. It offers insights through scenarios describing acts of domestic violence and/or child abuse and their consequences. It raises questions which should be explored if the objective of reducing the incidence of domestic violence and child abuse is to be achieved. It also explores the role youth programmes can play to assuage the consequences of domestic violence and child abuse on adolescents and youth as well as help to prevent their occurrence.
Domestic Violence: A Pervasive Practice
The practice of domestic violence undermines human development and colours interpersonal relationships within the home and the wider society. It entails the use of coercive behaviour to establish and maintain power and control over another person and may be detrimental to the abused as well as other persons. This behaviour may take the form of physical, psychological (including verbal), sexual and economic abuse which occurs between the members of a family/household or persons currently or previously in an intimate relationship. It can take place between persons of similar or different ages, groups, ethnicities, religious backgrounds and genders and knows no class barrier.
The forms of domestic violence have varying impacts on the abused and those around them. Some are more readily identified and recognized as forms of abuse than others. Below are some examples of each form of abuse.
- Physical abuse may occur as hitting, kicking, cuffing, biting, slapping, choking and burning. It may leave visible signs on the abused and may be witnessed by others.
- Psychological abuse (including verbal abuse) may take the form of controlling behaviour, breaking down a person’s belief system, destruction of property or treasured objects, denial of the opportunity to have friends, social contacts and outside interests, name calling, threats and constant criticism. It may be less visible to others and may be denied by the perpetrator or the abused.
- Sexual abuse may take the form of forced sex (e.g., incest, rape) with or without objects, denying partner’s sexuality, infection with a sexually transmitted infection (including HIV) and expression of anger when sex is denied. It is often unreported within families/households or to the relevant agencies. It is likely to leave psychological scars on the abused.
- Economic abuse may occur as prevention from having financial independence or the opportunity to improve earning capacity, control over the family’s money and expenditure and failure to pay child support.
These forms of domestic violence may occur individually or collectively. They have a negative effect on the individual’s spiritual well-being, serving as a mechanism for undermining self-worth. They occur between intimate partners – woman to man, man to woman, woman to woman, man to man; siblings – brother to brother, brother to sister, sister to brother, sister to sister; and adult and child – parent to offspring, offspring to parent, grandparent to grandchild, grandchild to grandparent, for example.
Domestic violence is often perceived as being experienced mostly by women. This perception persists because more reports of such violence are made to the police, social service agencies and non-governmental organizations (NGO) working in this area. It is also experienced by men. The incidence of domestic violence continues to be underestimated because of the stigma attached to it and the belief held by some segments of society that it, particularly intimate partner abuse, is a private matter. This state of affairs is also condoned by persons who make statements such as “teeth and tongue must bite” and “if he doesn’t beat me, he doesn’t love me.” The result is a telling silence around the occurrence of domestic violence.
The situation of men who are abused by intimate partners is of importance. Many are reluctant to admit their experience because of the potential response of others. With the continuing view that men should play the role of dominant partner in intimate relationships and within the household, the possibility of ridicule should abuse be reported is great. What is ignored in such instances is the fact that the rights of these men are being violated. The silence needs to be broken for them as well since their experience may have significant negative consequences not only for them but also for persons with whom they interact.
Dennis, a policeman, has been married to Esther, a teacher, for over eight years. He met Esther while she was a trainee teacher. He was extremely happy during the first few years of their marriage. That changed when Esther became increasingly abusive to him.
Esther has had two promotions at work and now earns more than Dennis does. She persists in belittling him over this fact, often asking him what kind of man he is who cannot keep up with his wife academically and financially. She has told her friends that she is fed up being the “man in the house” and ridicules Dennis in front of her family and friends.
One day, Dennis told Esther that she could leave the home if she wasn’t satisfied with him. He was surprised when Esther boxed him, telling him not to give her rudeness. Dennis suffered a burst lip. When he went to work, his supervisor asked him what had happened to his lip. Dennis told him that he had tripped on the stairs. His colleagues teased him unmercifully, saying that he was like those women who had a “good” beating and offered the same lame excuse.
Abusive intimate relationships are arenas where at least one partner is entrapped in a mesh in which a feeling of loss of control of their lives, being demeaned and devalued, risking loss of access to children and isolation from family and friends are present. They challenge a person’s view of his/her life, understanding of his/her responsibilities to and for self and others and sense of self.
Women in abusive intimate relationships need to examine their expectations of themselves, their perceptions of the expectations other people have of them and their location in the relationship. They may believe that they would be unable to survive on their own, this arising from their being socialized to expect men to provide for them while they play a supporting, nurturing role. They need assistance in challenging the cultural factors which reinforce the subjugation of women and allow them to accept on-going abuse.
During a workshop on domestic violence organized for members of a community, an older woman mentioned that she had been married for over 50 years and had experienced what was now being called domestic violence during that period. She said that since she had put up with it for so long, she saw no need to leave the home nor try to change the situation. She pointed out that she had seen her mother live through a similar situation, that she was not the only person in her family or community who had such experiences and that, anyway, this was a common practice among persons in her ethnic group.
Men in abusive intimate relationships also need to examine their expectations of themselves, their perceptions of the expectations other people have of them and their location in the relationship. They need to confront the contradiction which exists between their learnt notions of what it means to be a man and their lived reality. They as well as their partners should try to determine the source of the conflict and seek resolutions which do not involve the exercise of power and control by one party to the detriment of the other.
Domestic violence between siblings, parent and child, child and parent and people in intimate heterosexual relationships is being increasingly addressed. That against the elderly and persons with disabilities as well as those in same-sex relationships is less likely to be addressed. In too many instances, domestic violence continues to occur behind closed doors or evoke little or no response from family members, community members or institutions/agencies whose stated responsibility includes taking action to address the safety and welfare needs of the abused.
Domestic violence has implications for the workplace. Domestic violence in the home may lead to unpunctuality, absenteeism, fractured interpersonal relations on the job and impaired performance. However, not all survivors of domestic violence display adverse effects. Some may suppress their feelings and apply themselves diligently to their tasks. Such persons may be in denial or prefer to hide their real experiences from their co-workers. Additionally, domestic violence may be perpetrated on household members as a result of experiences in the workplace. Some persons are unaware of the impact of the transfer of frustration and anger generated in the workplace to the home. They may seek to change their behaviour once its effect has been brought to their attention.
An organization arranged sessions on self-examination for its staff. One staff member reported that, after the first 3-hour session, there was a noticeable change in his behaviour. He became aware of this when his daughter asked, “Daddy, how come you’ve changed so?” and his son who would normally leave the home as soon as he returned from work was staying at home. He had been unable to link his behaviour at home and the response of his family members to the residual effects of his workplace encounters.
Change in people’s abusive behaviour may accrue from participation in education and training activities. However, these strategies are not always as effective as desired and should be complemented by other initiatives to bring about change.
A woman who participated in a course for counselors offered by an NGO and who functioned as a counselor had difficulty applying what she had learnt and practised elsewhere in her home. A mother of two adolescents and also an adolescent mother herself, the woman had experienced domestic violence at the hands of the children’s father. She was also adjusting to the death of her partner. She believes that she and the children should focus on getting on with their lives and put their recent loss behind them. She does not believe that the children need to go through a prolonged period of grieving.
This woman is impatient with her children, expecting them to carry out instructions immediately. She ignores the fact that they are adolescents, in the storming stage of their lives, who are living with loss and pain. She has admitted that she sometimes slaps her daughter if she does not act according to her wishes. She has recently put her son to kneel on a grater because he did not carry out her instructions.
When asked why she acted in this manner, the woman said that she was being hasty. She stated that she knows that her actions are wrong but she is not prepared to have her children disobey her.
This shows that education and training on domestic violence and child abuse are not enough to change behaviour. Work needs to be done on anger management, coping with grief and self-examination if the sustainable change is to occur. Self-denial has implications, not only for the person who is in denial but also for members of the family.
Individuals, institutions and agencies in several sectors are working to reduce the incidence of domestic violence and alleviate its consequences. Their concern about the high incidence of domestic violence has led to the articulation of national and institutional policies in some instances. International instruments such as the Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination against Women, the Convention on the Rights of the Child, the Programme of Action articulated at the International Conference on Population and Development and the Inter-American Convention on the Prevention, Punishment and Eradication of Violence against Women provide guidelines for the development and monitoring of programmes, in this regard.
Actions taken by individuals and entities include public awareness initiatives, training of front-line workers such as the police and social service workers, offering of counselling services and education of parents and school children. They are more likely to realize major positive change when the survivors, their family members, community members and state and non-state actors engage in coordinated efforts which lead to the breaking of the silence.
The Child Witness of Domestic Violence: Experience and Effects
The adage “children must be seen and not heard” has no place in an environment where domestic violence is present. Children’s voices need to be heard as they seek to find redress in situations where they witness someone being hurt and in which they too may be hurt or experience psychological pain. Family members and relevant authorities need to investigate the stories of these children, as they are at risk of physical and psychological trauma which can affect their life chances.
Witnessing domestic violence has several negative consequences for the child. The child may see a parent, more often the mother, being physically or verbally abused, hear violent exchanges, see the damage – physical injuries or psychological debilitation, be given a report of what has happened or be drawn into the exchange as a shield or the focus of the disagreement. He/she may come to believe that he/she is the source of the problem, may chose to take action against either party or seek to protect himself/herself or siblings. Whatever the circumstances in which the child finds him/herself, the consequences may be immediate as well as long-lasting.
9-year-old Trevor was accustomed to hearing his parents quarrel and seeing them fight. He would talk to his mother about the abuse and, on many occasions, asked her why she allowed his father to be so cruel to her. Trevor’s mother told him that he was not to worry about her. Nevertheless, Trevor could not forget the times his father hit his mother’s head to the wall while telling her she was not a good mother and wife, ugly and lazy. He saw other things happening but could not make sense of them.
Trevor could not concentrate on his work in school and his grades began to drop. He started wetting his bed again which angered his father. Sometimes he picked fights in school over trivial things, much to the amazement of the teachers.
One night, he awoke to loud noises. He was afraid that his father would kill his mother this time. His father had threatened to kill her before but this time he sounded as if he meant it. Trevor was afraid to leave his bed but something made him get up. He crept out of his room in time to see his father slash his mother with a knife. He screamed, causing his father to turn around. His mother ran out of the house. His father called him and told him that his mother was all right, she had looked for what she got and that he should always control “his” woman. Then he sent Trevor back to bed.
Years later, Trevor decided to share his experience with the woman he planned to marry. He told her that he had come to believe that women had little worth, men could do whatever they wanted with women and that abuse was normal. He mentioned that he later learnt that his perception was wrong and he had spent a lot of time with his mother trying to understand why she stayed with his father or never fought back. He promised his fiancé that he would never be abusive to her because he understood the damage that could do to both of them.